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“He might not be in our world anymore, but he knows it well enough from our past and his time on the force. He’s also close with Jake, which means if he keeps snooping around you, Trent will know, and even with our past, I feel better knowing someone else besides us is looking out for you.” He tells me. I want to argue that I don’t need protection, but the words get stuck in my throat. I’m so used to taking care of myself that help seems like a strange concept.
He looks over at me, and I give him a slight nod because it’s all I can seem to manage. It seems to be enough for him.
We drive in silence for a while, and I can tell his mind is a mess just by the look on his face, but I don’t know what to say to make it better. I’ve never been great with words or advice because the best advice I’ve ever been given was ‘never stop surviving.’ And while it got me through, it made my life a mess, just like his. And based on what I know about the guys, I would say they already live by that advice.
Before I can think better of it, I unbuckle and lean over the center council. I leave my hand on his leg and rest my head against his shoulder in my best attempt at a hug that I can give him while he drives.
The girls used to just need someone, even if I couldn’t do anything to change what life gave us. I could be there for them. There's no reason I can’t do the same for Zander.
His hand that rests on mine comes up to cup my cheek, and he lets out a steady breath for the first time in a few minutes. “Thanks, Doll, I don’t know what I ever did before you, but I don’t want to remember.” He says in a low voice, and while his words should freak me out, they bring me comfort instead.
I don’t do feelings. I never really have. Not only are they dangerous, but they’re messy and can cause so much pain. But I don’t feel like I got a choice with Zander. He caught me completely off guard.
This might not have been the plan, but I'm here now, and until I have to move on, I intend to stay here with Zander. Because no matter how short-lived it is, I want this. These feelings that I can’t explain even to myself might tear me apart later, but it would kill me if I gave them up now without reason. It's selfish and terrible, but it’s also too late.
I let my eyes slip closed as his thumb strokes over my cheek, and I drift off, completely at peace with him and myself.
Zander woke me up when we finally got back to the house, having decided I could use the rest the car ride offered. We didn’t have very long before we needed to be out the door and on the way to the restaurant to meet Charlotte and her foster parents.
I went to my room and, for once, skipped a shower and instead just freshened up. I decided that the jeans and tee shirt I wore to the school tour were good enough, then I headed back down to the kitchen to wait for Zander.
He was sitting on one of the stools when I got there, none of his earlier sadness on his face but all the same, I felt the need to comfort him better now that I could.
With his back to me, it was easy enough to slip into the room and get my arms around his waist without him even knowing. When my arms snake around him, he doesn’t even startle. Instead, his hand lands over mine where they rest lower on his stomach, my chest pressed against his back as I rest my head on his shoulder blades, much like the first time I hugged Roderick.
As if thinking about him called him to me, Roderick walks through the basement door into the kitchen just then. He looks over at us for a moment but doesn’t say anything, and I don’t move back, even as I feel myself stiffening slightly under his gaze. Zander must feel the difference in my stance because he lightly squeezes my hand before I relax again.
“Are we ready to go?” Roderick asks, and this time I do pull back.
“Couldn’t let me have a fucking moment, huh?” Zander throws back.
“You’ve had more than a moment, Zander.” Roderick says. He almost sounds upset, which confuses me because I have no idea what they are talking about, and Roderick hardly shows his emotions so freely.
Zander must pick up on it, too, because his whole mood shifts, “Oh, Ricky! You sound a little green big guy. Got something you want to share?”
Roderick’s eyes dart to me before they go back to Zander, his cold mask slips back into place, and this time when he speaks, it’s in his usual calm and collected tone.
“We're going to be late.” He says as he looks down at his watch. I look at the clock hanging over the fridge, and yeah, we are.
I throw Zander a look to let him know that this will be something we return to later, but he just shrugs at me, and I don’t know what the fuck that means. I also don’t have time to deal with that right now either.
Ugh.
“Okay, so are we going or not? I really don’t want to be late.” I ask Zander hoping to get him moving.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, demon. We're going.” Spencer says as he strolls into the kitchen.
“What, we’re all going?” I ask, turning from Zander to Roderick, purposely avoiding looking at Spencer.
Roderick nods, “Yes, Kratos suggested we all go since this is the first time you will be around anyone from the ring, and if someone was going to make a move to get you back in, this might be an opportune time for them.” He explains, and I hate that it’s a sound reason. But I also know that they all know I can defend myself just fine, so why send bodyguards?
“With Charlotte being someone important to you, it would be easy to get to you, and while you can defend yourself, Kratos doesn’t put it past you to give yourself up if it means keeping her safe.” Roderick explains further, and again it’s not a wrong assumption. “I can’t say that we disagree with that logic with what we know, so now it gets to be a group meal, which is fine because we know the Thompsons.” He looks at me like he’s daring me to deny it, but I don’t. It bugs me how easily they seem to be able to pick apart my line of thinking, but I let it go. This will also keep Charlotte better protected, and that thought alone helps me swallow my pride and simply nod back at him in understanding.
Roderick seems thrown off for a moment by my easy acceptance before he nods back at me and heads out the garage door without another word. Zander grabs my hand, and we follow him out with Spencer just a few steps behind us. The whole way to the car, I can feel his eyes on me, but I ignore him. I might not like the feeling of his eyes burning into my skull, but I know he’s not a threat. I also know that nothing pisses Spencer off more than my not reacting. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy getting under his skin the same way he tries so hard to get under mine.
Roderick gets in the driver's seat, and Zander hops in the back. I make the choice to walk around and get in on the other side instead of sliding in after him. He gives me a confused look but doesn’t say anything as I follow Spencer. I don’t say a word, but when I step up behind him, I see his shoulders stiffen, and yeah, I might be enjoying this a little too much.
He gets in the car quicker than usual, and I feel the smile pull at my lips before I also climb in. Zander takes one look at me, and I see the understanding on his face, even without explanation. He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his side as we drive off.
