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His growl sends a shiver down my spine as he straightens himself, tightens his hold on my bottom, and then totes me farther down the hall. He turns his back against a door and uses his weight to push it open, revealing a master bedroom with a huge king-sized bed in the center. He lowers me gently to the duvet-covered mattress, aligning himself over my body, maintaining the kissing and biting. My lips pucker with the pleasure-pain of his teeth and are then soothed by the sucking. He pulls away to nuzzle his face in my chest, moaning as he moves his mouth over the peaks.
He moves up off me, balancing his weight on his forearms to stare at my face. “So pretty. You are such a sight.” He bends down to swallow my bottom lip into his mouth, nipping and tugging at it—tasting me. Devouring. Feasting.
“I have waited so long to finally touch you like this. To really touch you. And baby? You are so worth the wait.” With one hand, he fans my hair out from behind my head, spreading it over a cranberry-colored satin pillow. He rolls off me, grabbing a pillow for his own head, never taking his eyes off mine.
My heart bangs against my chest at the turn of events. I knew he was bound to make a move. However, I didn’t expect it to be so…
Delicious.
I watch with anxious anticipation as he reaches into the nightstand drawer, pulls out a remote control, and then uses it to soften the silence with some music. I lay back and will myself to relax as David Gray’s haunting instrumental version of “This Year’s Love” plays through the hidden sound system. After adjusting the volume, Graham slips out of bed to light some candles around the room. While very romantically cliché, I surprise myself by liking the gesture. It warms my heart that he is going to all of the trouble to make this experience less stressful for me—even if it was unexpected. After the numerous missed opportunities to achieve an orgasm, my belief was restored in myself when Graham helped me let go in my own bed. Maybe all along it was my self-doubt that was holding me back from enjoying that level of pleasure.
Now I lie on his bed, staring up at the glorious man who has taught me that I deserve to be happy and that it is okay to trust someone else while being broken. Despite all the chaos going around me, I can stop my world from spinning out of control for just this moment and enjoy the feeling of losing my inhibitions.
And that’s the turning point for me.
Graham is my equilibrium. He sees me exactly the opposite of how I see myself. He sees me opposite of how most males have ever viewed me. To everyone else, I am damaged. A challenge and a conquest. But to Graham, I can just be me. Angry, sad, foolish, or—
Happy?
My eyes blink back tears at the realization that for the first time in over a decade, I can honestly say that I am just that. I am happy. Balanced.
Yes, I might lose my chance at a real internship again. Yes, I have a lurker sending me crazy texts and pictures. Yes, I am potentially being blackmailed. Yes, I might have my best friend and roommate leave me for a dream job.
But ever since Graham has crashed into my life, everything has been different. Out of the shadows of any preconceived notion of how I would live the rest of my life alone, Graham forced himself inside the fortress of my stubborn walls and changed the game.
It is like starting over. I am not the same Angela McFee I was before. I have evolved and figured out that when there is darkness, there is still the hope for light. Happiness is the hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow. Hope for a better future.
The feel of tingles traveling from my scalp to my toes sends me spiraling back to the present moment. Graham continues to run his fingers through my hair as he settles in beside me on the mattress, inviting me to snuggle in closer to his side with each stroke.
“I am going to touch you all over, sweetheart. I am going to drive you deliriously wild.”
“Yes, please,” I purr.
“I am going to give you so many orgasms, and you are going to beg me for more. That, I will thoroughly enjoy.” His eyes twinkle with promise. “I will give you pleasure.”
My mouth gapes open, and I just focus on breathing.
“We are going to need to get you on some kind of birth control regimen. I’ll schedule a doctor’s appointment for you this week.”
“I’m on the pill,” I offer sheepishly. “For cramps and such.”
His brow furrows, a frown on his lips. “Depending on the type, you have to take it the same time every day. No skipping. And you cannot be on any antibiotics or the effectiveness will be lost.”
Well, then. I swallow hard and blink up at him from my reclined position on his massively big bed, dumbfounded that he knows this much about the female body and the regimen of contraceptive dosages and effectiveness.
I clear my throat and prepare to provide him with the information he is obviously waiting for. If he wasn’t lying in the bed, I could see him tapping his foot on the floor in an effort to speed up my response.
“I have been on the pill for about four years to help manage the pain during my…”
“Don’t start being shy now.” He kisses my nose. “I’m about to see every inch of you. Up close.”
“I take it for regulating my period.” I feel my face flush at the mention of my monthly cycle. This can’t possibly be normal conversation with the person you are about to sleep with, but I don’t have past experiences to use for comparison.
His expression changes and his features lighten. “Okay. Good.” I watch as he reaches into the top drawer of the nightstand on his side of the bed, handing me a stapled packet of papers. “My health screening, dated last week. I know that you are free of any diseases since the agency already checks into that before contracts are signed.”
I nod and swallow hard, panic starting at the fast-paced feeling of the events that are about to unfold. I am not naive enough to think that this is not going to hurt.
“Are you sure you want to continue?” Graham asks, locking eyes with mine.
