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"Oh? Why not? You said it sounded amazing."
"Yeah, but..."
"But what?" Rosalie said. "I want to know what happened."
"So" I groaned, "the job was advertised as marketing for a top 100 company. And I was like, 'Oh my gosh, this is amazing.' And it said you don't need prior experience in marketing, just a love of all things sales. And so I go to the interview." I start brushing my hair then.
Rosalie nods and grabs the blow dryer. "Do you mind if I dry it while you talk?"
"I don't mind," I said, shaking my head.
"Okay, I'm going to start applying my makeup," Molly said, "but please continue."
"Okay." I continued to brush my hair. "I will flat iron while I talk." I plugged in the flat iron and turned it on. "So anyway, I'm really excited. I'm thinking that maybe I can get into marketing. Maybe I can get into advertising. Maybe I'll do so good in advertising that they'll ask me to be in the commercials, and then I'll segue from commercials to TV shows to movies, and then I’ll be an A-list star and, well, you know.”
“That’s quite a leap,” Molly said, and we all started laughing.
“So what happened?” Rosalie said as she brushed her hair and dried it.
“So," I said as I sprayed my hair and then applied the hot iron, "I go to the interview, and it was in this really nice building near Wall Street. So I walk in and the guy's like, 'Hi. Are you Alice Pascal?' And I was like, 'Yes.' And he was like, 'I see you have a degree in English literature,' and I was like, 'Yeah.' And he's like, 'Awesome.' And I said, 'I can write ad copy. I can do social media. I can do all these things.' And he said to me, 'Do you like hot dogs?'" Both of them stopped what they were doing and looked at me.
"Oh God, no." Molly's jaw dropped. "Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means."
"You tell me what you think it means," I said with a small smile, "and then I'll tell you."
"Did he tell you to suck on his hot dog?"
"No." I started laughing. "Oh hell no, he didn't."
"Phew," Rosalie said with a smile. "I was about to say, 'Well, who was this man? Because I'm going to have to go and cut his hot dog off.'"
I started giggling then. "No, it was nothing like that. Anyway, he said, 'Do you like hot dogs?' And I was like, 'Sure. Who doesn't like hot dogs?' And he was like, 'Do you remember the Oscar Mayer wiener dog?" or something like that. I can't remember exactly what he said. And I was like, 'Oh I think so.' And he was like, 'Do you know the theme tune?' And I was like, 'Not really. But maybe if I watch a YouTube video, I could learn it.' And he was like, 'Awesome, awesome.' So I said, 'Is that one of our clients?' And he says, 'Yeah, kind of.' And so I was like, 'Sweet. I'm going to be working on the Oscar Mayer TV campaign, radio campaign, what?' And he pauses, and he shakes his head, and he says, 'So I've been looking at your résumé, and I see you have a lot of drama club history.' And so I was getting really excited, girls. I thought he was going to offer me the leading role in the next Oscar Mayer hot dog commercial."
"I'm taking it that he wasn't?" Molly said.
"Nope, he was not."
"So what was it?" Rosalie asked. "Oh my God, don't tell me he wanted you to be in some porno."
"What?" I wrinkled my nose. "What are you talking about?"
"I don't know, some hot dog porno and..." She giggled. "I don't know. I know that doesn't make sense, but what does your drama club history have to do with anything, if not acting?"
"Well, he offers me the job, and he says, 'You'll be starting at fifteen dollars an hour.' And I was thinking to myself, 'That's not really much, but it's an entry-level position. I'll move up from there.' And he says, 'One of the huge perks of the job is you get to eat as many hot dogs as you want.' And before you say anything, no, he wasn't referring to male phallic hot dogs."
"Okay. You knew I was about to ask," Molly said with a giggle.
"I did. So anyway, he's like, 'I'd like to show you your uniform.'"
Rosalie stared at me. "What uniform? I didn't know you had to wear a uniform as an ad executive."
"I didn't know ad executives made fifteen dollars an hour," Molly added. "I mean, I know it's entry level, but fifteen dollars an hour is nothing. In my hometown, people who start at McDonald's make seventeen dollars an hour."
"Well, guys, it gets better, or worse, I should say. He leads me to this back office, and no, nothing sexually related. He points at a hot dog costume."
"Oh shit." Molly starts giggling, and Rosalie starts laughing.
"It's not funny, guys. He points at the hot dog costume, and he said, 'You could walk around Times Square in this hot dog costume and hand out flyers.' That was the job. I was going to be the Oscar Mayer wiener literally and hand out flyers to tourists telling them where they could get their local hot dogs."
