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“No, he doesn’t.” I tilted my head, and she shrunk under my scrutiny. The predator in me rejoiced that she recognized me as a threat.
Fern looked away, her hand holding her elbow. “Congratulations.”
Was she congratulating me on the marriage or the imaginary baby everyone was so desperate to believe in?
“Thank you. Well, I need to be going. I have another appointment.” I didn’t. I just wanted to escape the conference room and my stifling disappointment.
Fern opened her briefcase and started packing up. “It was nice meeting you.” Her voice was sincere, but the fact she was talking to the table suggested it was bullshit. Who wants to meet your ex’s wife and baby mama?
“Same. Have a good one.” I halfheartedly waved and rushed to my car, giving small smiles to the people I passed.
Once I got home, I stood in the entryway. The silence of our city home was oppressive, reminding me I was alone and would be for a long time.
Ryan glided down the stairs, not bothering to even greet me at the door, before heading toward the kitchen.
“Happy to see you too,” I mumbled as I eyed the banister, the stairs, and then the pictures along the wall. After the bail hearing, I’d moved my hygiene and beauty products to the guest bath downstairs and gathered enough clothes to last a while. It had been nearly three weeks since I slept in our bed or even stepped foot upstairs. Squaring my shoulders, I started a slow trudge up to our room. At our bedroom door, I took a deep breath and stepped inside.
My perfectly tailored black suit from the hearing lay balled up in the corner. Random pieces of clothing trailed from the closet to the bed, where the sheets were still ruffled from a sleepless night before my hopes were dashed.
Everything was as I left it.
I kicked off my shoes as I walked over to the bed and face planted into Luca’s pillow. The faint hint of his mint shampoo made me tear up, but I kept breathing him in. It was the closest I was going to get for a while.
In the privacy of my own home, I let myself crumble. Tears soaked the pillowcase, and the air grew humid as I breathed in every exhale. Heaving sobs shook my body as I tightly clutched the pillow. Turning my damp face to the side, Luca’s dresser was in my line of sight, and on top of it was my favorite of his colognes. I rubbed the tears off my cheeks and staggered toward it, my foot catching on a pair of jeans. Tripping into the dresser, my hands slammed on top, knocking the bottle right into my fingers. Grateful it was still half full, I held the heavy bottle to my nose. Even with the cap on, the rich earthy notes came through.
My gaze fell back to the bed, and I took off the cap. In a move that would have made past Sasha cringe, I spritzed his pillow, pulled back the covers, and gave the sheets a once over.
Was it the move of a desperate woman?
Yes.
Did I care?
No.
I stood in the midst of Luca’s scent and breathed deeply. If I closed my eyes, I could almost believe he was in the room with me. As I put the cover back in place, I dropped the cap, and it hit my foot, bouncing away. “Why?” I groaned, setting the cologne on the side table and dropping to my knees. Feeling under the bed, my hand ran over a small square.
“What’s that?” I frowned as I pulled out a small white box. The same box Maria gave me after Pete’s funeral. The same box Luca never mentioned after that day, and I finally knew why. Hauling myself up, I set it next to Luca’s cologne and stared.
“He didn’t open it.” I brushed my fingers across the top and sighed. The thought of Pete and his last gift to Luca being forgotten made my heart ache, and I resolved to bring this small token to Luca when I was finally allowed to see him.
Thinking back, I couldn’t remember Luca actually mourning Pete. He’d been upset the night he died and vengeful after that, but he’d never talked about how he felt about everything. And I hadn’t pushed him to. Tears ran down my cheeks as my heart broke for everything Luca had lost, all the sacrifices he’d made. Knowing it would be a while before I could hug and love on him, I rolled under the duvet and breathed deeply.
This would have to do.
