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It feels good to hear someone say that, especially when I don’t know if I ever had a friend before. All the girls at the club are nice, even Rogue. I guess they are my friends, even if they are just looking after me because they care about Screwy. The dynamics here are hard to figure out.
“Yes, we’re friends,” I grin, taking a step closer to the table where she’s waiting for me to sit down. I feel that nervous stir in my stomach, the same one I would get when I was alone in the dark, knowing it wouldn't be long before my trainer came back. The difference is, here I can run, the door behind me is unlocked, and I'm free. I don’t have to do this. I could go and find Screwy, ask him to take me back to his cabin, and make me feel safe again. But instead, I take a deep breath and think of Storm. He’s breaking without his sister, and I want to help him and Riley. The only way to do that is to swallow back my fear and move forward.
“I want to help Storm find Riley,” I explain as I sit down.
“You mind if I take some notes down? I promise I would never share them with anyone. Whatever you tell me will be between us, and Duke of course.” Her eyes wander over to the dog, who's already gone back to sleep. We both giggle, and it seems to put me a little at ease.
“Whatever you think will help,” I shrug and watch as Grace reaches into the bag hanging on the back of her chair for a pad and pen. “You think I’ll be able to remember? Everything just seems so blank.”
“Before we start, you should know that some of the things you’ve forgotten have probably been forgotten for a reason. They could be traumatic, so much so that your mind has purposely blanked them out. Are you ready for that?” she sounds concerned.
“I’m ready,” I assure her, thinking about how Storm had fallen apart last night.
“Okay then,” Grace places her hand over mine. “Just remember, there is nothing you can say to me that will make me judge you. Be open and be honest. And you decide when you're done talking. If you want to stop at any time, we will, okay?”
“Sure.” I nod back. There’s something calming about Grace. I can see why she does this. She’s a natural.
“Okay, I’ll make us a coffee, and then we’ll get started.” She goes to get up from the table, but I stop her.
“You know what you said about honesty?” I grit my teeth awkwardly.
“Yeah,” she spins back around.
“I really hate coffee. Can I just have water?”
“Course you can,” Grace laughs, heading to the fridge and pulling out two bottles of water. “I don’t care for it myself. It just seems to be what everyone around here does.” She shrugs, handing me my bottle.
It’s been an hour since I started speaking to Grace, her questions aren't invasive, and I feel comfortable talking about the room I was kept in. I can explain it to the very last detail, and I tell her about my trainer too, how he looked, how he smelled. I speak about the memory that came back to me recently, the one where I was in a cell, and my trainer touched me for the first time. But beyond that, there is nothing but darkness.
It’s frustrating, but Grace assures me it’s normal.
“Let’s talk a little bit about how you felt when you knew you were leaving–before the auction. Were you afraid? Did you worry about what was coming next?” I can’t see how any of this is gonna help find Storm's sister, but I answer her anyway.
“I was scared,” I nod, recalling how I felt in the car on the way to the auction when I was blinded by the sack over my head. “But I was also hopeful. I couldn’t imagine anyone being worse than my trainer.”
“And when you were in the cell, in that first memory you have, when you found out what you were to be sold as… how did you feel then?” she asks softly.
“Angry that I was something of value to them. How could someone put a price on me like that?” I answer, and Grace nods in agreement. “That decision should have been mine to make, with someone who I loved.” I can feel tears starting for the first time since I started speaking. “I guess that’s when I figured that my life wasn’t mine anymore. It belonged to whoever bid the highest price for it.”
“You know that’s not the case now, Lydia? You're free. The decision is yours again,” Grace reminds me with a hopeful smile.
“Yeah, but for how long? I’ve heard people talking. I see how worried Screwy looks whenever something is said about them. They could come for me–they could come for all of you and all because he saved me.” I let all my fears spill out, along with my tears.
“I should have done it while I had the chance, and then we…” I stop myself from speaking because the voice that's coming out feels like it belongs to someone else. When I close my eyes, I hear the dripping of water and feel the chill against my skin.
It’s dark, there's only a dim light in the distance, and I’m all alone. I can hear my own shaky breath and feel my bones chattering.
“Lydia?” I hear Grace calling my name, but she seems so far away from me, and I’m too weak to call back to her.
I can’t open one of my eyes because my face is swollen. When I look down at my body with the other eye, I’m bruised and dirty.
“You stupid fucking bitch.” My trainer squats down so he’s level with me, and swings the metal pipe in his hand, slapping it into his opposite palm. Then he strikes me across the face and slams it hard into my stomach.
“How did this happen?” He looks to the man standing to his left.
“She ripped it from the wall, sir, must have taken some force.” He sounds fearful. “And did she manage to do any damage?” my trainer asks.
“I’m okay. She got a few good hits on me, but…”
