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“Are you sure Jax will still want to take me?” I take the phone from him and pocket it before standing up.
“Of course.” Hunter rises to his feet, too, and collects the box he took the iPad from.
“He seemed really upset.”
He nods, balancing the box in one hand so he can brush a wisp of his blond hair out of his face. “That had nothing to do with you. There’s just certain topics that set him off sometimes, but he’ll calm down in just a few minutes.”
“Oh.” I pause. “He doesn’t like talking about his dad then?”
Hunter shakes his head. “No one does. And the same goes for our own fathers.” He wavers. “Jax, Zay, and I worked really hard to get away from them. We saved up every ounce of money we made so we could get our own place. Unfortunately, while we remain in this town, we’ll always be under their control, like when they force us to look into you and your family. After we graduate, though, we’re out.”
“I get that. I mean, wanting to take off after you graduate. I fully plan on, too.” That is, if I can figure out a way to save up money. “Why don’t you guys just leave now? I mean, you live on your own, so I’m assuming you’re all either eighteen or have been emancipated.”
“We’re all eighteen. And while we’d like to leave, we made a vow to stick around until graduation, mostly to keep an eye on Low for as long as we can.” He pauses, severe reluctance weighing in his expression. “And there are a few things tied to this town that not all of us are ready to say goodbye to.” Again, his face turns solemn as he glances at the photo of the tree.
I find myself wanting to know what happened. Who did they lose that they used to spend time with at that tree? I won’t ask. Not with how haunted Hunter’s eyes look. So, I try to let it go as we leave the living room and walk out of the house. But even when we step outside into the chilly wind and clouds, surrounded by a neighborhood of picture-perfect houses, I can’t stop thinking about that tree.
Like it’s branded into my mind.
9
Jax
The first timeI saw Raven, this weird feeling of déjà vu overcame me. Her eyes … that defiant look in them when she told Zay off … I swear I’d seen it before. But it was the color of her hair that amplified the feeling—black with tints of blue and silver, like ravens feathers. I’d only seen that shade of hair one other time.
Willow, the girl who used to be one of my best friends. The girl who saved me. The girl I let die that day on that bridge. I try not to think about her as much as I can, but with the nightmare I had last night and now this … I’m freaking out, my skin crawling, and I can’t hold still. So, I pace my bedroom, over and over again, hoping to get some of these feelings out of me.
Anxiety.
Pain.
Guilt.
It’s swimming inside my veins, consuming me, and I don’t know how to get it out. I know how Iwantto get it out, but I promised Zay and Hunter that I wouldn’t do that shit anymore after that night I cut a little too deep, so deep it left scars on my wrist. Still, as I glance over at my dresser, I almost give in. All I’d have to do is open that top drawer, sneak out the razor that I keep in there, and make a small cut just underneath my sleeve.
I start to walk over there, not giving a shit if I mess everything up, when Zay walks into my room. He doesn’t knock, which annoys me.
“What? We don’t knock anymore?” I snap at him as I wrap my arms around myself, feeling jittery.
I felt this way during first period today, too, and couldn’t sit still. I’m not even positive what was bothering me then. Or maybe I do, and I just don’t want to admit it to myself.
“If I’d knocked, it would’ve given you time to hide shit.” Zay steps into my room and shuts the door behind him. Then he turns to me, arms crossed, observing me as I pace the room. “You know she’s not her, right? This isn’t the same as Willow.”
“Don’t say her fucking name,” I snap, pacing and biting my thumbnail. The ring scrapes across my teeth, a reminder of part of the reason I’m in here, freaking the hell out. “She told me not to bite my fingernails,” I mumble, lowering my thumb from my mouth. “Raven, I mean.”
“She’s right; you shouldn’t. It’s fucking disgusting.” Zay leans against the dresser. “However, I don’t know why you’re bringing this up right now.”
I hug my arms tighter around myself then tuck my hands under my armpits. “Willow used to say that to me all the time,” I divulge in a shaky tone.
Zay didn’t expect me to say that and struggles to keep a neutral expression. This rarely happens, so I must’ve shocked him good.
“Okay, well, it’s not that strange of a thing to say,” he manages to get out in a cautious tone. “But I think we both know that’s not the only thing that has you looking like you’re about to go off the deep end.” He gives a short pause. “You’re getting attached too fast, Jax. You should know better than that. You should know that there’s a chance our fathers are going to want to meet her. You should’ve known that the moment we found out it was her and her family that they want us to look into.”
I start chewing on my thumbnail again—I can’t seem to stop. “I did—do—know that. That doesn’t mean I want her to. And … if there’s a way around it, I want to figure it out.”
Zay pinches the brim of his nose in frustration. “Now you’re just giving me a headache,” he mumbles under his breath. Then, with an exhale, he lowers his fingers from the brim of his nose and looks at me. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I’m going to say it anyway.” He steps closer to me. “You’re getting too attached to this girl that—and I stress—we knownothingabout. She’s off the grid, which means she could be anyone.” He lowers his voice to a mumble. “For all we know, she could be a spy.”
I shake my head. “She’s not a spy, and you know that, or you wouldn’t have brought her into our group.”
