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We are not saying goodbye.
"Will you stay awake with me?" My voice trembles something awful.
"I'll stay awakeallnight, little one," he promises, cradling me against him as he stands and strides into our ensuite.
We are not saying goodbye.
A whine.
Something wet slides across my cheek. I'm snatched from peaceful oblivion back to the waking world by a strange sound and that sensation. The sun glows behind my eyelids. Something touches my leg and I smile, curling to my side to cuddle- I shoot up. My eyes fly open. Startled by the sight before me, I nearly fall off the bed. Big brown eyes watch me. A wet black nose meets my hand, nudging softly. She is abigpuppy. Brown and black, probably a German Shepherd. She is on her belly, her tail swiping across the sheets with excitement.
"Hi. Who do you belong to?" I ask, ruffling her fluffy brown mane.
Smiling softly at her, I am suddenly hit with panic. What time is it? I fell asleep.
I fell asleep!
I dive from the bed, grabbing my robe and wrapping it around my body. I stumble through the bedroom door. My heart thrashes around inside me, its frantic thundering hurling me into a frenzy. No. No. No.
The puppy rushes after me, tumbling its chubby body into my heels. I take the staircase down, each step huge, one after the other, a never-ending decline. At the bottom of the stairs, I dart my gaze around, looking for a sign I am not alone. Anything at all.
He's just getting a drink.
What time is it? I hear a car engine and my head snaps towards the front door. I race over to it, opening it wide, before coming to a dead stop on the porch.
The Butcher boys are climbing into a black car, all in dark suits as if they are going to a funeral. Max freezes when he sees me, his eyes piercing through mine. He stands with one foot in the passenger door, his tempestuous grey-blue eyes glistening in the gathering dawn.
I watch his throat roll. "She's yours."
Tears burst from the corners of my eyes, the heat and power of them burning my irises. I want to sink to my knees and cry hysterically. Scream at the pavement.
I don't though.
Instead, I lean down and scoop my puppy -Clara- into my arms. Her tongue whips out to catch my tears as they flood down my face.
Are you scared, Max?
Don't lose your gentleness in there.
I shake my head through sobs of despair. "Weren't you ever going to tell me that you love me, Max?"
He smiles softly. "If I don't, will you still know?"
I laugh through a splutter of tears, nodding my head frantically. "Yes."
"Good." He climbs into the car and I take a step closer, my body trembling with the need to race after him, to beg him to run away with me, to flee with me to Bali or New Zealand or anywhere. The place doesn't matter. Just leave the District. Change our names. Have babies and puppies and placemats and-
He shuts the passenger door.
My feet suddenly feel like lead.
The car rolls slowly down the driveway.
I can feel that my heart is still beating. But I'm stunned. Stunned it hasn't just decided to wilt and die.
I don't know who you'll be next time I see you, Max. . .
On shaky legs, I make my way back to our room. I softly close the door, locking myself away from everyone and everything. I stare across the empty space in a horrendously painful state of being. Lost. A chill moves down my spine, so I hold Clara tighter. My pooling gaze lands on his bedside table, on a pile of paper folded down the middle.
