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“Fine, glutton. I don’t know where you put it.”
“Wherever it will fit. Quit stalling.”
They walked downstairs with Nina singing a show tune and entered the kitchen. Rowan stopped so suddenly that her friend ran into her back. James and Mary-Margaret went quiet.
Gage stood in her house.
Chapter Seventeen
Hands on his hips, Gage looked Rowan in the eye and said firmly, “We’re havin’ our talk now, sweetheart. It’s about nine years overdue.”
When she didn’t argue, he opened the door to the back porch and held it wide. Silent and still, he waited.
In a daze, Rowan crossed the kitchen floor in her bare feet and walked outside. Gage’s horse was tethered to the rail. It snuffed at her and she took a step back with a squeal.
“First things first. This is Roosevelt - I call him Teddy. He’s a Quarter Horse, big for his breed, and I’ve had him since he was a yearlin’.”
She cleared her throat. “You b-bought him from Sunny.”
He grinned. “You remember.” Bending, he lifted Rowan’s hand and placed her palm on Teddy’s nose. “He’s gentle. Used to bein’ around kids and smaller animals. Real good with the cows.”
“He’s warm and soft.”
“He won’t hurt you, Rowan.” In a low voice, he added, “I won’t hurt you either.”
Blinking against tears that instantly welled, she found the courage to look at him. “You can’t...promise that.”
“I damn well can.”
“I don’t...everyone keeps saying that Bennett is dead, that he’d want me to be happy.” She swallowed hard. “I know both of those things.”
“It doesn’t make you hurt less. I know how much you loved him, Rowan. I’m not tryin’ to take his place, I’m not tryin’ to make you forget him. I liked and respected Bennett. Not just as a man but asyourman. He treated you right, loved you right, and didn’t take you for granted.” One shoulder lifted in a shrug. “I can’t say any of that.”
“It was a long time ago.”
Shaking his head, he replied, “Not to me. Not to Nina either - no matter how she pretends otherwise.”
He stared at the land and she took in his profile. Strong jaw, high cheekbones, long lashes, firm lips - he’d always been good looking. The passing of time had matured him, changed him in subtle ways, but when she looked at him, all she saw was the boy she fell in love with.
Facing her without blinking, he said, “I’m sorry, Rowan. I didn’t mean to hurt you like I did. I went from desperate to guilty to greedy so quick and...I was gainin’ speed, slidin’ downhill a little faster with every mistake I added to the first one. I knew what I was doin’. I made excuses for it, then I started tellin’ myself you’d understand, maybe even be willin’ to absolve me of all guilt by bein’ part of it.”
Shaking his head roughly, he gave a bitter laugh. “The things a man will tell himself to keep bein’ a selfish piece of shit.”
“You’re not a piece of shit, Gage. Neither of you were. Just young, foolish, and full of hormones.”
“Nah, honey. I was a grown man. I patted myself on the back for goin’ a wholenine monthswithout fuckin’ and threw everything I wanted with you in the trash.”
She patted the horse gently and stared at a white diamond shape in the center of his forehead.
“Bennett told me most men aren’t worth a damn until they hit thirty. Before that, he said they’re led around by their dick without an ounce of sense.” Remembering the way he’d said it made her smile. Imitating his crisp voice, she said, “All the blood is diverted south and we are dumb asrocks, Rowan.”
Gage laughed. “Sounds about right. I really liked him.”
“Me, too. Even though he was thirty-five years older, we had a lot in common, a lot to talk about. We-we never ran out of conversation.”
“You’re an old soul. That’s what Sweet Pea always said about you, remember? The two of you could talk for hours.”
“I haven’t thought about her in a long time.” Gage’s great-grandmother had taken a liking to Rowan when she was thirteen. She died when Rowan started high school and it hit everyone who knew her hard. “She was always kind to me.”
