AllFreeNovel
Share Us
‘She will have all the care and devotion she deserves, you can be assured of that,’ he replied lightly, as Duncan took him into a firm embrace. When they broke from each other Murray turned away with a smile, but it melted away as his eyes met hers, to be replaced by a look so cold, it brought tears to them.
‘Don’t cry my dear.’ Ailsa mistook her tears for sadness at leaving and grabbed her, holding her close. Ilene longed to cling on to her mother but had to get away before emotion and fear overcame her and she blurted out the truth.
But what would Murray do, once they were alone?
Chapter Fifteen
They rode in silence for many miles. Murray placed his horse ahead of her as if he could not bear to see her following on. He’d been so cold to her since they set off, barely speaking, and when he did, it was to bark orders at her in a pitiless voice. It was as if she were some repugnant insect he longed to crush under his boot but, through his revulsion, could not bring himself to step on. Ilene grew tired but dare not say anything. She had but a scant hold on her emotions and feared that if this big, angry man raged at her again she would collapse in a heap of fear and guilt.
Eventually, Murray slowed his horse, allowing her to catch up. For a while, the only sound was the sighing of the wind, as it swept through the thicket of birch trees surrounding them. When he turned to her with a hard look on his face, Ilene braced herself for what was to come.
‘You’re becoming a better liar,’ he said. ‘No one looking at you this morning would have suspected that your wedding night was anything but blissful.’
‘I did it to hide the truth about how I have wronged you. I did it to spare your honour,’ she said quietly.
‘Well it’s a bit late for you to talk of honour now, isn’t it? And no matter, for I have none to protect?
‘I did a terrible thing Murray and I am sorry, truly I am. I am not proud of it.’ He glared at her and though her heart thumped against her ribs Ilene tried to reason with him. ‘Are you proud of everything you have done Murray?’
‘No I am not, but I can honestly say that I have never wronged anyone as you have wronged me. It is the sheer deceit of it you see.’
He was right of course, what defence did she have for her actions? Whatever he said or did to her now, she deserved. His gaze, so contemptuous when once it had recently been so admiring, was unbearable. Ilene looked down at her fists, gripping so hard on the reins that the knuckles were white, as Murray continued spitting out his bitterness.
‘You’ve had easy life haven’t you, a carefree, spoilt existence. You’ve never troubled your pretty little head about the consequences of your actions.’
‘Please, have pity Murray and try not to judge me so harshly.’
‘I have every right’ he spat. ‘All your life you have been admired, haven’t you? By your parents and friends, by your clan and by all those many fawning suitors you, no doubt, have running after you. Well, I am not like them and I will judge you for I’ll not be your fool, soon you will realise that.’
‘Please Murray, try and calm your anger. You have land and wealth now and…’
‘Are you saying I should be grateful Ilene, rejoice in my good fortune?’
‘No I…what I mean is, I know I have wounded you but if you give me a chance, I will make amends and then maybe we can build a new life together.’
‘Build a life, with you? Surely you jest. There is no hope for that, since you broke trust with me, lied to me. You could have told me the truth about the bairn.’
‘How could I? You wouldn’t have married me if I’d told you the truth.’
‘Wouldn’t I, Ilene? At least then I would have had a choice. But you never gave me a choice, did you? You just used me.’
He let the words hang between them and then with infinite sadness he turned away from her and spurred his horse forward.
***
Dusk was hard on their heels by the time they reached a shabby farm, the only dwelling they had happened upon for miles. The wind was picking up with the smell of rain in the air.
‘We must stop for the night. This will have to do,’ said Murray.
‘Surely there is an inn hereabouts?’
‘You’ve lived your soft life far too long Ilene. This place is too remote for such comforts. There is barely enough goodness in the earth for a few farmers to scratch a living out of, and certainly few enough visitors to warrant an inn. We must seek shelter where we can find it. I will offer some coin for a night’s lodging, though it will be meagre, and you will have to forgo your feather beds and such like.’
With that Murray secured the horses and strode off as Ilene dismounted and stood looking out at thick grey clouds, rolling in over the moors. The wind bit into her as she leant her head against the warmth of her horse’s neck. She had never felt so hopeless or so tired in all of her life, and all at once terrible nausea made her double over.
The world started to spin, sweat broke out on her forehead as her eyes darkened and the ground came up to meet her. Just as she thought she would pass out, a strong hand took hold of her arm. Murray was beside her, gently pulling her hair off her face and out of the way as she retched up the food she had eaten that day. It took a while for her to stop, and, after she had wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, she could not look at him.
‘Are you finished?’ he said quietly.
