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Kenna sat down on the grass beside Monnine and put her arm around her. They really should get inside as the wind was worsening. ‘And your other husband? He was no better?’
‘He was much worse, so much worse. Cruel from the start, he was. He just wanted a broodmare. That is all men ever want. He was rough and nasty. I hated the smell of his sweat and his breath in my face and his fat fingers scratching at me as he tried to go inside me, too limp to do the deed. Of course, it was all my fault for not arousing him, for not being appealing to him. How I came to dread it.’
‘I’m sorry, Monnine. I am so sorry.’
‘I don’t want to be like this, you know. I want to be with Rory, I want to marry him, but I will only make him miserable. I cannot give him a child, and he knows it.’
‘If he doesn’t care, then why should you?’
‘A man gets bitter over such things, Kenna. In the end, he will resent me for it.’
‘I don’t believe that. Rory is better than that.’
‘Oh, maybe you are right, maybe I am not barren, but tell me, how can I give him a child when I cannot bear to lie with a man again?’
‘It would be different with him. I am sure of it.’
They were both quiet for a time, Kenna unsure what to say, for she knew how awful it would have been to have to lie with a man you didn’t want, to have had to share Donald Menzies’ bed.
The other woman turned to her with wide eyes. ‘Forgive me for being forward, but how is it with Conall? You love him, don’t you? I never had a man who loved me?’
‘Monnine, I do love Conall, and I know no different than lying with a man I love, so I cannot compare it to what you have endured, but what I can say is this. To me, it is a wondrous thing, giving your soul away to another. Part of your free will is taken away, but something wonderful takes its place. There is such pleasure in it. When Conall goes inside me, it takes my breath away, and I want it, so very much. Yes, it is lust, yes it is carnal, and it feels sinful sometimes, and yet Conall can be so tender and caring. He wants so much to please me. Other times he is rough and fierce, and sometimes, I want him to be so.’
‘How can you want him to be rough?’
‘It is exciting to be taken, to be possessed by a man, knowing he cares for you. It makes me feel beautiful, Conall wanting me, not used. He is wild and passionate, and so am I, and there are times when I just have to have him. Perhaps there is a little fear there for me also. Fear that he will tire of me, that my passion cannot match his, that I am giving my heart away for him to break it if he wants to. But I just don’t care. I love him and he has to be mine no matter what. That is what it is like for me to lie with a man I love. I think it can be like that for you too.’
Monnine looked at her and frowned.
‘Forgive me. I have spoken too bluntly.’
‘No, I am glad of your honesty. I am truly happy for you, Kenna.’
They hugged each other tightly but suddenly, Monnine pulled away and looked at her strangely. ‘Kenna, there is fear in you.’
'Tis nothing. A dark cloud passing overhead gave me a chill then for a moment.’
Monnine just stared at her with that penetrating look until Kenna felt compelled to unburden herself of her worries. ‘My family is cursed. Remember I told you about the pale lady who haunts Sgathach Dun, dragging us Moncurs to a violent end. Sometimes I feel that I don’t deserve this happiness, and it will be taken from me.’
‘But you are well away now, it cannot reach you here, and besides, has it ever occurred to you that the spirit below in the darkness might have been a good one, protecting you? I mean, you never came to any harm down there, did you? Maybe something was drawing you there, to a place everyone else feared, and if it had not, you would not have met Conall and escaped Sgathach Dun.’
‘But I was terrified when I went down there. I could feel something reaching for me.’
‘Spirits can be frightening, even the good ones. I will venture to say this, though it may offend you. I think it might have been the spirit of your mother. She would have loved you, I am sure. If she had survived childbed, that love might have been enough to keep her on this side, with the living, instead of passing over to the dead.’
‘I never thought of it like that. I suppose you could be right. Do you think my mother is at peace now?’
‘I am sure of it, and, Kenna, if you can escape your past and find happiness, perhaps I can too.’
‘So you will think on Rory’s proposal.’
‘I will. You go on inside now. I will sit here a while longer.’
The wind was rising, picking up Monnine’s coppery hair and making it fly about her face as if it had a life of its own.
‘Don’t stay too long, or you will get a soaking. And don’t wait too long to act. If you want Rory, take him before it is too late, and your fear suffocates you, as mine once did.’
Kenna hurried back to Dunslair, and by the time she rushed into the yard, the heavens had opened, and she was drenched. It was crowded with men and horses, strangers, a rough lot they were too, ragged but fierce-looking. Travellers seeking shelter most likely, but something about them made her uneasy. When she got inside the kitchen, hoping to dry herself by the fire, one of the servant girls rushed up to her.
