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Elsa takes a deep breath before looking me in the eye.
“We can’t,” she states in a somber voice. “We’ll have to downgrade our living situation, but it’s fine, honey. Remember when you were little, and we shared a one-bedroom? It was okay, right? It was the two of us against the world, with you sleeping on the pull-out couch. We were as comfy as two bugs snug in a rug.”
I nod as tears prick my eyes because obviously, “snug” is a euphemism. It’s more that my mom and I were crammed like sardines into rickety living spaces with water stains on the ceiling and lead paint all over the walls. But I take a deep breath, trying to stay calm.
“We can definitely downgrade, but Mom, there’s going to be three of us soon. How will we manage when the baby comes?”
It’s then that Elsa takes a deep breath. There’s a conflicted look on her face, and her hand trembles as she seizes mine.
“I’m not sure, and I’m not even certain I should bring this up with you, but you agree that we’re in dire circumstances, right?”
I nod as tears spring to my eyes.
“I don’t want to go back to my childhood, Mom,” I say in a soft voice. “We lived in shoeboxes back then, Elsa, and I’d like to raise my baby in nicer surroundings.”
My mother nods.
“Well actually, thereisanother way,” she begins in a tentative voice. “Mr. Richards has offered us a new deal. Kind of an alternative deal, but it’s contingent on your acceptance.”
My shoulders droop because obviously this isn’t going to be good. But I force myself to nod because we have no options at the moment, and beggars can’t be choosers.
“What is it?”
Elsa takes a deep breath.
“Well, Mr. Richards offered to let us stay if you let him have free use of your body, honey. Instead of sleeping with me, he wants to sleep withyou.”
I’m silent for a few moments as I stare at my mom with shock.
“Excuse me?” I sputter. “Are you joking? Is this some kind of sick prank?”
I’m literally trying to figure out whether I heard my mom correctly or not, and half-expecting her to wink and say it was just a joke. But nothing like that happens. Instead, Elsa nods slowly.
“Yes. Mr. Richards has made us a contingent offer,” she says in a slow tone. “Contingent upon your acceptance, of course.”
“What…?” I whisper-yell, my eyes wide. “But I’m pregnant! Does he know that? How does he even know me, to begin with? We’ve never met.”
Elsa shrugs helplessly.
“I told him before you arrived that you were moving in. And maybe he’s seen you around,” she offers.
I stare.
“But we’ve never spoken face to face!”
My mom nods.
“Well, I’m not sure then,” she hedges. “My guess is that he’s seen you gardening from the big house? You know you’re outside almost every afternoon.”
I go limp on the bed because my sixth sense today was accurate. There was someone watching me, and it was Mr. Richards all along. Plus, somehow I know that it wasn’t the first time he’s watched me from the window. He’s done it many times in the past, and I’m wondering if he’s some type of sick creep now.
But what choice do I have? My cheeks flame and I raise my hands to cup them.
“So does he know I’m pregnant?” I ask again in a trembling voice. Elsa nods.
“Yes, he knows and he’s fine with it,” she says quietly before reaching to grab my hand. “I understand if you want to say no,” she says. “This is all a huge shock, and even I can’t believe that it’s come to this. You don’t have to say yes,” she states in a firm voice. “Again, we’ll find another place soon enough. We could even stay in a shelter for a while, just until we can get ourselves something new. You know that the shelters in New Jersey aren’t so bad, and I heard they opened a new one up in Paterson.”
I’m far too stunned to speak because this is such a crazy situation. My mom had been paying Mr. Richards with sex in exchange for lodging, and now she wants me to take her place? What a sick idea. Vomit rises up on the back of my throat.
