AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Rowan sobbed painfully hard as quietly as she could. Mary-Margaret and James held her firmly between them.
“They put him on the list for a transplant but during two simpler procedures, he coded on the table. No matter what they tried, they almost lost him. They knew he’d never survive the surgery for a new heart. He told himself his doctor was overreacting. Until the day James saved his life after Ben attempted to take a single flight of steps like he used to.”
Shaking his head, Samuel’s voice was quieter. “After that, he was angry all the time. He resented the restrictions, the way he had to live, and regularly threatened to take himself out of the game. He was given a year to live and made plans to end it on his terms.” The man roughly wiped at his tears. “Then he met you, Rowan.”
There was the sound of crying from Samuel’s wife and several others. Rowan felt as if her heart was going to stop from the pain.
“I’ve never seen a human being’s state of mind improve so much in a matter of days. Ben refused to let us - all his closest friends - meet you. He wanted you to himself for as long as possible.” He smiled. “We got forty years, he said, and the rest belonged to you. It must have been amazing to reach his age and fall in love for the first time in his life.”
Holding the sides of the podium, Samuel stared into Rowan’s eyes from ten feet away. “I know you’re hurting and I’m sorry you didn’t have more time with Ben. I regret that you didn’t know him before he got sick. Your complete devotion to him in every way turned the end of his life around. Thank you for reminding him what laughter and conversation was like, for showing him what it was to be loved. We would have lost him a lot sooner without you.”
Walking to Rowan, Samuel crouched in front of her and she tried to pull herself together without success.
Softly, he told her, “Bennett called you his fearless lioness. When the wounds to your heart heal - and they will, Rowan - return to your life with a roar.”
“I-I…” Shaking her head, she couldn’t speak.
“Let the people around you hold you up until you can stand. My family is forever in your debt and we’re here if you need us.”
“Th-thank...thank you, Samuel.”
Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her forehead through the veil. “I’m sorry, Rowan.”
He went to sit beside his wife, wrapped his arm around her, and murmured at her ear as she cried.
The pastor resumed the podium and said, “If everyone will please bow your head.” After his prayer, he announced, “Mrs. Jefferson has prepared a reception at the house. If everyone will follow that young man, he’ll escort you.”
To James, she whispered, “I-I need a few minutes with Bennett.” He nodded and helped her to her feet.
He led her into the bright marble building that held Bennett’s parents and his younger brother who’d died in a car accident before Rowan was born.
Bennett’s coffin sat on a pedestal in the center beneath a skylight. The sun shining on him made Rowan’s breath catch. James let her go and stayed back.
Approaching the coffin, Rowan stared at her husband’s profile and reached out to smooth the silver at his temples. “Hello, my darling. You look gorgeous as always.” Removing a folded piece of paper from inside her bra, she tucked it in his suit behind the silk pocket square. “You used to love when I left handwritten notes on your desk. I wrote you one more, saying all the things I always wanted to say.” She laughed through painful tears. “Some of it is absolutelyscandalous, Bennett.”
She swallowed around the lump in her throat and placed her palm on his chest.
“Three days after I met you, you told me about your heart. Knowing my time with you would be limited, I let myself fall in love with you anyway.”
Leaning heavily on the edge of the coffin, she worked to get her hysteria under control.
“You broke down the walls I put up to keep people from getting too close, Bennett. Being near you, hearing your voice, watching the expressions on your face, being part of your magnificent world...it changed everything.”
Closing her eyes, she tried to breathe. “I understand why you left me. I swear I do. Themethod, Bennett...it haunts me. I-I can’t get your last minutes out of my mind and I hate myself for not stopping it, not trying to save you.” She whimpered. “If I’m pregnant, I’ll have to look at our child knowing I didn’t try to save you.”
She cried for several minutes, unable to speak.
Rowan placed her palm on his cool cheek. “Even though I knew the day would come, it still felt sudden and unexpected. The pain...it’s so much worse than the first time my heart broke, Bennett. I-I loved you as hard as I could and lost you anyway. I feel like a failure.” She smoothed her fingers over his lips and her tears fell to the silk that lined his coffin.
“I’m lonely without you. Youknewme. I could tell you anything, ask you anything, and there was always honesty between us. You made me a better person in every way.”
Resting her forehead on her arm, she sobbed. “I’d trade every cent of your empire to have you back. We could thrift shop and live off ramen noodles.” Staring at his face, she gasped, “I won’t let you down. I’ll take care of James and Mary-Margaret always. If I’m carrying our baby, it will know all about the incredible man you were.”
Stretching, she leaned over to kiss his lips. “I love you and I miss how it felt to be loved by you. I didn’t get enough time, Bennett. I wanted so much more.”
Backing slowly from the coffin, Rowan stared at him as long as she could because she could never be physically near him again. “Goodbye, Bennett.”
As she stepped out of the mausoleum, her heart accepted that Bennett was trulygone. Pain arced through her entire body and she couldn’t get enough air.
