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“I’ll come to grips with it. We already agreed he won’t know I’m his biological father. She’s dating a really nice guy, and deep down, she thinks he’s the one. Apparently, he and Jackson have a great bond too. I’m happy for her.”
I shrugged. “I guess I am too. But where does that leave us?”
“Me feeling guilty for my actions, which I know I can never erase.” He sighed and took my hands back into his. “Cedar, I’d like to redo our anniversary night. Would that be okay with you?”
Would it? I glanced around the empty rest area – the sex part could be fun. It’d had been a while since we did it, and nowthat he was sitting so close to me, I was getting turned on. Which was weird because I was supposed to still be mad at him. Yes, he had apologised and if we stayed together, we’d find the best way to be involved in Jackson’s life.
Suddenly I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I needed to know more about us. How did Jasmine fit in the picture? Was I ready to forgive Mitch for his mistake and move on? Because I may need to for the sake ofourchild.
“How involved are you planning on being with Jackson?”
“I haven’t yet decided because we,” he pointed between us, “haven’t discussed it and determined what would be best for us all. It’s something we need to be on the same page for.”
It was food for thought.
We sat in silence while I finished eating, and Mitch gobbled up his plate full of chicken fried rice the way only guys on a mission seemed to be able to do – without a care in the world. He gathered his garbage.
“Let’s walk.”
I tossed my things, having enjoyed almost every bite.
We walked though the forest, the evening sun twinkling its beams through the leaves, dancing in the light, salty breeze.
The path widened and we came upon the lighthouse, standing tall and proud like my memory of the first time Mitch brought me to this spot. Five years ago, Mitch had kissed me on this very ground. It was the first time I’d let anyone explore the inside of my mouth the way he did, and remembering it stirred up a round of carnal feelings, and an ache developed between my legs.
The light circled around a few times as I revelled in the mental experience. After Mitch kissed me, something changed inside - I knew in my soul he was the one for me. Up until a week ago, there had never been any doubt.
A glowing ember was still hanging on. “What about thefuture though? What happens to us?”
“I guess the first question would be finding out if you’ll ever forgive me?”
Tough question, with an answer I wasn’t sure about. “I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“Is there anything I can say that will tip the scales towards a yes?”
“You said before, you were just comfortable being us.”
“I know. But that changed. I’m willing to change my opinion on that. Just like before you, I didn’t like eggs.”
“You didn’t?” This was news to me.
“No, they were gross. But you kept making them, and I tried them. Turns out I actually don’t mind them. As long as you cook them. I can’t seem to make them right.” He was smiling. “People can change, and I’ll be the first to admit, it happened to me.”
I nodded and walked away a little, closer to the edge of the water, focused on the spray shooting into the air as the waves crashed harder against the rocky escarpment.
Would he change? Would he be okay with being a father – a full-time father? Because that was what I wanted more than anything, even though I was willing to do it alone, especially after seeing how quickly he dismissed Jackson.
Deep down, I knew I’d be able to forgive the mistake with Jasmine, and I’d be willing to accept Jackson into Mitch’s life, if that’s whathewanted. But I wantedourbaby to be involved all the time with Mitch. I wanted him there for the birth, for the midnight feedings, for the good and the rough. For everything. I want to grow old with Mitch.
I spun around and my jaw hit the floor - Mitch was on bended knee.
“I realised a while ago I wanted to buy you something very special for our anniversary. That day, I had everything allplanned out. After supper, we were going to go for a ride, and I was going to bring you here and ask you something important. And Jasmine happened in the middle of it, derailing my plans. I saw the hurt in your eyes and heard the fear in your voice.” He produced a box from the pocket of his shorts.
My eyes widened and my breath caught in my throat.
“I can’t live without you. You are my soul mate.” The box teetered in his hands. “Cedar Ratzloff, will you do me the honour of taking my hand in marriage, giving me a future with you. Whatever comes our way, we’ll work through it together.”
How long had I dreamed of a moment like this? Since the first time we’d slept together, if I were being honest, and yet, words failed to fall out of my mouth, and my mind went totally blank.
