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After twenty-five years of leaving men broken and bleeding in my wake, I’ve happened upon one that will set fire to me if I let him. I can’t stay here another minute. Even now, my resolve to go is weakening. I’ll call you next week at the usual time. Please tell Gage it was good to see him and I’m glad that awkwardness is behind us. Love you. ~ Nina
Shaking, she tapped the pen against a fresh piece of paper. Starting and stopping several times, she felt anxious on the inside. Finally, she decided to tell the truth.
James, thank you for the best night of my life. I have to leave. I can’t risk spending more time in your presence. You may have things all figured out but I’m far less confident in your predictions. This would never work. I know that even if you don’t. ~ Nina
PS: I briefly considered seducing young Trey but couldn’t be bothered. I’ve never been as exhausted as I am now. I’ll hunt when I get back to New York because I have to. It’s the only thing that keeps me breathing.
Putting each letter in an envelope, she wrote names on the fronts and grabbed her suitcase. Outside, handing her bag and two of the letters to Trey, she left the one for Miss Jeffries tucked in the door jamb of her bungalow.
Gage stepped out on his porch. Hands on his hips, he asked, “Nina. You runnin’?”
“Hell, yes. See you around, Gage.”
“Hope you know what you’re doin’. Later, Nina.”
Trey closed her in the back of the SUV and Nina slipped sunglasses over her eyes while she tried to pretend her entire body wasn’t trembling.
An hour later, she was waiting to board her flight when her cell vibrated. She knew it was from James, even though the number wasn’t programmed into her personal phone, because there was only one word...
Chicken.
She walked up the boarding ramp as her legs shook and her mind felt split in two. By the time she took her seat, tears fell steadily into her lap.
“Oh, honey. You leavin’ somebody behind you love?”
“I need two whiskey and sodas. Make them both doubles.”
“Uh…”
“Yes. I’m leaving behind someone I love...his dying wife just made a full recovery. Please help me before I shatter into a million pieces. Two whiskey and sodas.”
“Oh, dear! Oh, you poor thing. Give me just a minute.”
Leaning her head back, Nina closed her eyes and started to count. She counted every minute to New York.
Every minute to her apartment.
Every minute to midnight that marked the end of the longest day she’d had in a long time.
The next morning, she got up and counted again.
* * *
“Nina darling, you’ve spent three sessions staring at nothing without a word. Tell me what’s happening. Perhaps I can help if you let me.” Kelley sat in her usual chair, her hands holding a fresh cup of tea. She took a sip. “You know I’ll sit with you as long as it takes but...there’s a strange vibration in you that I’ve never seen before.”
“I can’t fuck, Kelley.”
Her therapist’s eyes widened. “That’s...different.”
“I’ve had seven failed attempts in the six weeks since I got back from Texas. Seven, Kelley. I want to vomit the moment I touch a man skin to skin.”
Tilting her head, the woman asked carefully, “Darling...you haven’t told me what happened in Texas. Could it be trauma? Facing one of your greatest regrets?”
“No.” Nina twisted her fingers together, staring at them. “No, it isn’t that. Rowan was wonderful. It-it was unusual at first but that part was so much easier than I imagined.” She smiled at her lap. “I should have known Rowan would have gotten classier with age.”
“Perhaps seeing Gage after all these years? He and Isaiah were the lovers you had the longest.”
Shaking her head, Nina took a deep breath. “Gage is like all the others - in a little box. I liked him more than most but he was nothing different, nothing special. Not to me. He was always meant for Rowan. They loved each other and I-I inserted myself in the middle.”
