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I couldn’t help it. The need to kiss him overwhelmed me. Pressing my lips against his, I slipped my tongue into his mouth, taking my time, knowing that this would probably be the last time I got to taste him and wanting to take enough of him to remember for a lifetime. I only broke away when our chests heaved, and I noticed my hips rocking slowly over his cock again.
“And why can’t you do those things, big man?” I groaned against his lips, feeling the head of his cock pressing against my entrance, neither of us trying to readjust our position. “If I’ve not made it clear enough, I want you. I fancy the pants off you. I love being around you. I don’t know what else to say to make you realize that I want this with you. I have done since I met you. You have been my orgasm inspiration for a really long time now.”
He let out a long laugh, tilting his head to one side. Looking at me like he was weighing up his options.
“I think we’ll park that comment and come back to it later because I really want to know more, Rogue.” Rubbing his thumb over my lips, he sighed. “I did some things. In my past. Some things that… well… I don’t deserve to be happy. I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as you. People were hurt because of me and now I deserve to hurt.”
“What?” I exclaimed, confused.
“You would make me so happy, Rogue. Being with you. Having a relationship with you. Touching you. Tasting you. Burying myself inside you. Hearing my name on your lips. Fuck, it’s all I want. You’re all I want. But I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you.” Heartbreak masked Matt’s face as he stared at me.
“That’s ridiculous. What could you have possibly done that means you deserve a life of pain and sadness? You’re the best man I know.”
“I can’t tell you, but just know if you knew, you’d think it, too.”
“Never,” I cried, entwining my fingers with his, trying to offer him some comfort.
We stayed like that for a while, before he reached down and grabbed my top from the floor, helping me put it back on.
“I’m sorry, Rogue. I meant what I said. I want you so much it physically hurts to not be with you.”
“You know, you’re hurting me too. Do I deserve that?” I asked, already feeling him shutting down.
“Of course not. I know it might not make much sense, but I’m trying to protect you.”
“You keep telling yourself that, Matt, but you’re not,” I sighed, trying not to feel annoyed. “Every time I see you and I can’t touch you or kiss you like I want to, it hurts. I’ve spent years hurting because I thought you’d rejected me. You’re hurting me by not being with me. How is that fair?”
He shakes his head before pushing my hair back from my face. “It’s not. You deserve the world. I just can’t be the person to give you it.”
I didn’t know what else to say. Matt looked exhausted, and I didn’t want to keep pushing like some desperate woman who couldn’t take no for an answer. Kissing him softly on the lips, I pushed myself up from his lap, letting my eyes rake over him one last time, knowing I could never put myself in this position again because it hurt too much.
“Night, Matt.”
“Night, Rogue.”
Walking into my bedroom, I closed the door softly, and it wasn’t long before I heard the suite door close as Matt walked away from me.Again.
Chapter 12
Matt
We’dbeenintheUS for a few weeks, and I was so exhausted I could barely remember my own name and was seriously questioning my position with the Gods. The last few months had been a shit show, but recently things had spiraled to a new level of crazy and I wondered if I was the right person to keep this band safe.
So far, since we’d been here, someone had managed to get photos of them on a private beach, leaked stories they shouldn’t have known, and by far the worst thing was someone had handed Tanner a bottle of water that had been spiked and while he was out of it, two girls sexually assaulted him and made it look like he’d broken his sobriety. The poor kid had a fit and nearly died, but not before Emmy had found them all in bed together, which sent her running. And now I had even more bad news to deliver to him.
I knocked on Tanner’s suite door and when he yelled for me to come in, I found him sitting up in bed with Frankie next to him wearing what looked likeOne Directionpajamas. My heart stopped beating as I took them in; her curled up against him.
“Tell me you didn’t?” was all I managed to get out.
“What the fuck, Matt? She’s my sister,” he spat back through gritted teeth.
“But not by blood.”
He grunted angrily. “Is that what you think of me? I get drugged and nearly die. My girlfriend leaves me and you think I’d fuck my little sister to help myself heal? What’s wrong with you?”
I paused, staring down at her, hating myself for thinking the worst of him… of them both. Rubbing the spot between my eyebrows, I tried to remove the tension that sat heavily there. “Shit, sorry. It’s been a long night,” I sighed. “Something happened. A woman tried to break into the penthouse last night. We have her on CCTV. It looks like your mum, Tanner.”
“I knew it,” he yelled. “I knew that bitch was behind all this.”
