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“How are the kids?”
She sounds so upset it brings tears to my eye picturing her starring in an episode of Prison Break.
“They are fine. Safely at school and preparing for the nativity that I will video for you, so don’t worry.”
“Thank God.”She sighs with relief. Then she whispers,“What did you tell them?”
“That you’ve both gone away for a few days and will be back soon.”
“And they were ok with that?”
“You know children…” I laugh. “Feed them a Happy Meal and let them stay up past their bedtime and they’re delirious.”
“What about their costumes?”
“Sorted. Anyway, don’t worry about the children, just tell me what’s going on? Why are you in prison already and why haven’t I been contacted to provide bail?”
I now want answers and the tone of voice is not to be messed with.
“Ok, I’ll tell you, but don’t judge me, OK?”
“Of course, I won’t.” I bark, but we both know that I will. I always have.
“Well…”she hesitates and then sighs.
“Well, Anton is an estate agent, and he’s very good at it. Anyway, we like to, well, spice things up from time to time and yesterday was one of those days.”
If anything, she sounds mortified and she mumbles,“I met him at one of the properties he’s selling. It’s worth well over two million pounds and is state-of-the art. Anyway, occasionally we like to pretend to be having an illicit affair. We do that from time to time to keep the spark in our marriage and well, one thing led to another, and we ended up in the master bedroom, um, naked.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing, and she groans.
“Anton wasn’t aware, but the owners returned early from their villa in France and caught us naked in their bed. We didn’t know they had called the police already because they thought we were squatters. Well, the police stormed the room, dogs and all and we were apprehended.”
“And the owners are pressing charges! It’s hardly the crime of the century.”
“Not on its own, I suppose not, but the woman discovered a valuable ring was missing when she did an inventory and accused us. I told them I was naked, but they thought we swallowed it and are waiting to see if the evidence presents itself from either one of us.”
“You’re kidding! They remanded you for that. It’s inhuman.”
I am so incensed on their behalf, and she says miserably.“I agree. At first, I was so afraid. I mean, I’ve watched prison dramas on the television, and I was terrified.”
I agree with that and say quickly, “Whatever you do don’t tell then you’re related to a detective. It won’t end well.”
“It’s ok.”she whispers.“I told them you were a stripper.”
“Them?”
I can’t even deal with her career choice right now because she’s obviously not in solitary waiting for the eagle to land, which causes me concern.
“The girls.”To my surprise, she giggles.
“Oh, Jessica. To be honest, everyone is so lovely in here. For instance I’m in a cell with fat Sandra; she’s amazing.”
“You can’t call her that, it’s….”
“Ironic.”
“What do you mean, ironic?”
