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I offer her a small smile. “She’s asleep.” I tell her as I continue to rock her.
Mrs. Thompson puts her hand to her chest before her face breaks into a smile. “Oh dear, I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would have had Tim come and grab her from you. You didn’t have to hold her this whole time, sweetie.” She says before she calls her husband over.
“It’s not an issue. I used to do this for her all the time.” I explain as her husband walks over to stand beside her. She tells him she’s fallen asleep and asks him to take her to the car.
He smiles at me as well, and again I can’t help but be happy that these are the people Charlotte got placed with, she deserves so much love, and they seem to be more than prepared to give it to her. If her happy outlook on life wasn’t proof enough, I can see it in their eyes as they both stand before me, looking at her like she’s the reason the sun rises.
“Yes, Charlotte’s told us all about how amazing you are, Jade. Honestly, she can’t stop talking about you, and we couldn’t be happier that you were around to watch over her and let us bring her into our home. Thank you.” Mr. Thompson says to me as he reaches for his wife's hand, and she nods along with every word he says.
“Um, thank you,” I say, a bit thrown that they seem to think I’m someone worth praising but also confused. “But it wasn’t up to me if she went with you, and it was my responsibility to keep all the girls safe. So you don’t have to thank me for that.”
“The boys were right about her.” She tells her husband before addressing me again. “Sweetie, Charlotte would never have come to us if you hadn’t thought it was a good idea. Heck, she might not have made it out if not for you. Those girls were lucky to have you watching out for them. Our thank you will never be enough. Charlotte is an amazing little girl who brings joy to our life that we didn’t know we could ever have. You did that for her and us whether you see it or not.” She tells me in a stern but sweet voice as if it’s merely a fact of life that can’t be disputed.
I’d never really thought about it like that, and while I guess I can see what they mean, helping the girls wasn’t ever a choice I made. It was just what I did, but I could see that they won’t see it that way, so instead of arguing, I simply nod.
“Since we have you here, we were wondering if we could ask you a question real quick, you don’t have to answer now, but we figured it wouldn’t hurt to talk about it.” Mr. Thompson asks me after a moment. “We had intended to meet you alone about it later as we didn’t want to discuss it in front of Charlotte yet, but seeing as she’s asleep, I don’t see the harm in handling it now.”
Again I nod.
“We were wondering if you would be okay with us adopting Charlotte someday.” Mrs. Thompson asks me before quickly continuing. “We know there is a case, and they have to look into her background and try and find her family, but if nothing ever comes from that, we would be more than happy to have her be our daughter.”
I feel my mouth drop open slightly, but it’s as if I’ve lost control of myself. I can’t seem to get my mouth to function and form words. So instead, I just kind of stare at them, probably looking like a fish out of water.
They must mistake my shock as a bad thing because before I can get my shit together, Mrs. Thompson chimes in. “It was just a thought. We know it’s early, but we just wanted to have the idea out there. You don’t have to worry about it if it's too much right now. We can always wait and see what happens.” Her tone is still sweet, but I can hear the panic behind them as she rushes to try and soothe me.
My brain finally kicks back in, and I snap my mouth shut before shaking my head.
“No!” I say more forcefully than I intended, I realize it right away as I watch her face fall, and I cringe at my lack of communication skills.
I instantly want to hit myself, but with Charlotte in my arms, that’s not possible, so I take a breath to steady myself and try again.
“No, I didn’t mean no to the adoption. I’m sorry, I was just caught off guard.” I clarify, continuing before they can ask questions because I’m sure I’m not making much sense right now.
“I think you guys adopting her would be fantastic, actually. She’s a great kid, and after just a short time with her, I can see the difference you guys are making in her life. She deserves all the happiness, and I would love for her to have a family.” My voice cracks on the last bit as my own sadness about my life attempts to push its way forward. I swallow it down and give them both what I hope is a reassuring smile.
Their smiles grow with every word I say, and by the time I’m finished, Mrs. Thompson has tears in her eyes.
“Oh, sweetie, that's wonderful! Thank you so much. You have no idea how much that means to us, truly.” She says as she looks over to her husband, and they smile at each other for a moment. I take a moment to look down at Charlotte, who still rests in my arms, and just imagine what her life can be, all the things she can have.
I feel a tear run down my cheek, but I let it go, too happy at the moment to worry about it.
“We wanted to extend the same offering to you, Jade.” Mr. Thompson’s voice pulls my attention back to him, but I’m sure I missed something because that’s impossible.
Before I can ask for an explanation, Mrs. Thompson cuts in. “We know you're technically too old to be in foster care, but we could still adopt you. We know Charlotte loves you, and we would be more than happy to give you a home as well.” She says as though it’s just that simple.
I look between the two of them for a moment before realizing it really is for them. They’re great people. I don’t need to know them more to see that. And because of that, they are willing to take someone they don’t know in and offer them a home and, by extension, offer me one just to make her happy.
It’s a beautiful thought that makes my heart beat erratically in my chest for a moment, thinking of what my life could be like with a family. With Charlotte as my little sister in a safe place. A home.
For a moment, the idea is too good to be true, and I want more than anything to tell them yes. But as I sit there, something in my mind knows that when I open my mouth, that won’t be the answer I give them.
Everything about my past is complicated and messy, and if I want Charlotte safe and happy for real, I need to let her go. Because what I’m doing and the things I’ve done can still have consequences, and I refuse to let that touch her ever again.
I take a deep breath to steady myself, to turn down the one thing I wish I could have more than anything in life. But if it keeps Charlotte safe, I’ll do it and so much more.
I give a slight shake of my head, and even before I open my mouth, I see Mrs. Thompson's face fall. She knows what's coming too.
“Thank you, really I appreciate the offer, but you taking Charlotte is more than enough. I won’t be going anywhere so long as she needs me, so never hesitate to call if any of you need anything, but I’m okay with where I am right now. So please don’t bother yourself with me.” I tell them I can see that my words must not have been the best choice because I can already see that they want to reassure me that it wouldn’t be an issue, but I press on before they can. “I still have to worry about the other girls, and I’m making steps to get my life on track right now. Charlotte needs you so much more than I ever will, and I would love to watch her grow up, but I don’t think I need to be adopted to do that.” I give them a small smile and hope that this is enough, that they don’t keep pushing because if they do, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to stick to this.
