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“Aww, you really do love me, don’t you?” she laughs. My brow lifts up in question as I flip to my side, mirroring her posture. My sleep shorts ride up high on my ass, and I blindly tug the material from between my cheeks in a vague attempt at modesty. My ass is facing the bedroom door, after all. I don’t need to moon anyone who might show up. She takes in my expression and shrugs. “What? You must really love me if you’re willing to pretend to be happy for my sake.”
My smile wilts, and my face scrunches up. “I am happy for you, babe.” She gives me a look that says she clearly doesn’t believe me.Ah, she knows me well.I roll my eyes and release a heavy breath. “Look, Shiloh. You remember how you once told me that you can be insanely happy for someone else, and still sad for yourself?”
Shiloh’s happy expression drops just as quickly as mine had, and I immediately feel horrible for running her pre-wedding bliss. My gut clenches with guilt. I hadn’t meant to bring her down to my level of misery. I should have known better. Of course, bringing that up would make her sad. That’s what she told me after losing the baby and receiving a baby shower invitation from one of our friends. I know she was happy for Gia, but the broken look in her eyes told me that friendly joy only went so deep.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” I murmur, petting her head comfortingly. Or at least, that’s my intention, but it comes out a bit aggressive when my floppy, drunk hand slaps her in the ear. She winces and pulls away, shooting me a glare. Her big lips tip up in a smile that soon becomes a laugh, and before I know it, we’re both lying on our backs, cackling hysterically.
We laugh until we’re wheezing, and then we laugh some more. Eventually, it dies down, and we’re both left breathing heavily in the otherwise silent guest suite in her log castle. I still can’t believe she found herself a lumber-snack with a daddy brain who would literally do anything to make her happy. And I do meananything.She told me all about their sex life, leaving nothing out, as besties do. Almost a year later, and I’m still drooling over what happened when Logan found the smutty shifter books on her Kindle. If I wasn’t already at my limits with kinks, I’d definitely be adding knotting to it after her many filthy stories.
Sighing, she reaches down and finds my hand, giving it a firm squeeze. “I didn’t mean to get all mopey. Yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I know you’re happy for me, Ray, I’m just sad that you’re not happy foryou.”
Staring up at the ceiling, I blink away the burning behind my eyes. Shiloh is one of the only people who can get to me in this way. Maybe it’s because, other than my dad, she’s the only other person I’ve really ever let in. She’s so far in, that sometimes I worry she knows more about me than I even know myself.
“I hope you know that I am beyond happy for you, Shi,” I mumble, squeezing her hand tightly. Keeping my gaze locked onto the slow circles the ceiling fan is making, I find it easier to open up. “I honestly cannot picture a person better suited for you, than Logan is. He’s wonderful to you and your boys, who are equally incredible, by the way.”
She sniffles, and I can feel her nod as she shifts on the fluffy down comforter next to me. “I know.”
“My heart is so full for you guys. You deserve every ounce of happiness in your life after everything you’ve been through. I don’t want to bring you down, especially not this weekend. This wedding is everything your first wedding never was, and that is one hundred percent due to the fact that Logan is right for you and his love is real.” Turning to face her, I watch as she smiles softly, even while batting her persistent tears away.
“He really is perfect,” she sighs, a note of awe in her voice. We lock eyes, and the utter pure elation and love on her face cause an intense stabbing pain in my chest. “You’ll have that too, Rayvn. If you want it, you’ll have it too. You just have to be open to it.”
Groaning, I slap the stupid tear that spills down my cheek at her words. dammit. “It’s not as easy for me,” I start, my voice raspy. I’m going to pretend it’s from the alcohol and not from the torrent of emotions climbing up my throat.
Shiloh cuts a hand through the air sloppily as her cute chubby cheeks turn pink in anger. “You know that’s bullshit. My family situation sucked way worse than yours did. At least you have an awesome dad that loves you more than life.” My mouth opens and snaps shut as I glare at her. My family isn’t at all what I was referring to nor do I want to talk about them.
“No, seriously Ray. I understand that this isn’t about your dad or your mom,” she pauses, noticing my flinch. She drops my hand and tugs me forward, pulling me into a tight embrace. My body tenses immediately, not being used to cuddles and physical contact the way she is. It takes me a moment, but I finally relax into her embrace. I wrap my arm around her, returning the hug. This definitely wouldn’t be happening if we weren’t both three sheets to the wind.
