Page 112 of Cosmic God


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“Rob should probably tell you his own story, but he’s a man of few words, so I’ll fill you in. Rob hates you nearly as much as me. You promised him the head of security job and then you brought in Matt instead. All your staff work stupid hours, with no thanks, and he’d had enough. We meet a few years ago. Rob, well, Rob and I became special friends. When I found out where he worked, I knew it was meant to be. He faked my credentials, made sure I got the job and has been deleting the CCTV footage, bugging rooms, and spying on you all when I couldn’t get close enough. You made it even easier, brother, when you handed your head of security over to that bitch, Emmy. I mean, what were you thinking? But that meant Rob was with you more, which made it easier for me to fuck with your life. Rob had easy access, and you never gave meek, terrified Rylee a second glance.” She fluttered her eyelashes, trying to look coy, but the smile on this girl’s face showed me what a monster I was dealing with.

“Rob, you get paid a shit ton of money to be overworked on tour. Why didn’t you talk to me?”

Rob stalked forward, prodding me hard in the chest with his finger. “Because you’re a cunt, Tanner. Self-obsessed, entitled, egotistical. I worked for you for six years and you gavemyjob to a stranger. I met Rylee. She gave me a way to put things right. I took it.”

“I trusted you. We trusted you both. What the actual fuck.” I lunged back at Rob because I knew he was unarmed, and I guessed I could take his skinny ass down, but Rylee moved between us, pointing the gun at my face again.

I froze.

“Not so tough now, are you, big brother?” she hissed.

I held my hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry for what you went through, Rylee. For what Mum did to you, but that’s not on me. Why don’t you put the gun down and let’s chat? I can help.”

“Help? Help?” she shrieked, pressing the barrel of the gun against my chest. “It’s too late to help. I’m just here to finish what I started. To break you, Tanner, so you’re as damaged as me. So there are so many pieces inside you that no one can put them back together. I mean, why do you get to shine like the sun while I wither in the shadows?”

“Rylee, you made me the villain in your life. I would have looked after you. I would have protected you. I didn’t know anything about you. Nothing. How is your life my fault?” My heart pounded so loudly in my ears that I struggled to hear the words that came next.

“Because if she’d not had you, then she might have kept me. You got the lifeIwanted… thatIdeserved, while I was thrown away like trash. She chose you over me and then when she left you, you got new people to love you. I got no one.”

Her head fell forward and her shoulders slumped, and I almost felt sorry for her, but then I felt the cold steel of the gun pressed against my chest and those feelings vanished.

“You tried to kill me, Rylee.”

“Tried? Yes, I did. I tried, but nothing worked, so now I’m going old school. I mean, there isn’t any coming back from a bullet to the head, is there, brother? Except these bullets aren’t for you. No. That would be too easy.” A thin smile spread across her lips and terror shuddered through my body, terrified to hear what she had planned. “You wouldn’t suffer if I shot you. It would be over too quickly. I’m going to make you watch me take the people you love the most. Then you can live with the guilt that you killed them. Tonight, it all changes. One way or another.”

“Rylee, please,” I begged. “You’ll never get away with it. Thomas has armed security everywhere. Do you think you’re just going to shoot us and leave? How are you even going to get out of this room?”

She started pacing manically again, running her fingers through her lank hair while the other hand kept the gun pointing in my direction. “I don’t think you understand the power of being unimportant, Tanner. You’ve never felt it. To slip between people and not even register on their radar. I’ve spent my whole life perfecting it. I mean, what could meek, terrified little Rylee do? Her voice changed to the quiet timber she’d been using since she joined us all those years ago. She wouldn’t say boo to a goose, so she couldn’t hurt the Cosmic Gods, could she?” she whispered mockingly.

“You’re messed up, Rylee. All the things you’ve done…” I threw my hands up in the air, shocked at the lengths she’d gone to and the things she’d tried to do to me.

“And to watch it all unfold, brother, has been pretty spectacular. The look on your face today when you thought Levi betrayed you was almost enough. But then he wouldn’t stop calling me. Again and again, until I took my phone to you. He could have ruined everything. My entire plan could have gone out of the window because you believed him. Because that’s who you’ve become, brother. Someone who feels, who believes in people. I mean, what the fuck? I didn’t think you had it in you. I blame that bitch, Emmy, for showing up. She changed you all, but I won’t let her ruin this for me. She can’t save you from this. What happens next is all on you.”

