AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Twenty Four
EVELYN
I’ve spent hours roaming the city aimlessly. I couldn’t go to the studio or to Kendra's apartment, they would have been the first places Raoul looked for me. So I wait until it’s almost dark before I cautiously arrive at the studio. Raoul will have already checked here. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t leave someone here to keep watch, and I’m relieved to see no sign of his car outside. I let myself in through the main door, starting to climb the stairs up to the top floor. And when I turn the corner and I see Raoul sitting on the top step, I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed. He looks so different than usual, his hair messy, and his suit creased, he even has his tie loosened at the collar.
I hate that he looks so broken.
“Please don’t run,” he speaks quietly and calmly, and I wonder if he’d have the energy to chase me if I did.
“What are you doing here?” I sigh, resting my back against the staircase wall.
“What am I doing here?” He laughs at me weakly. “Evelyn, I’ve come to take you home. You can’t stay here.”
“I really can’t—”
“Just come back to the house with me,” he interrupts. “We can talk there.” When he stands up and reaches out his hand to me, I take a step back from him to keep the distance between us.
“I’m not going with you, I can’t play this pretend game anymore. I’m in too deep.” I start to cry again. All I’ve done today is cry and I’m not even going to blame that on the fact I got my period this morning. This has nothing to do with hormones. It's me making stupid choices.
“Me too,” Raoul admits, taking a long, steady breath., “At least let us inside so we can talk.” He holds out his hand for me again, and against all my better judgment, this time I reach out and take it.
He leads me to the door and rests his shoulder against its frame, waiting for me to take out my key to open it. I can’t stop my hands from shaking as I fumble through my purse and slide the key into the lock. He steadies my hand and takes over, opening the door for me, pushing it open with a sad smile, and then stepping inside behind me.
I throw my purse on the table by the door and when I turn around, I notice that Raoul is looking at the huge canvas I have hung on the wall. It’s a photograph of the city that I took from behind a cracked stained-glass window in one of the abandoned churches downtown.
“I took that a few months ago,” I explain, trying to break the silence. It seems strange having Raoul here in my space. He seems far too grand for it.
Up here is so disorganized and cluttered in comparison to his place.
“It’s beautiful, they all are,” he tells me, his eyes wandering over some of the others. “I didn’t realize you were so talented.” He touches his finger to the image closest to him.
“I thought my safe word made everything stop.” I drag us back to the point of him being here. I need to be strong, shut this down now so I can try and put the pieces of my life back together again.
“Why did you use it today?” He spins his focus back to me, and I feel everything inside me grow heavy.
“Because you killed a man, and I get that to you it may be a totally regular thing, but having that on my conscience is destroying me. Kevin did some terrible things, but he didn’t deserve to die.” I try my best not to think of how Raoul might have served him his punishment.
“That’s a matter of opinion.” He shrugs back at me, moving a few steps closer and checking out another one of my other photographs. It’s a close-up of a lotus flower and was the first photograph I ever took. After Raoul left for Sicily, I’d seen it down at the swamp that ran along the back of the Burlusconi estate. It reminded me of Raoul, so I went back with my dad’s old camera and I captured it. That’s where my passion first began.
“A lotus.” He studies it carefully, tilting his head. “Your safe word.” He looks at me, and watches as he tries to piece everything together.
“Why?”
“They remind me of you,” I tell him. “Lotus’s grow in murky waters, their roots are formed in mud, and yet they bloom so beautifully. It’s what I do when I take these pictures. I seek beauty among bad things.” I find enough strength to stare back at him, and wish so much that things could be different for us.
“And do you see any beauty in me?” I can tell by the sorrow in his eyes that my answer could destroy him.
“I see nothing but beauty, Raoul, even when you’re doing bad things, you have good intentions. I just can’t put my heart through this anymore. It’s time for us to stop. You made a sacrifice all those years ago, I understand it now.”
“Ev…” He moves closer again, and I hold my hand out as a wedge between us. If he touches me, I know I’ll lose all my willpower.
“You need to love Briella, fill your house with kids, and make happy memories together. Learn from your father and never make them choose family over love.”
“Don’t say that shit. You know I’m never going to love her.” He shakes his head at me in frustration, pushing past my barrier and forcing my body onto his. “I’m hurting too,” he tells me, fear and anger forcing the words out of his lips as his dark, narrow eyes expel all their pain into mine.
“Love is meant to hurt. If it didn’t, we’d never appreciate how special it was,” I whisper, trying so hard not to cry.
“This doesn’t have to end yet. I’m nowhere near ready for this to be over.” His grip on my wrist is so tight it burns, and the pain feels like a comfort.
