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“I was just going to sit by the edge of the canyon and work on a song,” Dez blurted before Tripp could say anything.
What surprised Zakk was the way Tripp rubbed his eyes, and glanced between them a second time, the look on his face one Zakk used to interpret as a scowl before he’d gotten to know the man better. Now, he realized it was Tripp’s thinking face, and the expression he often wore while trying to decide whether to ask a question.
“Not quite that close, I hope,” Tripp said. Now it was Dez that looked startled and uncertain of what to say.
“I hope I didn’t wake you,” Zakk said, stepping closer to Tripp.
Shaking his head, Tripp scooted closer to him as well. “Naa I thought I was sneaking out so I wouldn’t wake you.”
Dez just snorted and shook his head at them, trying to edge past to reach the other end of the hall, keeping his voice low when he spoke. “No, see, I’m the one who’s sneaking out, as long as none of us wake Riley. I kept him up all night stargazing and talking about some of the things we hadn’t been talking about, and he was grouchy and apologetic all day as a result of not getting enough sleep. I’d rather not have a repeat performance tomorrow.”
“Was he giving you shit?” Zakk asked, immediately going into protective mode, only to have Dez grin and shake his head, motioning them to join him further down the hall, away from Riley’s door.
“He wasn’t being an ass,” Dez whispered, “He just wasn’t enjoying the day as fully as he should have been able to, and he wouldn’t take a nap because he knewIwould just lie there staring at the wall. When I tried telling him it was fine, that I was going to go check out the ropes and rappelling walls, he insisted on coming along. Said he didn’t want to miss any chance to hang out, just one on one, which…damn, I needed to hear that, but by the same token, I wanted him to sleep so badly, I wished smoking actually mellowed me out enough to crash. Maybe I should have gotten that prescription refilled before we headed out here.”
“I know you don’t mean those sleeping pills,” Zakk hissed, tempted to get louder when Dez motioned for him to lower his voice.
“It’s the only way to ensure I crash, and you know it,” Dez grumbled. “But I hate feeling like a zombie in the morning and the headache that comes with it, so I didn’t, okay.”
“Good,” Zakk said. “Now, in any of that talking you and Riley did, have you thought to mention why you don’t sleep so good?”
“Yeah.”
“Finally!” Zakk said, fist pumping. “Please tell me you told him all of it.”
“Every bit,” Dez replied. “Though I’m pretty sure it was the other reason he wasn’t in too big of a hurry to leave me to my own devices today.”
“Yeah well, I’m not particularly inclined to leave you to your own devices right now, so why don’t the three of us head out and check out the acoustics,” Zakk suggested.
“Works for me,” Tripp said. Clearly, Dez didn’t know what to make of that, but he was also not confrontational enough to make an issue of it, so the three of them headed out the door.
Zakk was used to stepping outside and hearing the sounds of the city, or at least the bustle of a large town and the highway running through it. Years of staying at campgrounds had given him an appreciation for the crackle of campfires, soft chatter, and crickets serenading them as they attempted to fall asleep. Nothing he’d experienced had ever prepared him for the silence of the desert at night, or the vastness of the multihued sky overhead.
Solar lights lit the path to the canyon, each one poking out of a cluster of succulents, some of the plants so translucent they absorbed the light and glowed with it, making the path seem like something out of a fantasy film. There were fire rings along the rim of the canyon, piles of wood stacked neatly near each one, with kindling and tinder boxes so they could get the fire started. Dez walked past the first three, to the one furthest away, and laid his guitar case down, but when he turned to grab some wood, Tripp already had it, and Zakk had the kindling and his lighter out, so Dez dropped onto the ground beside his guitar, rather than pull over one of the several chairs available.
“I can’t believe how peaceful it is out here,” Tripp remarked.
“You’re not the only one,” Zakk replied, Dez murmuring his agreement.
Zakk glanced over to see him tracing patterns in the sand.
“Only drove through this part of the country a handful of times,” Dez said. “But we never stayed anyplace like this. It was always the city, in some pretentious penthouse with boatloads of security. I never could get used to having someone with me every time I wanted to step outside.”
“You know that was for your own protection, right?” Tripp said. For a moment, it looked like Dez was going to bristle at his words, and the calm between them would evaporate into a cloud of curse words and frayed nerves, then Dez relaxed, nodding.
“Yeah, but who the hell was I, ya know,” Dez said softly. “No one knew me, I could blend into the crowd and be just another guy. It was the bodyguard that drew attention my way, or at least, that’s what I thought at the time.”
“Only it was you, and you couldn’t see it,” Zakk added.
“Pretty much. But while it was happening, I felt like an imposter, like anyone who noticed would be looking at us going ‘who the fuck is that guy’?”
“Or maybe it was you who was thinking that about yourself,” Tripp tossed out there. “Wondering where you got the nerve to be acting like some sort of a celebrity when in your head you were just you, and no amount of performances or fan fairs was going to change that.”
“Exactly,” Dez replied, his whole face coming alive as he turned his attention fully on Tripp.
“Imposter syndrome,” Tripp said. “We all get it. I’m curious though, which band were you with at the time?”
“Carrion.”
