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“While you're here, you stay up here. Visit Maddy and Ella whenever you want. But the clubhouse is out of bounds, you understand?”
“But I can just—”
“For once, can you just not argue with me?” he raises his voice, standing up and lifting the bottle from the table, taking a drink from it as he passes me. Walking out the door and slamming it behind him.
“And for once, can you walk out of a door without slamming the damn thing?” I yell after him. Of course, I get no response. And left by myself, I sit at the table and bury my head in my arms. I wonder what my parents would think of me if they saw me now. I can’t believe I’ve cheated on Julian. My world centered around that man for the past three years, and I’ve barely given him a second thought over the last few days. He’s probably searching for me, worried sick, and I’ve made no attempt to try and tell him that I’m okay.
I’ve also come to realize that I knew nothing about the woman whose grave I cried over last week. My mom had a whole secret life, and after speaking to Mrs. Deferman, I don’t even know if Dad knew about it. Now I’m stuck in this unfamiliar place, pining for a man who doesn’t want me. The same man who took me from my home for, if Prez’s word is anything to go by, ‘protection’.
I wonder how long it would have taken those men to find me if Prez hadn’t sent him for me. I would have been at home either alone or with Julian, and I doubt he would have been able to fight off four armed men.
We’d both be dead.
It explains why I’m getting swept up with all these crazy feelings for Brax, he’s different from any guy I’ve ever met before. I want him because I know I can’t have him. And once all this is over and I’m back where I belong, I’m gonna have to forgive myself. I’ll have to try and make things work with Julian, and hope that guilt for my stupid mistake doesn’t overcome me.
Though I do kinda have to ask myself if I can really label it a mistake, when all I can think about is doing it again.
After wallowing in self-pity for far too long I finally drag myself up and take a shower. Ignoring how satisfying it feels to wash myself in Brax’s shower gel, or how good it feels wrapping up in the towel I know he would have been the last one to use. I follow his commands, heading toward the bedroom, and once I’m inside I let the towel fall to the ground, pulling on the first T-shirt I find. It has the club logo large on the back, and a tiny patch on the chest and when I pull the collar up to my nose, it smells like him.
It makes me smile to myself when I think about Mom having a conversation with Prez. She was never one to back down easily. Dad was always calling her stubborn, I must get it from her as he was so easy going, and I’m proud of it. For me, it’s as important to get justice for all the kids she’s been trying to help, as it is for me to be safe again.
I’m about to get into bed and get some much needed sleep, but I can’t seem to relax. I thought things were changing between me and Brax, now I feel like his prisoner again. It’s not in my nature to roll over and beg.
I hate that he gets that reaction out of me. Him acting like last night didn’t happen, then demanding I stay here makes no sense. I want answers, and I’m gonna damn well go get them. Fuck him and his stupid rules.
I pull back the covers and get out of bed, going to the bag that Maddy had packed for me to take on our trip. I pull out the jeans and sweater she packed for me. A few seconds later, I toss the sweater on the bed, deciding it will piss Brax off much more if I wear his T-shirt. I tie it in a knot just above my belly button. And shake out my hair before strapping up the heels Ella lent me, that are a size too big. Then, I say goodbye to Duke before I head out the door.
It’s a good walk down to the clubhouse, and I have plenty of time while I’m walking the track to change my mind and go back. But I don’t. I want Brax to explain what game he’s playing, and maybe I wanna play a little game of my own by breaking his rules.
Jesus, when did I turn into such an attention whore?
The place is huge. According to Maddy and Ella my assumption was correct, the place is an old vacation park. I walk through the wide open doors and find myself standing in the foyer. There’s a huge Dirty Souls flag hanging behind the old check-in desk, and the whole set-up seems a little bizarre. I don’t have time to explore where all the doors lead off to. I need to find Brax and air out my frustration. I’m twenty-three years old, and he has no right to tell me what I can and can’t do. I follow the music through the swing doors and I’m not prepared for what I see.
Half of me wants to turn and run. The other half is curious… and that’s the part that wins, as I step deeper into the room. There’s a stage on the other side of the room, and a long bar where a couple of men wearing cuts like Brax’s are resting on stools. The worn leather sofas along the back wall are occupied, and I quickly avert my eyes when I realize what’s happening on them.
There are women walking around wearing bras and panties, some of them sitting on men’s laps and demanding their attention. I see no sign of Brax and I’m about to turn and leave, but a female voice calls over the music and stops me.
“You new, honey? You look like a lost lamb.” Her eyes scan me over. “You're a pretty thing, Squeal’s gonna love ya.” I don’t have time to respond before she grabs my hand and drags me toward the bar.
“Here, you’re gonna need that.” She slams a shot glass on to the bar in front of me, and I knock it back then gasp at its bite.
“What the hell was that?” I choke.
“Fireball, darling,” she winks.
“Haven runs things around here, but she’s otherwise engaged. Guess I’ll have to show you the ropes.”
“I… I’m not here to work the bar,” I correct her, finding it hard not to be offended by her mistake.
“That's what they all say, sweet cheeks, but you can’t expect to get all the fun around here and not pull some weight. Since Nyx patched, we ain’t got a prospect, and Tommy’s about as much use as one leg in an ass kicking contest.
You’ll get to know the boys and their preferences in time. Prez drinks scotch on the rocks. Always. He’s the one you wanna be pleasing the most. Then Jessie, I tend to judge him on the mood he’s in when he rocks up. It’s usually a beer these days. Oh, and he’s also a waste of your time to be flirtin’ with. Shame, that boy used to be a damn good time before techno bitch got her claws into him.”
I sit and take in all she’s saying, despite it not being relevant to me.
“And you’ll be out of here on your ass if you even look in Nyx’s direction. He’s got a kid with Prez’s daughter… Speaking of which…” she ducks under the bar and comes back up with a handful of condoms, shoving them into my hand.
“They may be called Dirty Souls but these men are clean as pastors when it comes to using those bad boys. There’s a stock behind here, let Haven know when we’re getting low. Most of the time the boys are carrying themselves, but you don’t wanna miss out on an opportunity. ‘Specially if we got a nomad passing through.”
