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Tyler smirked. “I can see you doing that. But what about money, Brady? Not many jobs out in the middle of nowhere.”
“I’ll find something,” I said, hoping I sounded more confident than I felt. All I knew was playing football. “Dad had a little money put aside, and I’ve got some savings from all the fucking time I’ve spent on the road. It’s not much, but you don’t need much if you’re living in the mountains. It’s at least enough to get me through until I decide for sure what I wanna do.”
“You know I’ve gotta say it, man.” Tyler cocked his head to the side, and I knew what was coming before the words left his mouth. “Coming back to the NFL is always an option. Try to coach or something.”
I shook my head. It was a discussion we’d had at least a dozen times before, and I had to give Tyler credit for trying one last time. But no. That ship had sailed. I was pretty sure that when I finally pulled out of that parking lot, I wouldn’t ever be back.
“Coach said the same thing when I was signing my paperwork. I just can’t imagine ever being happy with a job on the sidelines while you and the rest of the guys are out where the action is.” I shook my head. “No, if they wanna sideline me because of some bullshit ankle injury that’s only barely an issue, that’s their loss. I just… I need a fresh start somewhere else. I’m not gonna beg to be a desk jockey for the rest of my life.”
Even as I said the words, though, I wondered if I was making a big mistake by turning down a guaranteed income with job security and a pension—all the things I knew I was supposed to want. But those things had never mattered much to me.
I’d joined the NFL for one reason—to get the hell away from Castle Falls.
I’d been so idealistic as a teen, back when I’d signed with the Hawks. After so many years of feeling powerless over the events that had rocked my youth—first my mom’s death and then the deteriorating relationship with my father—I’d thought I’d at least be able to bring stability to my life. The team had seemed like a perfect fit for me back then.
Now, though, I didn’t have to run anymore. There was nothing left in Castle Falls to get away from. And as far as being on a team? I’d been there, done that, and it hadn’t seemed to help. The world seemed more fucked up than ever.
“Well, man,” Tyler opened his arms and pulled me into a half-hug, half-handshake. “As much as I hate to see you go, I hope you find something that makes you happy. Whatever that ends up being.”
“Thanks,” I said, my throat suspiciously tight. “Take care of yourself out there, okay?”
Tyler nodded.
Without another word, I got into my pickup and started the engine. With a small smile and an even smaller wave, I pulled out of the parking lot, leaving my friend, my apartment, and what had been my entire life behind, dwindling away in the rearview mirror.
I thought about Tyler’s words as I drove away. Ever since a few months after I’d graduated high school, being a football player had been the thing that had made me happy. Now it felt like all the doors that being in the league had once opened for me had been slammed shut in my face. Permanently. If there was anything else in life that might be a perfect fit for me, I had no idea what it might be.
I didn’t even know where I should start looking.
One thing was for certain, though. Despite where I was headed, whatever the next big thing in my life would be, I wasn’t going to find it back in Castle Falls.
Chapter Four - Joanne
Another week had started, and while I used to be one of those rare people who actually looked forward to Mondays, they just weren’t the same without Henry around. Not just because I had to workallof them now that we were short-handed when I’d had every other Monday off before, but because now…
Monday started out with breakfast for one.
Henry and I had had a routine, and I missed it. I couldn’t remember which one of us had started it. We’d nevercalledit a routine, but over the years, we’d both kept it up like clockwork. Whoever got to the shop first would swing into Castle Coffee and grab coffee and bagels for two.
With Henry gone, though, my order had shrunk by half.
Onecoffee…onebagel… I’d had six weeks to get used to it, but Iwasn’tused to it. Every damn Monday, when I walked across the parking lot between the two businesses, I felt like I was missing something.
And somethingwasmissing.
Henry.
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that my friend and boss was really gone forever. I didn’t know when I’d come to terms with that, and a part of me was scared of the day I did. Getting used to Henry being gone felt like it would mean I was okay with it or that I’d gotten over the loss.
The truth was, though, that I was still far from getting over it—even though I knew that, realistically, life had to go on.
Realistically, I shouldn’t feel guilty for only ordering breakfast for one.
Realistically, I knewallof those things… but if there was one thing I’d learned over the years, it was that my heart was far from realistic. Dealing with the loss of my mentor and friend was turning out to be no exception.
Henry wouldn’t have wanted me to mope, of course—and in fact, would probably have had some not-so-sensitive things to say on the subject—but even though it went against everything in my nature to let myself feel down for more than a few minutes at a time, this was different.
Losing Henry was bigger than anything I had ever dealt with before and was by far the hardest thing I’d ever had to accept.
