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Dez’s voice was low and barely audible when he replied. “What?”
Zakk cast a glance over his shoulder to see Dez watching them walk away. “Two shows.”
“Huh?”
“That’s how long Reed needed before he knew he wasn’t ready to take back his spot. He pushed on well past that though. What choice did he have when the guy who should have been there for them had taken off without a word? That’s the last I’m going to stay out it. The work you’ve done with us has been stellar, I hope you’ll keep it up. I also hope you will think before you ever walk out on this band, because you won’t be getting an invite to come back, let alone multiple ones.”
He did leave then, still uncertain of whether they’d truly gotten through to Dez or if they were about to make a huge mistake. The material he and Dez had been producing…
Okay, Riley had a point when he said it was good. It was amazing and he and Dez together had clicked right from the beginning. Their styles, their way of putting words together, it all meshed.
Which was why he walked out of that room feeling like he’d been trying to punish his friend not over the mistakes Dez had made in the past, but fear of being blindsided, the same way Dez had reacted to Saint’s Seduction’s request. It was enough to bring him to a halt. He turned to see Dez standing alone in the middle of the room with his head down.
In that moment, it occurred to Zakk exactly what he was doing. He was trying to shove Dez away for fear that the man would leave. He was trying to spare himself pain the way Dez had tried to do with Saint’s Seduction, and in doing so, was about to hurt someone he valued a great deal.
It was a lesson Dez was learning the hard way, and one that Zakk had no desire to repeat. Instead of leaving, he returned to Dez’s side and placed a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m a fuckin’ idiot,” Zakk said, giving Dez’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’m sorry. This…this is about being afraid of losing you, not you not telling us every little detail of your past with other bands.”
When Dez met his gaze, Zakk saw a mixture of panic and hurt in them.
“About damn time you came to your senses,” James remarked from where he’d remained in the shadows, always watching over them and making sure they were good.
“I’m sorry too,” Dez said, voice a little shaky and choked up. “I shoulda told you guys everything. I shouldn’t have left the Saints the way I did either. They’re awesome guys….which was why it hurt to be asked to step back. I felt like I’d made a place with them and knowing I hadn’t wasn’t something I handled well.”
“You fuck up, you grow, that’s how it works in this business,” James said. “Now, does that little acknowledgement of yours mean I can pass you the phone the next time they call?”
For a moment it looked like Dez was going to balk at the suggestion.
“Hey,” James said. “This isn’t about trying to get you to go back and play for them, we would all be pissed if you left Tattered Angel. This is about repairing something good with guys you genuinely care about, and who truly and deeply care for you. So…”
“Yeah, okay….I umm I guess that would be alright.”
“Good. Now, if we’re done here, I’m going to go get some food.”
Chapter 24
One moment beneath the sun
Their time at the spa was creeping to a close. One more week, then it was off to perform the series of small shows James and Russ had booked for them. It would be a chance to test out the new songs on actual people, finalize their setlists for Rocktoberfest, and recemented the bonds the band had been forming for the past year.
Even with the decision to move forward after Rocktoberfest, things still felt a little fractured among the members of Tattered Angel. It was almost like they’d stepped back in time to the days after Dez had first auditioned. Back then he’d been shy, hesitant, and mostly silent; watching them with an intensity that only seemed to grow each time Zakk caught his eye.
The easy dialogue between them, the laughing camaraderie, all of that was gone, replaced with a brittle, uneasy harmony that came off as a little bit forced. Zakk knew it would need to be fixed before they left here. The pressures of the road and a massive show like Rocktoberfest would surely tear them apart if they went out into that kind of atmosphere without a strong foundation. As it was, he would be pulling double duty filling in for Tavis during Bleeding Dawn’s sets, while Tripp was stressed beyond belief about being enough to fill not only his roll, but his brothers.
It sucked that there were so many harsh feelings between him and Dez, as Dez would have been more than capable of filling in for Winter, only he wasn’t about to suggest it to Tripp, not after ordering his boyfriend to stay the fuck out of his band’s business.
Early mornings had become a thing again, which was why he was wandering out to see the sunrise, a cup of coffee in his hand. Next time they did the whole spa trip thing, he was storing a case of energy drinks in his suitcase, because coffee hadn’t been cutting it lately. Bleary eyed, Zakk shambled up the path, a twinkle of light on metal catching his eye. When it flashed a second time, he forgot about the benches rimming the gorge and headed in that direction.
It shouldn’t have surprised him to find Dez sitting in one of the meditation spaces, but him having his bike there, cleaning supplies on the ground beside him as he polished the metal was….different.
He was humming something Zakk wasn’t familiar with. New, maybe? He realized, in that instant, just how much had changed between them, when he was uncertain of the welcome he’d be treated to, if he plopped down on the ground beside Dez. Never one to shy away from an awkward situation, Zakk gave in to the impulse to join him, getting comfortable and sipping his coffee when Dez glanced at him and went back to cleaning. Seemed like he was polishing the same bit of chrome over and over, before he finally looked at Zakk, a cautious look in his eyes.
“You wanna take a ride?” Dez asked.
“Pretty sure sleep pants and sneakers are not classified as riding gear.”
“Ech, they are for where I’m goin’, so, you wanna?”
