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Eighteen
EVELYN
“Okay, how did you do it?” Raoul asks when he steps into the shower behind me. After Raoul decided to loosen up, the three of us ended up having a fun night. Wendy cooked a delicious dinner, and afterward, Violetta insisted we play one of the drinking games she learned out in Rome. Since Raoul already knew how to play and I completely sucked at it, I came off the worst.
“Do what?” I lean my head over to one side so his lips can kiss my neck, I’m enjoying the way his hands soothe my body and I try not to worry about how much I actually missed being with him today. I can’t think about any of that right now, not while I have that warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach that comes with being slightly tipsy.
“How did you get my sister to change her mind? Once that girl sets her mind to something she never lets up.” Raoul sounds genuinely intrigued.
“We spent some time at the studio and she commented on some of my photos. We got talking about art and she got really passionate. So I asked her why she wanted to give it all up.”
“And?” He nips at my skin with his teeth. I saw how frustrated he was when Violetta never gave him a straight answer earlier, maybe if he’d have tried having a conversation with her instead of making orders, he may have got somewhere himself.
“That’s not my place to tell you, I promised her my discretion.” I touch my hand over his and follow its trail over my wet skin. “All that matters is she’s not going to let it stop her getting her degree. She’s going back.”
“You know I could force you to tell me,” he warns, his hand sliding lower over my stomach and his finger dipping between my pussy lips.
“You could, but you won’t, because you know that if I give someone my word it’s important to me that I keep it. And I know that you wouldn’t want to hurt me.” His hand freezes before he pulls it away and when I turn around to see what's wrong, his head has fallen, and he’s staring down at where the water pools at his feet.
“But I have hurt you,” he adds, and I can tell by the pain in his voice that the words hurt him to say.
“You did what was right for your family. You can’t be blamed for that,” I tell him, wishing he’d put his hands back on me again. I hate losing him to the thoughts in his head.
“I should have had someone check you were okay.” He reaches up, squeezing my shoulder before he slides his hand up my neck to settle behind my ear.
“Stop beating yourself up. None of it is your fault.” Placing my hand over his, I make sure he can’t take it away from me again.
“It’s all my fault. I thought about you every day. I wrote you letters that I never mailed. And when I got back and found out you’d left, I was desperate to ask Ludo to find you. But I didn’t, and all because I was sparing myself from hurting. I told myself that you'd moved on because that’s what I needed to believe. And all that time…”
“Raoul.” I mirror the way he’s holding me and pull his head onto mine so our foreheads are touching. “Right here, right now with you, I’m happy. Isn’t that what’s important?”
“You deserve better than this.” He pulls back so he’s looking down at me and I can’t stand seeing the guilt in his eyes.
“Lotus,” I whisper the word softly, and suddenly he drops his hand from me, taking a step back.
“What’s wrong?” His eyes search me over, confused.
“You said to use my safe word when I needed things to stop, and I need you to stop torturing yourself over this. This is the whole reason I never told you about what happened with my mama. If you’d have known while it was happening you would have done something about it. But you didn’t know and that choice was mine. Even the most powerful men can’t change the past, Raoul.”
“What do you want me to do?” he asks, and I realize that this is the first time I’ve ever heard him sound helpless.
“Right now, I want you to fuck me into this shower wall and make me forget that anyone else ever existed.” Grabbing at his wrist, I tug him back onto me, and within seconds my back is slammed into the wet tiles behind me. And while he gives my body exactly what it needs after a long day apart from him, I feel myself falling even harder for him.
***
“You can’t wear that to Dinner,” Violetta laughs at me when I come down the stairs in my yoga kit. It’s just me, her, and Ludo here since Raoul left so early this morning.
“What Dinner?” I ask, today is a free day for me and I’m looking forward to some trashy tv and catching up with some editing.
“The Dinner at my parents' place, silly. You’re coming.” She laughs at me, rolling her eyes and continuing to file her nails like she hasn’t just dropped a massive bomb.
“I am not.” I laugh back at her.
“You are, I just got off the phone with Mother. I told her I ran into you this morning at a spin class and that I’ve invited you along. She’s excited to see you again.” She holds out her hand to check out her handy work like this isn’t a huge deal.
“Vi, I can’t. How awkward would that be? Not to mention the fact that Raoul would be furious.”
“Do you honestly think I would have asked if you could come without clearing it with him first? I’m not an idiot. My parents have no idea about the two of you. You’re coming today as my guest. Loosen up, it’ll be fun.”
