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“Tomorrow,” Brax agrees, taking a shirt off the bed and pulling it over his head. I want him to kiss me like he did this morning before he left. But he doesn’t and I can already feel it, the way he’s detaching himself from me. Accepting reality way sooner than I’m ready to.
I take a long soak in the bath, then spend the rest of the evening sitting on the deck out back watching the lake. I can’t help being disappointed when Brax doesn’t come home to spend the last evening I’m here with me. But I can’t let it bother me, not if I’m gonna get through all this. What Brax is doing hurts, but it’s best for both of us.
A loud bang wakes me, followed by curses and more bangs until the bedroom door flings open and Brax stumbles inside. He looks wasted, and is still carrying a bottle in his hand.
“There she is,” he says when he sees me in his bed. “Lying there like she doesn’t know shit.” I’m half expecting someone else to appear, but I soon figure out that he’s talking to himself when he kicks the door shut.
He tips up the bottle up, then realizing it’s empty, tosses it at the floor with a clatter. Clumsily, he crawls on to the bed, closer to me, his breath reeking of alcohol, and his eyes narrow and focus on mine.
“She’ll go back to her perfect fucking life, and her perfect fucking boyfriend.” He grabs hold of my chin with a fumbling hand, maneuvering my head from side to side like he’s checking me over.
“Brax, you're wasted,” I tell him, but he presses his finger over my lips and shakes his head as he sssh’s me.
“She pretends that when she leaves here, she’s not gonna think about me.” I don’t know why he’s talking about me like I’m not the one in front of him, but I’m finally getting an insight into his mind so I allow myself to listen.
“And I pretend that I’m gonna forget her.” His voice turns weak as he whispers to the imaginary person he’s speaking to. His eyes focused on mine, wild and red rimmed. “Does she know what she’s done to me?” His expression turns hateful. His fingers spreading out onto my cheek and his thumb pushing a hard trail over my bottom lip. Then he snarls a laugh, pushes my face away harshly, and rolls over, laying his head on his pillow.
“Brax,” I place my hand on his chest, and he reacts quickly, snatching it in his palm but instead of throwing it away like I expect him to, he holds it tight to him.
“I know,” I tell him. Hoping that he’s drunk enough to understand that I’m hurting too.
“And you still want me to take you home tomorrow?” he says, staring up at the ceiling, refusing to make eye contact.
“I have to go home tomorrow, I don’t belong here, Brax.”
“So where do you belong, Gracie?” He turns his head so he’s looking at me, his eyes holding the same blaze they had the night he’d taken me and thrown me into this world of his. Back then, I could never have imagined feeling like this about him.
“I don’t know, Brax, but I got to find out. I’m not like Ella or Maddy. I want to make my mark on the world. My mom changed people’s lives doing what she did. I’m not gonna get to do that staying here.”
“You’d change my life.” Brax speaks the words so sincerely that they put a lump in my throat and I feel my heart plummet.
I have to be strong. I’m caught up and confused because I have no options. Once I’m home and things are back to normal, everything will be clearer and I can curse myself for how pathetic I’ve been.
“Goodnight, Gracie.” Brax closes his eyes and keeps hold of my hand, and it isn’t long before his breaths soften, and he falls asleep.
“Goodnight, Brax,” I whisper, snuggling into his chest for the last time.
I wake up early, still in the same spot I went to sleep in. Brax’s other arm is wrapped around my body, holding me tight, and I somehow manage to struggle out of his hold without waking him. I make myself a coffee, and sit out on the decking to drink it. The lake always looks its prettiest early in the morning, I’m gonna miss it.
“Jessie says you're going home today.” Maddy’s voice comes from my left and I look over as she steps out of her back door.
“Yep,” I let out a long sigh, and look back out to the lake.
“You don’t sound very happy.” She hops up to sit on the wooden banister that separates us.
“I am.” I try to sound convincing, more for myself than for her. “I just…” I can’t describe it. I’ve only been away for a short time, yet it feels like I’m going back to a life I don’t know.
“You’re gonna miss Brax,” she says, willing me to be honest with her.
“Yeah,” I admit defeat, I have to speak to someone before I drive myself crazy. “Maddy, I can’t be with him, we would never work.”
“You could give it a try,” she shrugs, but I shake my head.
“I have someone.” I feel shitty admitting that out loud, even though Maddy already knows and doesn’t judge me for it.
“Do you love him?”
“I think maybe I could?” I sigh.
