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I go to take a shower and then try her door again on the way down for dinner.
“Come out and eat something,” I call out after my third knock.
“I’m not hungry.” Her response infuriates me so much I slam the door with my palm.
“Evelyn, that’s a fucking order, you come down these stairs and you eat something right now!”
“Or what, you’ll kill me?” she answers back sarcastically, and I have to get myself away from the door before I fully lose my shit and crash it down.
I have Wendy take her up a tray and leave it by the door, while I eat my meal alone in my office. Then I have Ludo check the police report in New Mexico, it seems like all fingers are pointing to some local gang who Kevin owed money to.
I pour myself a drink, but it tastes sour as it goes down and more irritation builds inside me as I pace my office floor and try to figure out why all this is hurting her so bad.
It’s dark outside now, and I decide I’ve given her long enough. So I take another mouthful of scotch before storming back up the stairs. The tray of food is still outside the door and I slide it out the way with my foot before thumping my fist against the wood.
“Go away, Raoul.” She doesn’t even sound angry anymore, just weak, and that makes me even more desperate to get to her.
“If you don’t open this door I’m coming through it,” I warn, slamming my fist against it again.
I wait to hear her response but nothing comes and I’m just about to kick the door through when I hear the lock click, and after trying the handle, I’m relieved when it opens.
She’s walking away from me, heading toward the bed.
“Hey, look at me,” I grab her arm and spin her to face me, she has puffy eyes and cheeks streaked with tears, and I hate that me protecting her has been the cause of them.
“Speak to me, tell me what I did wrong.”
“You killed a man, Raoul” She stares back at me, looking shattered, and I have to forgive myself for thinking that hurt looks so damn pretty on her.
“I’ve killed a lot of men, Evelyn, I don’t need to tell you that.”
“You killed this one because of me, Raoul. Maybe you lost your conscience too long ago to understand why that might bother me.” She rips her arm out of my hand and tries to get away from me. I can’t stand it. I have to have her close. The feeling of losing her is too much. So I snatch her back and force her onto my body.
“I killed the man because he hurt you and deserved to suffer for it. I killed him because I never want him to be able to hurt you again and it’s the only way I could guarantee it. I won’t fucking apologize for that.” I grab her face in my hand and force her to look at me, and as her tears slip through my fingers, I can’t help think what a beautiful mess she is.
“I love you.” The words come harshly through my teeth. I don’t care that this isn’t the best time to tell her that, or that I probably shouldn’t be telling her it at all. I’ve regretted not telling her that I loved her back since the day I left her.
“I never asked for this life, I was born into it. And twelve years ago, I sacrificed you because I wanted you to have normal. I didn’t give you up so fuckers like him could hurt you.”
“Then why did you, Raoul? Did it never occur to you that all I wanted was—”
“I killed my first man the night I kissed you,” I blurt out, trying to make her understand. “He’d threatened to rape my mother, and while I watched him choke on a bullet, all I thought about was you. And how it would feel if someone used you against me like that.”
I squeeze her tighter in my hand, worrying she’ll run from me again.
“Loving you fucking hurts. I've spent twelve years trying to forget how much. And killing a man is not even close to the limit I’d go to keep you safe.”
I can’t tell if she’s mad, sad or if she somehow understands, but when I kiss her, she does nothing to stop me. When I break away to push the top she’s wearing over her head, she pulls me straight back onto her body.
I back us up to the bed, sitting her on the edge, unbuttoning my shirt and admiring the way she looks up at me. All the anger has left her eyes now and I gently push her onto her back, then slide her panties off her legs before I crawl through the middle of them and kiss her body all the way up to her mouth.
“I'm never going to stop loving you,” I whisper the bitter-sweet words against her skin, tasting her tears as they slide off her cheek onto my lips. “Protecting you is the only way I know how to show it. Don’t deny me that.”
Evelyn suddenly takes me by surprise, tightening her legs around my waist and using an unexpected force to flip me onto my back. She looks down at me as she takes my hands and squeezes them onto her tits, then reaches between her legs and guides my cock to meet her entrance.
“There are other ways to show people you love them, Raoul.” She edges herself onto me slowly, bracing her palms on my chest, and staring into my eyes as I feel myself fill the space inside her.
“What’s your safe word?” she asks daringly, grinding against me slowly.
