Page 62 of Cosmic God


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Mav is circling, afraid to commit to the band/his family.

The band is on the verge of splitting.

These were all lines I’d written in my notebook. Lines that had been taken out of context. Lines that looked like I was assuming the worst of these amazing people.

Tanner flicked through the papers, and I could feel the anger vibrating through his body. I wanted to hold him, to promise him it would be okay, but that wasn’t my job. That was Addi’s job because right now, I wasn’t sure it would be.

“Where is this photo from, Addi? I don’t know when someone would have taken it. And all this crap about the band. Where’s it coming from? My mum can’t have gotten this close, and she’d have no idea what the other members of the band were thinking.”

“I don’t know, Tanner, but I promise you I will find out, and then there will be hell to pay. No matter where this photo was taken—the hotel or the hospital—you were obviously not in a good place. Why didn’t they help you? Why did they take your picture? It’s fucked up. Leave it with me.”

I coughed, my heart racing as his attention landed back on me.

“Angel? Something wrong?”

“These lines. They came from my notebook. They have been taken totally out of context, and I’m happy to explain how I work and why I even wrote these things down, but these are my words.” I paused as everyone stared at me, shame filling my body. Then it hit me.

“Someone must have read my notebook. I don’t take it outside, so someone on this tour with us read my notebook that I keep locked in the safe in my room.”

“What the hell, Emmy? You wrote this shit?” Tanner fired at me, his brow furrowed with hurt, seeming to be ignoring the fact that someone had broken into my room and my safe and read my notes.

“I did, but not like you think. Let me grab my notebook.” I ran to my room and took it from the safe before hurrying back.

“I write a lot and then I write fast summary lines so I know what we’ve covered or things I thought about that I want to explore more of. They aren’t meant as judgments or even reality. They are just things that have popped into my head or things a reader might think after they’ve read what you’ve just said. It’s my working process. No one is meant to read it, which is why I don’t take it outside,” I tried to explain.

“Someone read it. Someone in this hotel, on this tour with us, leaked this stuff and I’m guessing leaked a photo of Tanner. I mean, who does that? Who takes a photo of a man overdosing, possibly dying, so they can sell it?” My voice was strained, tears streaking my face.

Tanner stepped closer, wiping the tears from my face before wrapping his arm around my waist and planting a kiss on my temple. “Hey, angel, we’ll sort it. We’re not angry with you. It’s just a story. We can counter it and minimize its impact. Can’t we, Addi?”

“With some work, we can sort all of this, but we need to work out who managed to get to you all. Matt, I want you to double security on the band. I also want to make sure that anyone who works with us has a security member on them at all times.”

“I’ll get it sorted, Addi,” Matt assured her.

“I want to make a statement, Addi. I can’t have people thinking this is who I am now. I owe the band more than that. Can you sort it?”

“Of course. Let me see what I can do.”

The next morning, I watched his interview from the hotel with Matt sitting next to me.

Tanner was wearing black jeans, heavy boots, and a black cashmere sweater. No eyeliner, no rings, no rock star persona. Just Tanner Hastings talking to the world. His face was serious, but his body language relaxed as he sat on the large red sofa.

He was doing an interview, live streaming on the breakfast news.

“Welcome, Tanner, and the other members of the Cosmic Gods, who we see you’ve brought with you, although they’re waiting off camera today. From the latest reports, it looks like you’re struggling, Tanner. Is it time to cancel your tour and check yourself into rehab?” the reporter asked, concern clear in his voice.

“Hi, Dan, honestly no. I don’t know when this photo was taken. If I had to guess, I’d say it was when I accidentally overdosed two months ago. That was rough. My manager threatened to quit, as did my band members. They’re my family and I realized I couldn’t carry on like I was. I had to change. I quit drinking and drugs and I’ve not touched anything since. I’m seeing a therapist. We’ve made backstage at our gigs a sober space. The band is totally behind me. I’m doing really well. Much better than I thought I could do. This photo was an invasion of my privacy. That’s a photo of me on the verge of dying because when I overdosed, it really was that close. I’ve tried to belittle what happened and make a joke of it, but I drank so much and took so many drugs that I nearly killed myself. My team, my band, my family, they brought me back. This photo is someone trying to take advantage of that.” Tanner’s heartfelt admission brought a tear to my eye, which I wiped away quickly.

The reporter nodded, obviously moved by Tanner’s honesty as well. “And what about the quotes in the paper from someone ‘inside the cosmic camp?”

“Those quotes were manipulated to sound like we’re falling apart. We’re not. We were. And we were because of me. But we’re stronger than ever and we won’t let people twist the truth. I messed up, but I’m taking steps to heal things, and to have someone we trust leak photos and comments we might have said in the safety of our band bubble is not something we expected.”

The reporter smiled warmly. “Wow, Tanner, it’s nice to have someone be so honest. We don’t see that very often. We’re glad to hear you’re getting the help you need and we can’t wait to see what’s next for the Cosmic Gods. Make sure you come and tell us when you know, okay?”

I turned off the TV with a sigh.

“He’s a very different man since you arrived, Emmy. I hope you realize the difference you’ve made to him… to all of them,” Matt said before moving from the sofa, leaving me sitting there, wishing they’d be back soon.

Chapter 20

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