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I have moremoney in my savings, but I can’t access it without asking Mom for the savings book.
I need hard cash.
The door clicks open just as I’m stepping into my dress, no doubt it’s Mom come to check that Penelope has convinced me to change.
“Just in time to zip me up,” I roll my eyes sarcastically at her, but my eyes widen and my heart falls when I see my Dad step into the reflection of the mirror in front of me. Both his hands curl around my hips, holding me like a vice. I feel the sweat already starting to leak from my pores, my pulse quickening to keep my blood pumping around my body when my skin turns cold.
His eyes hold mine through the mirror and I get confirmation of how much he gets off on my fear when I feel him pressing hard into the base of my spine.
“Of course,” he says calmly. One of his hands creeping over my ass cheek to where my zip starts.
He moves slowly, pulling the zipper higher up my back, his glare fixing on me through the mirror the whole time.
“Perfect,” he says, looking at my reflection almost proudly, as he slides his palm down my back.
“Such a big, grown-up girl.” He smiles and I close my eyes and suck in a breath, hoping it will calm the panic rising from the pit of my stomach. I flinch when I suddenly feel his hand wrap around my throat, squeezing tight as he twists me around and forces me back onto my bed. He looks down our bodies, red-faced, and with an angry vein throbbing at his temple as he climbs on top of me.
I’ve known this was coming from the day he put his fingers inside me. Up ‘till now, he’s been satisfied with just painful taunts but it’s not enough for him. I had so hoped I’d get away before he took it this far. His grip on my neck tightens as he forces me into the mattress, his face resting against mine.
“Behave today,” he warns. Pointing a podgy finger at my face. I’m desperate to smack it away and have to ball my fist tight in an attempt to stop myself. I don’t want to anger him any more.
“Okay,” I whisper, sucking back my sobs and reigning back tears. He doesn’t deserve to see me cry. No one does.I’ve learned that these past few months.
“We’ll be the happy family everyone in town expects to see, pretend you're not a little slut like your mother.” It infuriates me when he speaks about Mom like that, the woman has devoted her whole life to keeping him happy, she puts him before everything, even me.
“Okay,” I promise again, I need air back in my lungs and his heavyweight off my body. He releases me, but not without snarling a cruel laugh at me. One that makes me rage inside, and the urge to watch him hurt is the only thing that gives me the strength to sit up and straighten myself out.
“That’s a good girl.” He pets my head like I’m a puppy and I bite back all the frustration that's pulsing through me and think about my plan.
Father checks his reflection in my mirror, smoothing out a crease in his jacket, then running his hand through his thinning hair before he leaves.
I run into the bathroom and lock the door pressing my back against it for extra safety. Then pulling up my dress I let my fingers stroke over Nyx Anderson's parting gift to me before he left, the one thing that no one can take away from me. Looking at the compass on my thigh, it doesn’t feel like a tattoo anymore, it feels much more like a scar, one that will remind me to never give up my heart again.
I hate Nyx for leaving me, I hate myself even more for allowing my heart to still ache for him. For allowing him to still be my comfort when I think about the problems that loom over me. The disgusting thoughts I know my father has repulse me, I have to get out of here before he puts any more of them into action. That’s a damage that once done, will never be repairable.
I hold myself together through the ceremony. Then I pose for a family photo that will probably be featured in Monday morning's local paper. Father doesn’t stay long after, insisting he has work to catch up on. Mother leaves with him, and I assure her I have a ride home with Abby when really, I just want to be alone. Away from the house, and away from him.
“Hey,” Abby calls over at me, she struggles out of the group photo she’s in with girls she never used to speak to.
“A bunch of us are going over to Julia’s for a post-graduation party. You in?” Abby’s changed a lot these past few months too. She’s lost weight, so much that her skin’s actually starting to look too loose for her body.She doesn’t take care of herself the way she used to and she always looks tired. Still, who am I to judge. I’m a hermit who never leaves my room.
“Nah, I’m gonna head back,” I tell her.
“How? I thought I saw your parents leave already. Come on it will be fun.” She looks at me with those pleading eyes that are so used to getting their own way. They make me feel guilty, I’ve spent hardly any time with her lately, been far too busy wallowing in self-pity.
“Sure.” I give up, it’s pointless arguing with the girl. Besides, if I’m at a party, I’m not at home, and I should at least try to spend a night not moping about Nyx. I pile into Abby’s car with some others, people who haven’t taken the time during senior year to talk to me, but all of a sudden act like we’re best friends. One of them even asks me to sign their yearbook.
Julia’s parents live by a lake, and have really put in some effort, the place looks amazing, the grounds decorated with lanterns, and all the lights reflecting from the surface of the lake. It doesn’t take long for the tranquility of the place to be invaded by horny, drunk teenagers, music pumping, and loud irritating giggles.
I manage to find a quiet spot under a tree on the other side of the lake. It’s the perfect place for me to watch the party from and I know it would be where Nyx would be hanging out if he were here.
While I sit alone, hiding away from the real world, the sky falls darker and the lanterns burn brighter. The sound of laughter and fun carrying over from the other side of the water where the house is.
“What you doing over here on your own?” I recognize the voice straight away, it’s one that has given me chills for the past year, only these days it isn't as confident as it used to be.
Yes, Luke recovered physically from Nyx’s assault, but it seems to have taught him a life lesson. Not that it makes the slightest difference to Nyx’s sentence. Far as I know he’s still in El Paso County and every visitation request I’ve put in has been automatically denied. I don’t know if it’s out of habit or sheer determination that I keep submitting them on a weekly basis.
“Go away, Luke,” I tell him without turning around, wiping the back of my hand over my cheeks in case there’s any trace of tears lingering on them. He doesn’t do as I ask, instead, he slides down and sits beside me. I should be scared, Luke always did have a talent for stirring fear inside me. But there’s nothing Luke Robinson can do to hurt me anymore. Not after what I’ve been through. Besides he’s already taken away from me all that ever mattered.
