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Zara’s little face scrunched up as her hands formed fists. “Mama!”
The shout was so unlike her. My baby girl never yelled, not in anger.
I sank to my knees, pulling her close. “I’m sorry.” Gutted, I didn’t know how to make her understand. “I’d take her place if I could. I’m so sorry, baby.”
Zara’s little hands gripped my arms as she stomped her feet, splashing as she looked down. A little smile tugged at her lips, already forgetting our conversation. “Wawa.”
“Yeah, water. You splash as much as you want,” I answered, struggling like hell not to betray the tears lodged in my throat.
Fuck.How was I supposed to do this? How did I raise a child on my own and give her all that she needed? Would she miss out because she didn’t have a mother?
“Dada.”
I caught Zara right before she slipped, scooping her up into my arms, not giving a shit that she was dripping water all over me. Skyla picked up a fluffy towel with a little hood on one end shaped like a teddy bear.
She placed it over Zara’s head, and I wrapped up my little ray of sunshine, getting her snuggled as I walked back into her room.
She was almost too big for her changing table now, mostly because she wiggled so damn much I feared she would fall off. I placed her down, one hand on her stomach as I reached for a diaper. I had it fastened when Skyla handed me a bottle of baby lotion.
“Warm it up on your hands first; otherwise, it’s cold on her skin.”
I knew that. Cindi used to remind me all the time. Somehow, the words comforted me. I could do this. I just needed to breathe and be present in the moment.
One day at a time.
Squirting some of the lotion on my hands, I brought them together, warming up the fragrant liquid before I slathered it on Zara’s skin. She loved it, cooing with happy gurgles. The baby powder scent reminded me of how she smelled at birth and the first moment I held her in my arms.
Once I had her buttoned up in a sleeper, I picked her up and held her against my chest again, rocking her as I began to sway. My eyes closed for a few seconds, and I thought of Cindi and the night we came home from the hospital as new parents. I made a promise to her that I would always be there for her and our daughter.
Skyla laid a hand on my arm, and I blinked, staring down at the tender expression on her face. “Goodnight, Daniel.”
I watched her leave, still staring long after she shut the door. I didn’t know why but there was a slight pull in my chest, a nudge to bring her back, and I wondered if I called her name, would she return and stand in the lonely silence until it didn’t feel so empty anymore.
Chapter 5
“Can we talk?” Danielasked, cornering me outside his room the following afternoon.
