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Ailsa had to look away from him. She had scant hopes of ever seeing Robert again but now he really was gone and she was totally alone. And this man looking at her with cold anger, this hardened killer was not the man to whom she had given her heart. He was casually telling her of slaughtering his enemies on her lands, of banishing the last member of her family. It was as if Duncan had died on the road and a stranger had risen in his place. The shouting of men in the yard seemed to fall away from her as a terrible realisation dawned on her.
‘You told me nothing of this. After what passed between us before you left you told me nothing, that you were going to Cailleach, that you were going to fight. You lied to me.’
Guilt spread across Duncan’s face but he held her gaze.
‘Why you didn’t tell me, Duncan?’
‘I could not tell you of my plans as secrecy was the key to their success. Only my uncle and most trusted confidantes were forewarned of what was to unfold at Cailleach and it worked. We’ve rid ourselves of the scourge of the Sinclairs, who are now so weakened I no longer have to look over my shoulder in case they are about to plunge a dagger into me. I also sought to spare you Ailsa for I flattered myself that you may have worried about me or shed a tear at my being cut down in battle.’ There was an edge to his voice, a cutting sarcasm.
‘Of course, I would worry for you.’ Ailsa’s head was awash with confusion and questions but anger was also stirring. ‘Before you left I gave myself to you utterly. We shared each other’s secrets. You told me of your hopes and feelings and you told me you loved me, did you not mean it?’
‘Yes,’ he snarled, ‘I meant it. I do love you, in spite of my better judgement I do damn it.’
‘How can I believe you love me when after all that passed between us you still didn’t trust me enough to tell me about this?’
‘I was right not to trust you. How could I when you met with Hamish McDougall the instant I took leave of the castle, throwing yourself into his arms?’
He looked at her then in such a cold bitter way that Ailsa felt as she had once done on being thrown from a horse, the sudden stop, the abrupt contact with the ground, the breath being knocked out of her, the awful sudden pain of it. Unprepared for his anger and flustered by it she could not find the right words and stumbled over her explanation so that she sounded as though she was lying even though she told the absolute truth. And that was her undoing.
Duncan had been clinging on to a kernel of hope that if he confronted his wife with Hugh’s accusations he would get an outraged denial from her. But on her sweet face, he saw no surprise at his question, only shame and guilt. So there it was the answer he had dreaded. ‘You were seen kissing him,’ he said coldly. ‘Go on – deny it.’
‘Duncan I…I can’t deny it but it was not the way it looked. I can explain.’
‘Enlighten me.’
‘Hamish came to say goodbye. He is going away and we talked for a long time. When he was leaving he grabbed me and kissed me and…and I told him not to be so foolish.’
‘So you let him kiss you, how could you?’ he said and he whirled and walked away from her. He was monumentally angry and struggled to master his emotions and quell the urge to punch something. But she would run after him of course rather than let him be. She had hold of his arm now, turning him. He was forced to look at her traitorous face.
‘I did not let him, Duncan, please.’
‘I don’t believe you,’ he said in a voice of implacable anger.
‘You have to believe me for it is the truth.’
‘Here’s the truth Ailsa. I spent these last days fighting for my life. I left you here at Dunslair thinking I may be riding to my death. I did it to protect you, to protect what had grown between us and the minute my back is turned you are found in another man’s embrace.
He shook off her hold on him and backed away. He could hardly bear to look at her. He had been so certain his uncle’s accusations were false, he had been so certain of her. Now his mind seethed with the image of handsome Hamish McDougall with his hands and his mouth on her. ‘I remember you said to me once that you were sure Robert would return and then you would be rid of me. Maybe you knew all along about his plan to kill me and take back Cailleach.’
‘No of course not.’
‘I could have killed him you know. I should have. My sword was at his throat but I just couldn’t do it, in spite of all the trouble he has caused me I couldn’t do it. So I let him run…all because of you.’
‘Duncan…please.’
‘My uncle was right.’
‘Your uncle?’
‘Aye, Hugh told me I was a fool to trust a woman and he was right. To think I said those words to you. Now I know you will never give your love to me no matter what I do to earn it.’
He walked quickly past her and she was alone. Ailsa’s mind was in turmoil. A fresh battle, more death, more chaos. And her brother was gone for good and Duncan was so angry, loyalty was everything to him and now he thought she had betrayed him.
She couldn’t deny there was an element of truth in what he thought of her. She had intended to keep what had happened a secret, as she feared what Duncan would do in the face of Hamish’s stupidity. There would be no way he would ignore such an injury to her honour or his. She had felt guilty about doing so but it was better for everyone if he did not know. It had meant nothing, a mere piece of foolishness on Hamish’s part but now her husband had learnt the truth from someone else he could never believe her version of events. She looked like a liar whatever she said and Duncan had so easily seen her as guilty; that shocked her more than anything.
Their intimacy and trust, so recently nurtured, was too fragile to survive the poison of Dunslair and his old loyalties. It mattered not that she no longer wanted to betray him, could not do so because of how she was beginning to feel about him. In a world of enemies and strangers, he had become her support but the fact was he did not trust her. He would not whisper words of love to her again. He would not be made a fool of.
Ailsa made her way back to her chamber trying to calm herself. Her stomach was starting to churn in anguish. There was so much worry on her shoulders it was unbearable. Her breathing was frantic to her ears. She loosened her bodice as a wave of heat washed over her and the world darkened. Ailsa managed to grab a bowl and was violently sick over and over. Feverish and weak, she dragged herself into bed, curling into a ball amongst the furs and crying wretchedly.
