Page 8 of Paging Dr. Douche


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In a buildingfull of medical professionals, how is it possible that I'm the only one who knows what I'm doing?

I huff out an agitated sigh as I sign out of the patient chart, leaving the nurse there to go over the medication regimen that I set up.

I walk out of that room only to be approached by one of my nursing staff.

"Dr. Dracos, the patient in room four has been waiting for over an hour." Nurse Lee says, and I have to stop to address her, even though I have another patient that I'm supposed to be taking care of right now.

"Nurse Lee, I don't mean to bring the obvious to your attention, but we're incredibly short-staffed today. I'm one person. I'll get to her when I get to her." I say sharply before I turn, leaving her there silent.

I make my way to the next patient, who's come in complaining of a sore throat lasting more than three days. I do a few deep breathing exercises before I walk in, just so I don't seem too abrupt to the patient. It's not her fault the doctors I've hired to work here are idiots.

Grand River Community hospital is more of an acute care facility. We have two floors. The bottom for the emergency and scheduled visits, while the top has twelve inpatient beds and some imaging machinery.

In a town as small as Grand River, that's usually enough. Except for today, when it seems like everyone and their mother is coming out for the slightest ailment. Sore throats, rashes, oozing pimples.

To make matters even worse, two of the four doctors on staff have called out sick. We're absolutely swamped here today.

Thankfully, this patient gets straight to the problem, and it doesn't take me very long to go over her case. Turns out, she started a new regiment of gargling with apple cider vinegar. We quickly figure out that this is the reason for her discomfort. I can accept the fact that she just didn't realize the acidic nature of the vinegar would strip the mucous coating of her throat, hopefully she stops or at least she won't come back here with the same problem.

I hear my name blare over the loudspeaker for the third time today, letting me know that Dr. Mason is requesting a consult.

I open and close my hands while I'm still seated, trying to get in the last of my notes. Dr. Mason has been a physician ten years longer than I have, yet it feels like every other day he's calling me in for a consult.

At first, I thought it was just a lack of updated knowledge, then it became evident that he was only doing it to brown nose as if sharing his cases with me would somehow build up some sort of camaraderie between us. Today, though, today it's annoying as fuck.

I poke my head out the door and see Nurse Lee hurrying back from a patient ready to call in another one.

"Nurse." I call out for her, and she turns in my direction.

She stiffens when she sees it's me calling for her. I don't have the best rapport with the nurses here, but at least I can count on most of them to do their job which is care for the patients.

"Yes, Dr. Dracos?"

"I need you to finish up in here with this patient, so I can go check on the consult. Everything is done, just need to help her with the lidocaine lozenges." I tell her.

"Okay. Orders in?" She asks and I nod. I say my farewell to the patient and rather brusquely walk out to go find out what Dr. Mason could possibly want.

When I walk back out to the main hallway three patients try to get my attention, probably to complain about how long they've been waiting, but I can't stop. Nurse Thomas sees me walking fast and rushes to catch up with me.

"Dr. Dracos, I've been looking for you. I wanted to let you know that the new temp nurse, Ms. Nyla Thimble, will be in this afternoon." She smiles like she's done me a great service.

"This afternoon? Why would you set up her start time for the afternoon? You out of everyone knows that our busiest time is in the morning. Now is when we need her help. Look at this patient board." I gesture to the board and see at least fifteen more patients who need to get seen before we break for lunch. "We need her..." My voice gets stuck in my throat, while I scan over the patient board again. Under Dr. Blondell is the one name I don't want to see. Cynthia Boone, otherwise known as my ex wife.

"Who is supposed to be taking care of Ms. Boone?" I ask Ardi and she has to shake off her displeasure with me to answer. This is one of the reasons why she's been here so long. She knows the patients come first, and for the most part, she seems to be able to put up with me.

"Dr. Blondell, but he's been in with his last patient a while now."

"Did she specifically request that he handle her case?"

"No, but I didn't think you'd want her on your panel." Ardi says and I nod. "You're not wrong about that. Well, let me get her out of here. Give me her chart." I put my hand out and Nurse Thomas rushes over to the nurse's station to pick up her chart along with the dry-erase marker that she'll need to transfer her name from Dr. Blondell to me. I internally steel myself for the bullshit that I'm about to face, but I've never been the type of person to run away from confrontation.

I knock on the door once, and she tells me to come in. She doesn't know it's me because she so focused on the phone in her hand. Typical.

"So lay it on me doc, what are the results?" She asks, and I'm surprised to find out that she's been here for some sort of testing.

"I'll need to check your record."

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