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‘No.’
‘With Logan gone you are free.’
‘No.’
The word was emphatic, final, heart-breaking. ‘I’m broken, Laird. I cannot be whole again not even with you.’
‘For Christ’s sake stop called me Laird. My name is Rory.’ The words came out too harsh, in a rush and she stepped back from him. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry Monnine.’ It was so hard not to reach out and hold her. ‘What do you mean you can’t be whole again?’
‘I cannot endure physical love,’ she sobbed, her eyes wet and desperate. ‘I care for you, but I cannot bear the touch of a man and I would have to deny you.’
‘I would forsake that if only you would stay with me always. I swear I will never ask it of you. All I ask is that you live with me, let me protect you. We can have a happy life you and I, Monnine. You do care for me a little don’t you? If not tell me now and I won’t be angry, well, not for long. But I need the truth between us now.’
‘Don’t…stop…I like you…very much. I think I love you, even though I’ve never really known what love is.’
‘Then it would be good between us, the lying together, I swear, Monnine. I would not hurt you or rush you. I would never force you. We can wait until you are ready no matter how long that is.’
‘I know you think that. It would begin that way but then your needs would take over, your frustration and anger with me would poison everything and our union would become ugly and cruel.’
‘That is not the way it always is between a man and woman, Monnine. You were unlucky that is all. You are frightened of the act, I can see that, but if you never trust another man in your life then you will be frightened all your life, frightened of something that is joyful, one of God’s greatest gifts.’
‘I’m sorry, I cannot. You are a good man, a fine, honourable man but you should look elsewhere for love, Laird.’
If this woman couldn’t even bear to speak his name aloud how in the hell was he to convince her to take his name in marriage? How was he to woo her? And if he couldn’t make Monnine his, how in the hell was he supposed to keep her safe.’
***
Conall eventually found Kenna where the woods thinned out, standing in the middle of a field of rapeseed in full flower, surrounding by a sea of swaying gold. There she was, bright hair free, lifting in the breeze, as she wrestled a stick from the dog’s mouth and threw it for him to chase. She stood watching as it went and there was a faraway look in her face.
Looking at Kenna there, small and pretty and vulnerable, Conall felt something fierce overtake him, clutching at his heart so hard it almost hurt. This desire he had for her was so strong he felt he could, in that moment, devour her. It didn’t matter how many time he took Kenna into his bed he could never get close enough to her heart and her body, could never get enough of her. Conall was still a little nervous of what they had become to one another, his declaration of love too new to be comfortable. He would have to grow into this new man he had become, these feelings which seemed to have overtaken him.
‘Kenna,’ he shouted to the wind.
She turned and beamed in recognition, the dog forgotten, running towards him through the golden flowers, skirts gathered up around her knees, bodice slipping from one smooth creamy shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. When she reached him she fell into his open arms and hugged him tightly, leaning her cheek into his chest.
‘Come to provide me with an escort home, have you?’
‘I wanted to show you something and I thought you might lose your way.’
‘No, I’m braw and I have company.’
She turned to the dog who had plodded up, giving Conall the evil eye for ruining the game.
‘Kenna you’re golden. Look at the pollen all over you.’ Indeed she was dusted in yellow powder, streaking down her grey skirts.
‘Oh dear,’ she said, looking down.
‘We’ll have to get that off you at once,’ he smiled, going closer.
‘Don’t get it all over you as well.’ She pushed him off. ‘What is it you wanted to show me?’
‘A special place, beautiful, like you.’
He hoisted her up onto Erebus and they rode for some time with Conall telling her all the news from Cailleach. By the time the sun was high in the sky, they had reached a clearing filled with the sound of rushing water as a river fell over several little waterfalls, before sliding under a mossy stone bridge. Shafts of sunlight lit the water, a bright copper around the edges where leaves had drifted in, giving way to emerald green in its depths.
‘Glenfax Falls,’ Conall declared.
‘Oh it’s lovely, like a fine painting.’
