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The bed next to her was empty. Farrendel must never have come to bed as she had assumed he eventually would.
His cries were not coming from the porch right outside the window, but from farther away. Almost like he was in the other bedroom, the one where she had stayed for the first three months of their marriage.
What was he doing all the way over there? Didn’t he want her help with the nightmares?
Wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, Essie forced herself out of the nice warm bed and made her way from their room, down the stairs, across the main room, and up the second set of stairs to the room that had once been hers.
When she reached the door, she knocked. “Farrendel?”
Inside, the cry cut off, and an awareness flooded the heart bond a moment before the cold block crashed down between her and Farrendel.
“Farrendel? Are you all right?” She tugged on the door.
It wouldn’t budge. Was it...locked?
She tugged again, as if the door would have miraculously unlocked, but it hadn’t.
What was going on? Even when they had first been married, Farrendel had never locked her out before. Not even when he’d had nightmares.
Essie pounded on the door. “Farrendel? Let me in. I can sit with you. Or we can talk.”
No answer.
Essie pressed her forehead to the door, hot tears stinging the corners of her eyes. Pressure built in her chest. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to cry or scream or yell or shake him until he snapped out of this.
He couldn’t help it. He’d gone through a lot of trauma as a prisoner of the trolls.
But that still didn’t stop her from wanting to shake some sense into him until things went back the way they were before he had been captured. She couldn’t even reach him through the heart bond. That, too, was locked tightly against her.
“Farrendel. What’s going on? Please, at least talk to me. Just let me in. Please.” Essie wasn’t sure if she meant the door, the heart bond, or both.
Still no answer. Coming from Farrendel, that was as good as a shout for her to go away.
She leaned her forehead against the door, blinking back tears. Despite her best efforts, her voice came out choked. “I’ll be in the main room with hot chocolate if you want it. You can come down when you’re ready.”
Gripping her blanket tighter around her shoulders, Essie returned to the main room, said the word that turned on the lights, and set to work gathering the supplies for hot chocolate, including milk from the cold cupboard and the cocoa mix from a shelf next to the two mugs that she and Farrendel had picked out in the Aldon Market.
That seemed so long ago now, meandering the market with Farrendel. Laughing with him. Trying all the different flavors of hot chocolate. They had been so happy and carefree, even with the threat of war looming over them.
Hot tears traced down Essie’s face, and she had to blink to see what she was doing as she lit the camp stove, warmed the milk, and stirred in the mix. When it was done, she poured it into the two mugs, took them both to the cushions along the far wall, and sat with a blanket over her legs.
She cradled her mug and waited.
And waited.
Until the hot chocolate went cold and Essie could no longer deny the truth.
He wasn’t coming.
She shoved aside both of the mugs and curled on the pile of cushions. She pressed her face into a pillow, dragged the blanket over her head, and let herself cry.
She had done her best to be strong from the moment Farrendel had been captured. She had clung to hope as they fought across Kostaria. She had refused to break, no matter how much it had hurt, knowing what the trolls were doing to him.
But she wasn’t strong enough for this. Losing Farrendel hadn’t broken her. But getting him back just might.
The tapping was solight that Essie lay there for several moments, not sure if she was awake or asleep or what was making that noise. Her eyes felt caked shut, and when she finally managed to peel them open, her eyelids scraped as if they were filled with dirt.
With a groan, she pushed onto her elbow, swiping her hair from her face and blinking at the early morning sunlight streaming through the windows.
