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He doesn't respond to me, he can't even look at me, he hasn’t once since I got back from Long Beach.
I lift the pendant that Troj gave me over my head and untie the tight knot in the leather.
This necklace was meant for my father, and it was a sweet gesture of my uncle to give it to Troj. Maybe the old man isn't as bitter as I’d thought him to be.
I continue with my purpose, unthreading one of the tiny beads from the leather before tying it back up and replacing it around my neck.
“I want you to have this.” I place the bead in my palm and hold it out in front of him. His eyes look at it for a moment, but he doesn’t take it.
“It means forgiveness,” I explain. “And I don’t think for one moment that I have to forgive you for anything. If you could have stopped what happened you would. You were a victim that night just like I was.” I place my other hand over the one he has resting on the seat.
“Don’t,” he warns me, tensing his fist so tight around the wood I fear it might snap.
“Forgive yourself, and forgive them. Don’t let what happened to us kill your spirit.” I pull up his hand with mine and force it open, placing the bead in his palm, and closing his fist around it. Then I press a kiss on his cheek and move away to head back toward the clubhouse.
“Shan.” I turn around when I hear my name. He looks up at me, making eye contact for the first time since that night. And a vision of him crawling toward me, begging me to stay with him prickles at my skin and gives me the shivers.
I snap out of it, realizing he’s up and standing in front of me now.
“What they did to me that night…” His eyes glass over with unshed tears and he pauses to look across the yard to where some of the other Souls are gathered. “…They never find out.” His words are meant to be a warning but the quiver in his voice wrenches at my heart.
“You have my word.” I nod back at him, before he moves past me and marches into the clubhouse.
“Shan.” I hear my name being called, and when I turn my head Jessie is jogging his way over to me.
“I need to talk to you.” He takes my hand and pulls me back over toward the bench where I was sitting with Storm.
“Is everything okay?” Jessie looks tense, and the way he shifts his eyes around the yard to see if anyone's watching us has me panicked.
“Everything's fine, but I do need to talk to you about this.” He pulls something out of his cut pocket and when I look down at it, I realize it’s the photo of my dad.
“I saw this on your table when me and Troj were getting ready at the cabin earlier, and he explained who this person is to you,” he tells me, handing it back to me.
“Do you know who he is?” I ask, starting to feel excited. Troj promised me last night he’d ask Prez about it, but today’s been so busy.
“Yeah, I do.” Jess nods his head and smiles. “That’s Brian Donavon.” His eyes drop down to the photograph in my hand fondly.
“He was my father,” he adds, waiting for me to realize what he’s telling me and when I do, I feel my mouth slowly open wider.
“But this is my father too,” I say looking up at him.
“Well, I guess that means you and me need to get to know each other a little better,” he nudges me with a grin on his face.
“You said was… He’s dead, isn’t he?” I ask sadly.
“He passed when I was twelve, he was running the Utah Charter at the time. And Shan, I don’t think he knew about you. He was a decent man, a real decent man. He never shied away from responsibility. My mom and him were never together, but he was always there for me, and after she died he was there for me every day right up until he got taken.”
“Taken?” I check I heard him right.
Jessie nods his head back while looking at the picture again.
“Still don’t know who did it, but I’ll find out someday and they’ll suffer for it,” he tenses up.
“Look Shan, this is a lot to take in, for both of us. I’ve only had these past few hours to wrap my head around it. I haven’t said anything to Troj or Maddy, because I figured you should be the first to know.”
“You’re my brother? I have a brother,” I say the words out loud with a huge smile on my face. Jessie’s right, this is a lot to take in, but I can’t help feeling excited.
“Looks that way.” Jessie smiles back at me.
