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He uses his big hands to caress soap from my fingers over his collarbone down the length of my arm. "No one quite understands, sweet girl, that just like you believed in the moon, I believed in theCosa Nostra.It is—was—my entire life.
“It was what I was born to do. Me. The heir. I had pride in that. I accepted long ago that this was my future… Just this. I wanted it. Was seduced by it. And when you don’t have a choice, your decisions become remarkably clear. Life becomes black and white.”
He continues to wash me as he speaks. "When I was your age, I was just out of boarding school, and for the first time in my entire adolescence, I was staying in the family home. As part of my initiation, I was ordered to kill a girl. Jimmy and your father told me it was an honour of mine to finish this job for my family. They were proud when I accepted. I had presumed, as I always did, that byfamily, they meant my father and my brothers and theCosa Nostra.”
His brows draw in. "Shewas the daughter of a man who knew too much. So,sheknew too much. That is all they told me, and that was enough for me then. I didn't question it. I accepted their words and orders. Your father went with me that day. She was young. Nine or so. And I put a pillow over her head, and I held it down." He pauses, and my throat tightens. "And I killed her. For them. That is the man I am.”
Tears stream down my cheeks, meeting the water from the showerhead as they slide together down my trembling lips.
He presses his hand over mine, applying pressure to the scar, holding it, protecting it, as if we can heal it together.
His eyes level on me with an intensity and honesty I have never seen in him before. Not like this. "She fought back, little deer." He almost smiles. "She sliced me with some kind of ornament she had hidden under her pillow. And left me with this scar to remember her by… I should have asked questions. I should have spoken up. I never did.”
An ache moves through my chest for him… not her.What kind of person does that make me?
It’s the truth in his blue eyes, the gravelly aftershock to his timbre, that hurts my heart. A heart only whole and healed, trusting and strong, because he loves it. I can’t see this man asbadwhen he is my number one good thing. So, I accept, he’s the villain in that girl’s story, but he’ll never be the villain in mine. "You were following orders. You—"
"You cannot make excuses for this, little deer," he grounds, wanting my disdain, my shock and horror. "I was exactly your age when I blindly followed that order. I was not a child. Why do you think I told you this? Why now?”
“I don’t know.”
“You defied me tonight.”
"I didn’t want—"
"You left," he cuts me off. "You made your own decisions. You knew what the plan was. You heard what I said. Heard my orders. And you put yourself in danger. Why?"
"Because of Xander."
"Yes. But I told everyone that I was taking care of it. Try again," he challenges. "Say the words."
I breathe out hard, pushing the truth through my lips. "I thought you were making a mistake, Sir."
"Good girl," he praises. "You did." He nods slowly as his face tightens in regret. "But, little deer, you also decided that I wasn't reasonable enough to listen to your concerns. You didn’t even try to convince me. You just left me. Tell me the truth now."
My lips won't stop vibrating as I admit, "Yes.I didn't think you would listen to me. I thought you'd lock me away."
A deep sigh leaves him, and he curses before saying, "Christ.I’ve failed you."
I shake my head. "No. It's not—"
"Yes." He cups my cheeks and presses his lips to mine, talking against the water and tears glazing them. "You didn’t come to me." His voice sounds strange. Strained. As though he is fighting a battle in his throat. "I don’t want you to feel as though you must take orders from me blindly.Dammit, Fawn. Question me." He kisses me and presses his forehead to mine, rolling it hard as he says, "Use your voice, sweet girl. And I will listen to your concerns. I will listen to you, Fawn. Every damn word that comes out of your pretty mouth, I will listen, but I swear to God, if you ever leave me like that again without at least giving me a goddamn chance to—"
"I won't." I grip the back of his neck, his shoulders are large ridges coiled with taut muscles, and I pull his mouth to mine again. Our kiss is tight, a wince of emotion thinning both of our mouths. "I'm sorry," I say against his lips. "I'm sososorry."
"Swear it to me, sweet girl."
"I will never leave you again."
One of his hands slides back and fists my hair, using his grip to curve my neck so he can drag his lips down the column. I swallow over a lump of nerves, and he ardently licks along the rolling of my throat.
As his fingers twist in my blonde strands, my hair bites at the scalp. I whimper, feeling his darkness fill the room.
His breathing gets heavy and fierce, and his teeth now scrape along my skin. "I will kill the next person who tries to take you from me." He spreads my thighs and tugs me to the edge of the ledge, swiping two fingers through my slit before forcing me to take his cock in one brutal movement.
A yelp falls from me.
Impaled beautifully in a gasp.
