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‘But then why did they say such things? They spoke as though they knew something, knew that we….’
‘Fools all of them, just prodding the dog to see if it growls, and you may not have noticed, but I just fought todefendyour bloody honour.’
‘So I am to be grateful now.’
‘Yes, you are. I stood up for you and more besides. I got you out of marriage to that filthy old goat, didn’t I? I got you safely away from Sgathach Dun and your disgusting family, and this is how you repay me, by striking me?’
‘And am I disgusting to you too?
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
‘That night at the cottage, when there was just the two of us, I felt safe with you. It was the first time any man had ever made me feel safe, instead of frightened, ugly and worthless. I thought that it meant something and that you cared for me. Was I a fool to think that you had some affection for me, or were you just using me for your own amusement?’
‘No, that’s not how it was.’
‘I don’t believe you. It was alright when it was just you and me, but since coming here, you are a different person, you avoid me. I’ve barely seen you, and you’ve not touched me since. I was a fool to think it meant anything, that you could care for me, stupid Kenna, a penniless nobody from a villainous clan, skinny and small, not fine enough, or pretty enough, or important enough for Laird Campbell’s son.’
‘If that is what you think, then you are a bloody fool, and you have no idea who I am or what I think. You say it was fine when it was just the two of us, fine for you maybe but I was locked in a filthy cell for most of it, in fear for my life, humbled, shamed, beaten in front of you, sitting day after day in filth. Have you any idea how that feels, being humbled like that before people who hate you, having your weakness and your flesh laid bare for all to see. Thinking every day could be your last. They reduced me to a stinking, snivelling wretch, and you saw it all.’
‘And yet you are here. You survived when others did not.’
‘Because of you,’ he snarled.
‘Aye, because of me. Why say it with such bitterness?’
‘It shames me, Kenna. It shames me that a woman saved me. Every time I look at you, I think of that hole they put me in, and it all comes back to me.’
‘You saved me too, Conall.’
‘It’s not the same thing. A man must have some pride, or he is not a man.’
‘Pride will not make you happy, nor will it keep you safe. You think I had pride when they beat me, sold me to an old man, and told me every day that I was ugly, repulsive, a murderess and a fool. And here you are before me, bleating about the terrible hardship it is for you being a Laird’s son with his pride injured.’
‘They took me from my clan for no good reason and threw me in a stinking hole to watch me starve, and I want to kill them all for it.’
‘And what will you do to get your revenge, slaughter all my family, my father, my clansmen?’
‘Don’t you think they deserve it for what they did to me, for what they’ve done to you?’
‘You think I want that on my conscience, Conall? To have freed you just so you can go back and destroy my family. They may be evil, but they are still my family. Is it not enough that I will never see my home again?’
‘I thought you wanted to leave, that you would be happy at Dunslair.’
‘So did I. Back there, all I could think of was running as far away as I could. I didn’t care where we ended up, but now we are here at Dunslair it is….’
‘What?’
‘I don’t know who to be here, Conall. I don’t know what to say, how to act. I don’t know if you are my friend or if you want me far away where I can’t embarrass you. People here look down on me and I think you are ashamed of me.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Then why have you been avoiding me?’
‘Because I am ashamed, Kenna, alright.’
‘Of course, you are ashamed to be with a lowly Moncur.’
She whirled and mounted her horse, and before Conall could stop her, she pounded away from him down the meadow. Conall thought of following her, but what was the point? He couldn’t find the right words to explain, and she wasn’t in the mood to hear him anyway.
