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Strangely, Essie did not ask why, though that could have been because she did not want to ask prying questions while his family was staring at them. She knew how opening up in front of others made him uncomfortable.
Instead, she smiled brightly, as if to dissipate the heaviness that had descended on the train car at the reference to a tense time in their family. “My family has a similar summer cottage. My mother would take us there as often as she could when we were growing up. It is hard growing up under the scrutiny of the court all the time. At that cottage, we had a chance to be children. I imagine Lethorel must be like that for you, though you weren’t all children at the same time the way me and my brothers were. One of the few memories I have of my father is at that cottage.”
Farrendel stared at the floor, unable to look at Essie or at his family. “Yes, Lethorel is like that for us.”
“Father was able to love all of us best at Lethorel. Some of my best memories of us as a family are there.” Jalissa’s voice was quiet, breaking just a bit.
Farrendel did not lift his gaze, but he could hear the faint creaking of the cushions as Weylind shifted.
No one spoke, but there was a wealth of memories in the silence. At Lethorel, their family had been just a little less broken. Dacha had smiled again—laughed again—while there.
And yet, it had also reinforced just how shattered the family was. Weylind, Melantha, and Jalissa had memories there with their macha. Dacha had retreated there, choosing to protect Farrendel instead of spending time with the others in Estyra. Farrendel had spent most of his childhood there, happy and yet rather lonely much of the time.
He turned toward the window, fighting the urge to retreat. His private train car was hitched to this train—Weylind knew better than to leave it behind in case Farrendel needed space—even if they would be spending the night in Arorien instead of on the train. A show of supporting the townsfolk rather than keeping to themselves like stuffy royalty.
Before the tense silence could drag on any longer, Essie gave an exaggerated yawn, shifted closer to Farrendel, and plunked her head onto his shoulder, tucking her feet onto the cushion. “I think I’m going to take a nap.”
Weylind made a tiny, strangled sound at the sight of them snuggling. When Farrendel risked a peek at them, Jalissa’s eyes had widened, and even Rheva had frozen.
Farrendel tensed as Essie squirmed and wiggled, trying to find a comfortable spot on his shoulder.
If they had been alone, he would have wrapped his arm around her and tucked her against him, as he had done during their long nights after one of his nightmares.
But, with his family watching, all he did was tilt his shoulder a bit until Essie gave that sigh of pleasure and snuggled into place. After a few minutes, her breathing began to even out as she drifted off to sleep.
“Is she asleep?” Weylind eyed Essie with something between disgust and puzzlement. He spoke in elvish, probably believing Essie would not be able to understand him even if she was still awake. Not that Farrendel was about to tell him how competent Essie was becoming at understanding elvish.
Besides, based on the way Essie was slumped against his shoulder, Essie was likely asleep. So when Farrendel replied, it was not a lie. “Yes.”
Next to him, Ryfon and Brina were edging away, as if seeing their uncle snuggling was making them uncomfortable.
But considering how unwelcoming his family had been to Essie, Farrendel did not care how uncomfortable his family was. He was in the mood to rub his relationship with Essie in their faces, if that was what it took for them to finally recognize that Essie was exactly what he needed all along.
“Do you care for her, shashon?” Jalissa eyed him and Essie, snuggled as they were.
For a moment, Farrendel thought about attempting to roll his eyes like Essie did. The whole snuggled up together thing should have given away how much he cared for Essie. He would not let her this close otherwise.
Instead, he remained mature. Quiet sincerity would go over better. “Yes. She does not mind my scars.”
His feelings for her went far deeper than just her lack of disgust at his scars. But it was a simple way to put it that his family would understand.
Rheva’s eyes softened, and the supportive nod she sent Farrendel’s way indicated that perhaps not all of his family was so torn when it came to Essie.
Weylind’s jaw worked, his eyes still a little flinty. But he did not speak, thankfully.
Jalissa sighed, her eyes pained. “We do not mind your scars either.”
“Not like her. She…” Farrendel trailed off, as he looked down at where Essie slept against him. How could he possibly convey to his family the way Essie sawhimin a way that even they did not? “They do not bother her.”
“Of course they bother me. You are my little brother. I held you as an infant. I dried your tears when you were a child.” Jalissa leaned forward, even more pain shimmering in her dark brown eyes. “It hurts to see my little brother hurt.”
“I know.” Farrendel had to look away. He knew his family loved him and worried for him, but it was hard to carry the burden of their hurt for him on top of his own struggles.
“That is why I do not want to see you hurt by her. I want you to be happy.” Jalissa’s voice held a depth of pain, as if she had experience being hurt.
Though if she had, she had never told Farrendel about it.
Still, he was sick and tired of his family doubting Essie, no matter their reasons. Yes, they worried for him. Yes, they had good reason to doubt. But this was Essie, and even if they doubted Farrendel, it was not right that they could not see Essie for the wonderful, caring person that she was.