“What—what do you mean?” I demanded, squeezing Frankie’s hand, silently telling her to be strong, even though by now we were both frozen with fear.

“Let me show you what I mean.” She pointed her gun-free hand at the table next to us. "There are seven shots on this tray. Each one represents a person in the band or someone close to you. Frankie, Grayson, Maverick, Addison, Emmy, Lori, and Phil.Yourfamily. I’ve already decided which drink represents which person. When you drink a drink, you save a person. If you don’t drink any of them, they will all die. You drink some and some will die, but you won’t know which ones. You drink them all, you fall off the wagon, your life is fucked up, but you save all the people you love. What’s it to be, Tanner?”

Horror slammed into me as I listened to her plan. I would drink them all. That wasn’t even a question in my head. I would drink them all and save my family, knowing that one sip would send me back to the start of this painful rollercoaster I’d been riding for almost a year. I didn’t care. I just wanted to save them all.

“Why are you punishing me?” I cried out. “Shouldn’t you be taking all this anger and revenge out on our mum?”

She laughed a slow, demonic laugh, closing her eyes for a second as a look of satisfaction spread across her face. “Ah, dear Mum. Did you know she’s had nothing to do with any of this? After her pathetic attempts to blackmail you, where she got a miserable five thousand, she stopped. It was enough for her. Everything else was me. Don’t worry though, I’ve already dealt with Mummy dearest. Pushed a truckload of drugs into her and watched her overdose this afternoon. I can’t say she passed away peacefully. It was pretty horrific, but nothing less than she deserved. I’m sorry for your loss, big brother, but I’m not sorry for what’s to come. Either way, whatever decision you make, it will be the end of your sobriety, the band, your relationship… and you deserve it all. You took everything that could have been mine, and now I want to finally see you lose everything.”

I looked at Rylee and wondered how someone could become so angry and bitter. I didn’t understand her life, but I also knew that nothing that had happened to her was down to me. Mum did this to her, but I was the one being made to suffer. “Rylee, this is ridiculous. You’re not going to make me drink and you’re not going to hurt anyone. Put the gun down, let’s talk. We can make this better.” I stepped towards her gingerly, and she let out an ear-piercing scream.

“No,wefucking can’t.Wecan’t fix this. You can’t fixthis.” She gestured to herself, momentarily dropping the gun, so it aimed at the floor, rather than us. I thought about making a move to stop her, but like she could read my thoughts, the gun sprang back up towards me, and the anger in her eyes intensified. I squeezed Frankie’s hand, hoping she’d stay behind me.

“The things I went through in care. The things those monsters did to me. The things I had to do to survive on the streets. You can’t wipe those things away. They run through me. They are as much a part of me as the blood that pumps through my veins. Her decision to dump me took away my chance at a life. What if I’d come home with her? What if she left us there alone together? What if Lori had taken us both in? Then what? What could I have done with my life? That bitch of a mother took it all? You existing meant that I couldn’t.”

She paused while she caught her breath, taking Frankie and me in as if she’d forgotten Frankie was even here. “Look, even now, you reach for her. She’s not even your blood, and she’s the one you care about. You don’t even think about comforting me.”

“You have a fucking gun pointing at my face, Rylee. Of course, I’m not going to comfort you,” I yelled, but then my voice softened as I wondered if I could get through to her. “Let us go and let me get you some help. I can help you, I promise.”

“It’s too late. I don’t have anything left. Nothing. Other than destroying you. Then I’ll be someone. People will remember me. My life won’t have been in vain. The mistake of a fucked up whore. I will always and forever be a part of the Cosmic Gods because I will be the one that ended them. Either by breaking you, Tanner, or by killing them all. I don’t care which way it goes, but they are the only two ways this will end, brother.”

I heard a click as she took the safety off the gun and my heart hammered so hard in my chest I could barely hear what she said next. “This wasn’t meant to happen until we got back to the hotel. When I had you all to myself, but then I saw you and Emmy. I saw you find your happy ever after and I knew I needed to do this now. I mean, she was as invisible as me. I saw her when she arrived. Terrified, hiding, desperately trying to go under the radar. I thought she might be a kindred spirit. Someone who would understand how I felt, but instead of ignoring her like you did me, you all helped her. She fucking blossomed with your love and support. I mean, why couldn’t I have that? Why couldn’t you love me?”

“Because I didn’t fucking know about you, Rylee. I’m offering you it all now. Let me take care of you. Just let Frankie and the others go.” I tried to keep my voice level.

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