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Icrytheentireway home. It’s a good thing I have a couple of days before I have to show my face anywhere and I make it to the apartment a sobbing mess before I walk inside. I take my suitcase to my room and cry again when I realize how much of my stuff is over at Kyle’s house.
I was a fool to think that we’d live in the bubble forever. Kyle pushed his parents too hard and while I don’t like them at all, they are his family. They deserve to have a fighting chance to keep a relationship with their son and work all their shit out.
This might be good for them. I don’t know.
I unpack what I brought, knowing it will get me through a few days before I need to get more or make a choice. I hang things as best I can to reverse the damage done when I threw them into the suitcase and put everything away in my bathroom.
Apart from not having a lot of clothes, everything almost looks the same. I take my sheets into the laundry room to wash all traces of Kyle from them since all I smell is the cologne he wears, mixed with his natural woodsy scent that makes no sense to me.
As the sheets run through the wash cycle, I drop to the couch and look around. Seattle feels like sadness to me now and this apartment is just a shell. I love my job, but it has everything to do with Kyle and I look at my ring, hating that it’s so beautiful. Do I have the strength to smile through the days wearing something that feels like a lie?
I promised him we’d keep this between us and the only way to do that is to wear the ring and play the part of the happy fiancée that’s living with the love of her life.
Kyle is the love of my life, but he doesn’t know that. I can’t tell him because we’re nothing but a lie. Sure, we sleep together and have a great time, but that only makes me fall harder for him.
That was what I felt when I saw him for the first time. I knew the connection was still there, yet I agreed to help him with this fucking idea.
I stay on my couch, moving only to put the sheets in the dryer and order food. I didn’t buy anything for my fridge because of the move and I think about our grocery store trip where we laughed as we looked at some of the odder things on the shelves.
I feel like I’m going to burst by Sunday after a restless night alone in my bed. Kyle hasn’t contacted me and I’m not calling him. It’s better this way. When my mom calls me on Sunday afternoon to talk, I cry immediately.
I tell her all about the fake relationship and engagement, filling her in on the entire story. It feels like a relief just putting it all out there, especially since this is over. I’ll deal with that media fallout later down the line, but I know I can’t be part of anything that hurts as much as being with Kyle this way.
The call also makes me miss Boston and everything I left behind there, putting a new plan into my head. One that involves leaving Kyle behind once and for all.
My parents have a great marriage, and they love each other. I don’t think that happens without some struggles, but I never saw theirs. I can love Kyle all day long, but there will be struggles and I can’t be the reason he gives up on his family. Maybe there was someone else for me that will be easier, or maybe not. I might just be romanticizing this thing with Kyle and confusing the past with the present.
I thought about it through the night, not sleeping. When my alarm went off; I felt like I hadn’t slept in days. For the first time in my career, I called in sick to Marcie with the excuse of having a terrible cold. I always went to work, and this wasn’t like me, but I just couldn’t play the role today.
Instead, I dozed and looked up some jobs in the Boston area. I thought this fresh start would be everything I needed, and instead it just brought me to a past that should have been left behind me. Kyle moved the first time, and I can move this time. We can each forget the other and move forward to a place where everything works out the way it’s meant to.
I take a chance and apply online to a couple of companies back home. I haven’t been at this job long, but they’re well known, with a great reputation. It will count for something, and I can make up a reason I’m coming back to Boston. I also have my college background to consider, and it got me the job at C&K just fine.
I know I need to go back to work on Tuesday to be part of the team. Until I land something else, that’s my job and I hold on to the fact that I don’t see much of Kyle to begin with.
I pick out a dress that I brought back to the apartment and do the minimum with hair and makeup. I reluctantly slide the ring on and admire it for a second as I sigh. I could do this and hopefully, I’d hear something about another job soon.
As I park, I look around. I’m running a bit early to avoid the crowd and grab my purse and head into the building. I’m the first one in our office and avoid any long conversations before I hide.
“Feeling better?” Marcie asks as she strolls in, inspecting me.
“Yes. It was just one of those weekend things.” I tell her with a fake smile as she arches a brow at me.
“Why did you drive in today, Laina? Is Kyle going to be out again?” Marcie asks and I look at her with a surprised expression. “He called in yesterday and shocked everyone.”
“We did both get it. He’s still sniffly, so I said I’d drive to work and let him rest.” I try to backpedal, and the guys come in so Marcie can’t question me further.
I try to focus on the new campaign with all I have. We finished the other one last week with great feedback, and I knew it was another notch on my belt that can get me a new job but also something that cemented me in this one.
I don’t see Kyle at all on Tuesday, but he watches me walk in from his car on Wednesday, his eyes locked on me. It’s uncomfortable and reminds me how much I care about him.
I love Kyle, and I have to walk away from him.
He leaves me alone through the week at work as asked, and I ignore my phone when I’m at home. He reaches out a few times, but I want nothing to do with him right now. I need to get over this, and I breathe a sigh of relief when I’m in my car on Friday evening.
The company I heard from wants to do a zoom interview the following week. I accept and we set up a time that was on my lunch so I can sneak away from the building. Things are looking up for me and I tell myself to stay patient.
I grab some food on the way home like I’ve been doing all week. Eventually, I’m going to need to exercise since nothing has been healthy and I have yet to grocery shop for the apartment.