“Your dad will love you no matter who you bring home someday. I know you’re afraid to disappoint him, but Harris is a good man. He doesn’t need to know about your sex life, and you’d be surprised that even normal people can be into kinky shit. When you find the love of your life, they will be accepting of your wants and needs, and if they aren’t, then they aren’t who you’re meant to be with.”
I tense again, wanting to pull away.She has no idea what she's talking about. My dad likely won’t say anything. Hell, he might not even recognize me at that point.Oblivious to my own mental spiral, Shiloh hugs me harder before finally releasing me. I sit up, crossing my legs and bundling my arms around a pillow as I fight the urge to run from this conversation. She mirrors my posture, our knees touching as we face one another.
“Rayvn, what Ma—he,” she corrects, knowing I despise his name. “What he did was horrible. There is no other way to spin it. He’s a selfish, misogynistic, judgmental, entitled son-of-a-bitch that deserves to have a dick shoved up his tight, prude asshole.” My eyes are as wide as saucers as I gape at her. Completely unbothered, she shrugs, tipping her shoulders up high. “What? The way that you hate Cole is the way that I have he who shall not be named. He’s a piece of crap, and he deserves to burn in the fiery pits ofMordor.”
“Holy fucking shit. What has Logan done to my sweet best friend?” I shriek.
She grins, releasing a slightly maniacal cackle. “Oh, trust me. My man has a filthy mouth, but this,” she gestures to herself, “is all me. Well…all me and the alcohol. I can’t even remember the last time I drank this much,” she mumbles, a contemplative look on her face. She taps her chin for a moment while she thinks. “Oh wait!” She grins, nodding her head. “The last time I was this drunk was the night I got my job with Huxley Homes!”
I shake my head, but my smile stays firmly planted on my face as I recall her early days in this family. She’d met Logan’s middle brother, Stephen, and his on-again, off-again boyfriend, Dom, at a restaurant when she’d been stood up for a date. She got completely shit-faced, made besties with Dom, who was bartending, and somehow got hired at Stephen’s family’s construction company. She’s still friends with Dom, who I’ve met a few times. He’s a great guy and super hilarious. In fact, Logan’s whole family is wonderful. And his brothers…we’ll… let’s say the Huxley genes are excellent.
Shiloh pulls herself from her reminiscent thoughts and gives me a serious look. “My whole point was that what Mark did was awful. Really and truly fucked up. But he doesn’t represent all men. He’s one limp-dicked jerk in a sea of majorly perfect fish-dicks. Don’t let him keep you from getting back out there and trying again.”
“Fish-dicks? Are you serious?” I murmur, my nose scrunched up in distaste. I shake my head in exasperation. “Please, for the love of all that is holy, do noteverrefer to a cock as a fish-dick again. Especially if your goal is to get me back out into the dating world again. That’s literally the least sexy term I’ve ever heard.”
She tosses her hands up in the air. The quick movement sends her drunken, clumsy self backward, and she narrowly avoids rolling off the bed. I snatch her foot, saving her from having to explain any bruises on her wedding day tomorrow. She barks out a laugh as she regains her spot.
“Anyways,” she drawls through her laughter.She laughs more now than I think she has the entire time I’ve known her, I realize. A soft, genuine smile creeps up my face. I honestly am so damn happy for her. “Promise me that you’ll get back out there. It’s been like four years since you’ve seen anyone. I know he fucked with your head, but seriously, Ray, the shit you like isn’t that weird. I bet you could find someone who likes the things you do on a dating app or something.”
“Of course, it is,” I groan, ignoring the rest of her statement. Covering my face with my hands, I sigh heavily. “He wasn’t wrong, Shiloh. I am a freak.”
“No!” she cries out, her loud volume making me wince. “Hell no, absolutely not.” When I don’t respond, only burying my face deeper into my hiding place, she scoffs. “God, I am so fat.”
My head whips up in her direction as hot, red anger consumes me in an instant. “What the fuck did you just say?” I hiss.
She nods her head, a sad, forlorn expression replacing her previous joy. “I am. Big girls aren’t worthy of love and affection. And we’re definitely not sexy, or deserving of a good sex life.”
My eyes narrow on her in confusion. “Where is this shit coming from? You don’t believe that. That’s the kind of shit Cole would spout at—” She lifts a perfectly arched, thick brown brow at me, looking smug as fuck. “You sneaky little bitch,” I murmur.
“Who? Me?” she gasps, feigning shock like some award-winning actress putting on a show. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
