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“Why?” I try to keep the anger and jealousy out of my voice, but I fail.
“Why do you think Creed?” I give him a blank stare and can’t stop the growl that slips out, it pisses me off when he laughs. “He looks like you, we all knew, even Cole did, that she was using him as a crutch because she…wanted you.” I thought as much but hearing Cairo say it hits differently, I really didn’t realize how much she needed me. With how much I love Harlem already in a short amount of time the fear of losing him haunts me. Jess and I both lost Katy and her loss leaves me with a hole in my chest and I didn’t even get to gaze upon her or hold her. The loss of her must of destroyed Jess. “God strike me down for saying this…but,” The watery tone of his voice gives me pause, I see tears gathering in his eyes and that shocks me Ro never cries! “It was harder for her to lose Katy because she got to raise her for a small measure of time, I hate myself for thinking it but I sometimes I think that if she were a stillborn it would have been…easier.” My mouth hangs open in shock.
“I…uh…”
“I’ve never told anyone that before. Watching my sister break apart and mourn for her daughter destroyed me.” I feel like there is a double meaning here.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I feel like I’m watching her lose Katy all over again.”
“How?”
“Even when she was angry at you for showing up, her eyes still lit up with life. She wasn’t living before you showed up Creed she was surviving, she smiled more often as well. But ever since she was taken the spark in her eyes and her smile has vanished. She has never pulled away from Harlem before until now, I don’t know how to help my sister and it is fucking killing me.” I growl and jump to my feet and pace the small space between us, I tug on the strands of my hair in frustration.
“What do you want me to do Ro? I fucking love her and want to make this shit work, but she keeps pushing me away, I won’t force her to be with me but I… can’t let her go either. What the fuck am I supposed to do?” He stands and approaches me, then places both his hands on my shoulders and looks me straight in the eyes.
“Don’t give up on her Reeves, everyone she has ever loved has left her or died. She is pushing you away, don’t let her push you out brother. She loves you and is just dealing with shit in her own way.”
“I get that, but I just need some…time to sort shit out for myself.” He nods and steps back and I release a breath.
“I have something else to ask.”
“Ask away, you seem to be on a roll for talking today.” Ro glares but I just laugh.
“I don’t want to lead any of the packs, I’ve never wanted to be an alpha.” I stare at him, dumfounded that he doesn’t want to lead the packs.
“W-why not?” Ro drops his gaze from mine, and I drop into my seat and watch as he begins to pace.
“It’s hard to explain, but ever since I fled after my dad was killed, I made a vow.”
“What vow?” He quits pacing and pins me with a look that has me straightening.
“I vowed to never lead a pack; I don’t rule over the rogues they all sort of just… found me. They view me as their alpha, and I guess I have sort fallen into that roll and I’m okay with that. But as far as leading any other packs, I don’t want that. All I want is to stay with the pack that I have built over the years and be free from the rest of the political bullshit that comes with leading the others.” I hate to admit it, but I envy him, I wish I had the freedom that he does to choose. Unfortunately for me I’m not wired the same way, I thrive on the leadership and crave the control.
“What do you want from me then, Ro?”
“I want you and Jess to lead the packs. I’ll help you both achieve this goal, but when all of this over I want to return to my pack lands and live amongst my people.”
“What about Jess and Harlem?” He drops his head and his shoulders hunch.
“I love my sister and that monster more than anything, but she and I can never run freely together, her wolf is just as dominant as mine and I would never forgive myself if we fought. Plus, she has you brother and weather she wants to admit it or not, you are enough for her. You both need to work your shit out and remember that you have a kid together, do better for him Creed, he deserves to grow up in a place where he isn’t looking over his shoulder all the time.” I stand and reach my hand out to him; he stares at it for a moment and then finally places it in mine as he meets my gaze.
“Once all of this is over, I will help you rebuild your lands, I vow to you here and now that I will help Jess lead these packs the right way.”
“She doesn’t want to lead brother; she will hand it all over to you. So, I expect you to do shit the right way and make a difference and be an alpha we can all look up to–– scratch that, be the alpha your son wants to grow up to be.” Well shit, that really hits home.
I didn’t get much sleep after Ro left last night, I spent most of the night just staring at my son or glaring at the ceiling. Thoughts of Jess have plagued me all night, even when I did manage to catch some sleep, I dreamt of her. Waking this morning I told myself that I was going to shut any and all thoughts of her from my mind today and just focus on the pack and my son. After breakfast I decided to bring Harlem with me to help with the pack and get them ready for what’s next.
I stand here with Harlem on my shoulders and let the pack get their fill of him. I know this must be a shock for most of them, when we first boarded the boat, I let them all believe that he was Jess’s son and not mine. Now there is no point in hiding him, they are risking their lives after all to save him. Harlem doesn’t squirm under the pressure of their gazes if anything the little monster loves the attention. I have no idea where he got that trait from because his mother and I don’t thrive under the attention of others like he does.
After they get their fill, they break away and go about packing their houses, I instruct them to move whatever belongings they are taking with us to place it all in the garage of George’s house which is the closet to the beach. After we finish I ask the pack to help anyone else who needs assistance, Harlem and I make our way toward the hall to see if there is something I can do. Truthfully, I just need something else to focus on, so I don’t sit around and think about Jess. Harlem talks the whole way, and I can’t help but laugh when he pronounces words wrong, it’s so cute, just as I’m about to answer his question he tears his hand from mine and takes off yelling.
“Co-Co!” I follow where Harlem is running and see my brother and Zeke standing near the entrance to the hall, Cole scoops Harlem up and chucks him into the air, my boy squeals in delight as Cole catches him. I give Zeke a nod hello and wait for Cole to acknowledge me, I expect him to be pissed at my decision to move out and leave Jess, but when his eyes land on me I see no anger.
“Ahhhhh, the runaway bride is here.” I glower at my idiot kid brother; Zeke chuckles and tells Cole he’ll meet him inside. Before he turns to leave, I stop him with my words.
“Do you think you could take Harlem in with you for a bit?” Zeke looks at me in a weird way. “I just need to talk to Cole and then I’ll be in.”
