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Kratos’s stern glare softens, and he smiles at her. It’s barely more than a quirk of his lips, but there's no other word to describe it.
The shocked gasp from Zander lets me know I’m not just imagining it. We’ve known Kratos for a few years now, and as I sit here and rack my brain, I can’t remember a time when he hasn’t looked ready to kill someone.
Even outside of work, I have never seen him relax out of his ready-to-kill, second-in-command role, let alone smile. Before this moment, I would have bet money he didn’t even know how to.
He turns away from her to face us once again.
“She can stay.” That’s all he says, but the victorious smile on Jade’s face is hard to miss as she turns towards the table and pulls the paper right out of Spencer's hand. He stares at her with a shocked expression.
Of all the ways this meeting could have gone, this is not what I expected. Shit, none of us could have anticipated Jade, and once again, I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.
Isat at that table for as long as I could before I finally gave in to the urge to go and drop in on the guys and their little meeting.
I’ll have to explain the value of being discreet later because if they believe, even for a moment, that anyone in this room couldn’t hear them, they are dead wrong. I just so happened to be the only one who cared to listen, so at least there's that.
I look over the paper that I snatched from Spencer. Just like I thought when I glanced over his shoulder, it’s a list of all the girls I’ve taken care of over the years.
“The reason all the contracts have an expiration date is by my own request but also because I’m more valuable to my owner if I can be leased out instead of just bought once.” I look up from the paper to ensure they're all listening, and I’m met with angry looks all around me. Even Kratos looks more murderous than he did a few minutes ago, if that’s possible.
I focus on the paper in my hand, giving me something to focus on that isn’t them, something that can’t possibly judge me. “When I was younger, one of the girls I was with was like an older sister to me. The closest thing I have ever had to a parent that I can remember. Our owner ran a strip club, but it was just a front. All his workers were always strung out. He paid them with drugs to keep it that way.” I take a deep breath. Reminding myself this was a long time ago, making sure to keep to just the facts to avoid letting my emotions show.
Nobody rushes me, and I keep my eyes on the list in my hand, too much of a coward to look at any of them.
“The regulars knew that you could ask for premium entrance and get your choice of the girls in the basement. They didn’t even try to be discreet.” I shake my head at the pure stupidity of it. “This was my second owner. My first wasn’t so much for selling out girls as he was enjoying the company of young girls. I made it out of there without ever having to do more than service him before I was too old for his liking.”
My grip on the paper gets tighter the longer I talk, but I can’t make myself relax. Watching the paper crumple is almost calming, almost but not entirely.
“I thought I was lucky, but god was I stupid. During my first week in the club, I knew it would be worse. Ashlynn took one look at me and, for some reason, decided I was her responsibility. I’m not sure why but I was grateful.” I close my eyes and see her looking at me with so much love in her eyes.
I can’t remember my mother, just scattered little things that could be real or could be my imagination. But when someone talks about parents, she’s what I picture. Her face is no longer clear, growing hazy as the years go by. But the shine of her amber eyes as they looked down at me is something I’ll never forget.
“For my first few months there, she was able to keep everyone away from me. When someone came in, she would make sure to flirt and be willing, keeping me hidden in the back, so I was hardly ever seen. Then, one day a man came in and specifically asked for a younger girl. Ashlynn was easily six years older than me, so she wasn’t even presented as a choice for him.” I close my eyes harder, pushing back the memories that threaten to swallow me. The guy's grungy appearance, with his big belly and dirty clothes that were just a tad too small, the scent of alcohol on his breath so strong that I could smell it even as he walked past me.
“When the other two younger girls and I lined up for him to choose, our owner let him know I was stillpure.” I spit the last word, unable to keep the pain from bleeding in with my rage.
I laugh, but there’s no humor to the sound. It sounds broken and unhinged even to my own ears.
“Pure. What a joke, virgin or not, nobody is pure after seeing what I had at such a young age, let alone what I had done.” I say almost to myself, but I know they can hear me. There may be other people in the room and other things going on, but I can’t imagine it would be enough to pull their attention from this story, not if they want answers.
“Anyways, he obviously picked me. I was terrified. I had no idea what was going on, not really. He took me to one of the back rooms and had me undress. I remember feeling like I was going to throw up the whole time, but I hadn’t even eaten in days, so I knew even if I did, nothing would come up.” I swear I can still feel the sharp hunger pains as the memory washes over me. His hand was on my arm as he pulled me down the hall to the room when I was too frightened to move. His big hand grabbed my chin to force me to look at him, while his nails dug into my cheek hard enough that I’m surprised it didn’t break the skin.
“He never got to put a hand on me. Ashlynn came in and attacked him; I was shocked. I stood naked in the room while she hit him a few times with some kind of pipe she must have found. But she wasn’t strong enough, and even with a few good hits, he overpowered her easily.” The guys are so quiet. I wouldn’t even know they were there if I didn’t still feel their eyes on me. Everything in me screams to shut my mouth, to stop before the pain seeps out, but if I stop now, I know I’ll never start again. So I keep going.
“He held her down on the bed and hit her over and over before he started to pull at her clothes. Eventually, he stopped hitting her and held her down by her throat. It wasn’t until she started frantically clawing at his hand that I realized he was cutting off her oxygen. He was going to kill and rape her right in front of me, and I couldn’t make myself move.”
It’s been years since I thought about Ashlynn and even longer still since I talked about her. Since I talked about the night that changed my outlook on life, God, I had forgotten the pain that comes with her memory.
I swallow past the lump in my throat and push myself to keep going. “I don’t know what happened but one second I was standing there watching, and the next he was dead. There was blood everywhere. It was all over me, but when I looked up, Ashlynn was there. She was alive. I was so relieved that I broke down.” I hold up my hand, the one not crumpling up the paper, and look at it front and back. I can still feel the warmth of his blood and see how his blood covered every finger.
“Ashlynn just kept telling me it would be okay, but I really didn’t care so long as she was alive. Finally, she pulled my shirt on me, and we ran from the room and cleaned up the best we could, but we didn’t make it far. His body was found, and before I knew it, Ashlynn was gone. She’d kissed me on the forehead that night when I laid down and told me, ‘Never stop staying alive little one.’ And when I woke up, she was gone. I never saw her again.” I blew out a shaky breath. I hadn’t realized just how labored my breathing had become. The memory of that night is so fresh in my mind that my body feels the need to take action, though there’s nothing to fight against here.
“I must have blacked out because the memories started to surface as the days went on. I had stabbed him to death. I found a pen on the table and stabbed him in the side of his face. When he fell back, I pounced on him. I don’t know how many times I stabbed him, but Ashlynn had to pull me off him well after he lay lifeless underneath me. There was blood on everything.” A shiver runs through my body at the memory, but not because I killed someone like you would think. No, the shiver is one of pure joy. I had saved someone I cared about, no matter what I had to do to accomplish that. I was proud of it.
“It wasn’t until later when I realized I was actually the one who killed him, that I understood what happened. She‘d protected me one last time. Ashlynn had taken the fall for me.” Someone reaches out and untangles my fingers from the paper, gently pulling it from my grasp.
My head snaps up, and I meet Zander’s eyes from where he sits at the table. My vision blurs around the edges, distorting him as I realize my eyes have filled with tears. I take a deep breath while he holds my gaze as I will my tears not to fall. If I start crying, I might never stop, and crying has never done me any favors.
Pressure on my shoulder has me turning to look behind me. Kratos’s hand rests on my shoulder, giving a slight squeeze as if to comfort me. His face is blank, but his eyes show concern.
