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I woke mid-morning to an empty bed, sunlight streaming in through the window. I stretched my body across their giant bed and felt the tension I’d been carrying around since I left them had shifted slightly. My panic attack last night felt like a bad dream, but I knew it was a sign that I wasn’t doing as well as I liked to pretend. I reached for my phone that someone had put on charge next to the bed and typed out an email to my therapist asking for an emergency appointment. Her secretary replied moments later, giving me a time to call her today.”
I took a carefully timed lukewarm shower and pulled on some clean gray joggers and a white t-shirt, running my fingers through my damp hair, suddenly nervous about being here with them both.
Padding downstairs, I heard a low conversation, mixed in with a song playing on the radio. Ivy sat at the kitchen island, hair tied up, wearing some black leggings and an oversized cream sweater that hung off her shoulder, exposing her pale flesh. I watched as Ethan walked over to her, pressing his lips to the same skin my eyes were locked on, placing a coffee in front of where she was staring at her laptop. He leaned over her shoulder, nodding at whatever was on the screen before he nuzzled into her neck, cupping her breasts. I couldn’t hide the deep moan that escaped from my lips.
They both turned to look at me, a slow smile spreading across Ivy’s face as her eyes scanned my body, but Ethan’s face was fixed, his eyes still dancing with rage.
“Coffee, Gray?” he asked through a clenched jaw.
“Please.”
Ivy held out her hand. “Come, sit. It’s nice to have you here. I don’t think I’ve told you that.” she whispered as I pulled out the stool next to her. “How are you feeling? After last night?”
I shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I think I’ve spent a long time pretending I was fine when I wasn’t and being back here, seeing how much I’d hurt you, realizing what I’ve lost… it was too much. I’ve emailed my therapist and I’m talking to her later.”
“Good. And we timed your shower, so we know you’re not punishing yourself that way,” she said with a wink.
“I am so sorry,” I sighed. “Sorry that I ran. Sorry that I wasn’t honest about how I felt. Sorry that I hurt you both. I wouldn’t ever want to hurt either of you. I thought leaving would protect you and save you from the media circus I live in. But it just broke me and made me hurt you. I feel so lost without you both.”
“If you were sorry, Gray, you would have apologized before now. Emailed, called, sent a fucking carrier pigeon. Just something to let us know you were okay, and we didn’t do something to send you running. You walked away from us and never looked back.”
“What he’s trying to say is that he missed you, too. Excuse my grumpy husband.”
The wordhusbandmade me hiss as if I’d been burned.
“Sorry,” Ivy said, placing her hand over mine. “We have things to explain as well, Grayson. But this will take time. There are no quick fixes here because the wounds are too deep.”
“I have three more days.”
“And then we have three months.”
I lifted an eyebrow, confused.
“You’re a selfish dick and I’m still furious with you, but my feelings… our feelings for you haven’t changed. You’re going to America for three months. We told you we’d come to LA, but if you’ll have us, we’ll stay the whole three months. We will travel around with you. Stay in hotels nearby, so the press doesn’t find out. This way, we can see what this is between us and how it will work in the real world. We don’t want to let you go again. Is that good with you…?”
I gripped the counter and closed my eyes as my pulse throbbed in my ears.
“You can’t, it’s too much. I can’t ask you to do that.”
Ivy pulled her hand back from mine, her eyes filling with uncertainty. “I thought you loved us. I thought you’d want this.”
“I do, it’s just…” I couldn’t find the words to explain.
“It’s just not what you want at all, is it Gray?” Ethan yelled at me from across the room. “What, will we interrupt all those groupie blow jobs and uncomplicated fucks you’ve been getting? Is this too real, too deep? What are you even doing here?”
“What the fuck, Ethan?” I cried back.Is that what they really thought of me?“There's been no one since you two. Not once. Not even a kiss. For eighteen months I have punished myself by not letting myself be with you, but I didn’t for a second want anyone else. I want you to come to America. I want you there with me. I just can’t believe you’d move your lives for me like that. Without question. I can’t believe I’m that lucky.”
“Not lucky, Grayson. Loved.”
I looked up to thank Ivy for her words and saw Ethan stalking across the room. The fury in his eyes replaced by something else. He pulled me around on the stool I was sitting on, forcing his wide hips between my thighs. Cupping my face, he stared down at me. His usual firm touch, suddenly as soft and gentle as Ivy’s. Dragging his thumb over my lips, he spoke, his voice so low, the vibration made me instantly hard for him.
“No one has touched you since us?”
“No one.”
“Fuck, Gray. It’s hard to be angry with you when you say shit like that.”
Staring up into those sparkling blue eyes that I’d missed so much, I leaned into his touch.
