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“Until…”
“Until we’re married.”
“We’re gonna be married anyway…” The crease between his brows deepens and I can’t say what I really want to; that Vince is actively trying to get me out of this contract and sleeping with him would mean the end of that plan– would mean, I’m stuck with him.
In the height of desire, that sounds okay, but Adrik is not who I want to be with. We don’t even like each other most days. In fact, this is the only moment since I’ve met him that we’ve gotten along without saying something to cause the other frustration.
“Espie,” he searches my eyes and I mindlessly bite my lip.
“I’m…”
“You’re…?”
“I’m a virgin.” He busts out laughing, and I’m a little taken off guard. “What?” I’m feeling a bit flustered, and more like how I normally get when he’s around– like I want him anywhere but next to me.
“Espie, I know.”
“H-how?” I self-consciously ask.
“You’re the firstborn… you literally can’t look at a man the wrong way. I know how this shit works…”
“So, you know why it totally makes sense for me not to want to…”
“Espie, this isn’t a normal scenario. You and I are stuck like this. We might as well start exploring now.”
“I- I don’t see it that way.” I shake his hand away, and he looks hurt, which is another new face for him that makes me feel bad, but it shouldn’t. It’s just manipulative. But I think it’s working because I still want him, and if he kissed me right now to shut me up, I might not have the strength to say no again.
“Look, I’m not gonna push you. I just want you now because—” He stops and looks past me for a moment before licking his bottom lip and looking back.
“Because?” I push, and he gets a crooked grin.
“Maybe you’re right.”
“I am?” I’m caught off guard by his sudden change from persistence to passiveness.
He weakly presses his lips together, “Yeah.” I study his face to see where the hint of irony is, but I can’t find it.
“So, you’re done asking?”
“Yes.” He whispers, closing his eyes like he couldn’t possibly stay up another second when he was very much awake a moment ago. I twist around in his arms and right before I’m about to fall asleep he whispers, lips pressed to my ear, “But, I’m not donetrying.”
15
ADRIK
Iwake up on fire. Not actually lit, but my skin is burning and itching and begging me for nicotine. I slide out of bed, glancing over at Espie to see if she’s still in bed, and she is. Sound asleep, curled up under the covers.
I walk around the bed to the side of the bed that I took my clothes off at, and rummage through the pile of them until I find my cigarettes. Quietly, I cross to the dimming fire, barely holding on, and light one up by pressing the back of it to some red glowing wood.
After taking my first drag, my body thanks me and the symptoms seem to dissipate rather quickly. They always do when I give them what they want. Espie hates my smoking, I can tell by the way she scrunches her nose when she smells it, then there’s her overt comment about her dislike for them, back on the first day we met.
I’m not the attentive type, haven't kept a woman around long enough to care about what they want, but for some reason, I care about waking Espie with the smell. So, I cross to the window and crack it open, looking up at the thick snow clouds in the bluish, early morning sky as the gray clouds from my cigarette join them.
You know, it’s possible I also don’t want to wake Espie because I don’t know what I’m going to get from her. She could be pissed at me this morning, irate for kissing her. I wouldn’t put it past her. After all, she is such a priss about everything.
“Good morning.” Her sleepy morning voice greets me and I twist around with a slight grin. Still not sure what she’s going to do or say.
“Morning. Last night was—“
