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‘You had no choice. If you hadn’t, you would be dead, and I would have been dishonoured.’ She bit her lip, and her voice shook.
‘I know, but it troubles me that I could do it.’
‘And so it should, if you have a conscience, and Conall you are not alone in being guilty. I have killed people too.’
He frowned and took a step back.
‘There were other prisoners put into the oubliette over the years. My father knew I was terrified to go down there to the depths of the castle, so it was a particular cruelty of his to make me take food to those locked in it, that is, if he fed them at all. Some, he just left to starve to death. I had to witness their suffering and it was a kind of torture to leave them there. My father said it was my hell, the same hell I had sent him into when I killed my mother.’
‘Aye, but your father is a madman. He has twisted your own mind against you. Surely you realise that. You didn’t kill anyone.’
‘It presses on me, Conall. I let them die.’
‘Because you were powerless to help them.’
‘That is what I tell myself too.’ She looked down at the ground. ‘It seems you and I have both done awful things to stay alive.’
Conall hadn’t quite known what to say to that, and Kenna turned and walked on ahead, but somehow he felt the burden on his mind ease a little, and he felt closer to her. For her sake, he hoped that if they ever made it out of this danger they were in, Kenna would not drag her guilt through life like an anchor weighing her down.
***
Hours later, pushing on in silence, they found themselves at another river, faster and deeper as it gathered momentum on its journey to the sea. Conall had gone down to its edge and was staring into it with a stricken look on his face.
‘We shouldn’t stop long, Conall. We should press on,’ said Kenna.
‘Aye, but we have a good head start on them, and I’ve not heard dogs at all. I think we can take a rest here for a few minutes.’ He came up to her. ‘What is in that pack you were so insistent on fetching?’
Kenna opened her bundle triumphantly. ‘See, I have been planning an escape for quite some time, so I kept this well hidden in my chamber in case I ever needed it. There are blankets, and I’ve got a dagger, not a good one, I fear, but it was the best I could do. I thought I’d better be able to defend myself. And best of all, I have coin, lots of it, stolen from my brothers when they were drunk. Little by little, I took it, for years, so they would not notice. There’s a bit of soap and a comb, and …,’ she searched in her pockets and pulled out two flattened bannocks and some hazelnuts. ‘Here, eat.’
Conall stuffed the food greedily into his mouth and wiped it with the back of his hand.
‘There’s something else. I wrapped everything in this bundle in leather but still, it’s got a bit damp. I got you a shirt and some breeches because I know yours are really disgusting and …’
Suddenly Conall grabbed hold of her face and planted a quick, hard kiss on her mouth. ‘You are a treasure, Kenna Moncur, a clever little treasure.’ He took the clothes and held them up with a beaming smile as Kenna gawped at him.
‘Right, all I need now is to get the reek of the dungeon off me.’ With that, he started to peel off his filthy shirt, revealing a broad, hairy chest.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m stripping off and having a wash.’ Now he was kicking off his boots.
‘Stop that.’
‘Why? I’m not going to put clean clothes onto a stinking, dirty body.’
‘But it’s not decent.’
Conall just smiled. ‘Have you never seen a naked man before, Kenna?’
‘No!’
‘Well, unless you want to see one now, you’d best turn around,’ he said, unbuttoning his breeches.
Kenna turned around quickly with a hot face. His filthy breeches landed at her feet. She could hear him plunging into the river as though it were a perfumed bath.
‘Christ Almighty, saints preserve us, that’s bloody cold,’ he shouted.
What the hell did he expect? It was still winter. Serve the fool right if he froze to death. Kenna tried to concentrate her mind as he splashed about behind her, hurling around curse words that warranted a lifetime of Hail Marys. Then she took a deep breath and turned her head slowly. He must be fully in by now.
