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Chapter Ten
“What do you want, Terri?”
Brooke’s abrupt change in topic confused me, and I sat down on my barely clad bottom.
“I don’t understand.”
“Wayne was always a dick to you. Nothing over the top, but he was rarely sweet to you, and you always seemed unhappy. Even on the days that Bobby came back with enough food to stuff us. So, I guess I’m asking what would bring you joy.
“If all you focus on are the things that scare you, you’re probably going to keep passing out. But maybe, if you have that one thing that you really want and can focus on that instead, you won’t be on your back so much.
“So, what do you want out of life? Don’t think about the past. Think about the present. Right now. What do you want?”
I gave her question some real consideration. The answer that always came to mind first didn’t this time, though. Oh, I still wanted a baby with every fiber of my being, but I realized that would never happen because I was too afraid of all the steps I’d need to take to get there.
Essentially, I’d created my own hell loop. I wanted a baby but not to watch it die. It needed parents strong enough, brave enough, to protect it. A fey father would deliver on the strength. But every time I paid attention to their predatory eyes and remembered how easily they killed, I froze up on the inside. I would never have what I truly wanted until I figured out how to be completely fine around the fey.
“I don’t want to be afraid anymore.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s what we’re trying to work on.”
I shook my head. “No, I mean of the fey. Ultimately, they’re going to be what bring me joy.” As I said it, I flushed, which Brooke noted with a growing grin.
“And, boy, can they. Okay. Good for you. We’re going to help you reach out and take what you want. Now, what exactly are you afraid of?”
“Their enormous size and strength and ability to rip someone’s head off without seeming to exert even a little effort.” I made a face and added, “And their eyes. They remind me of this barn cat my grandparents had. That thing was mean as hell and killed every single bird my grandma unintentionally baited in with her birdfeeder. That cat hissed if you even looked at it. It ripped me up when I was seven for trying to chase it away from the birds. I can still remember the way its pupils narrowed to slits.”
I shuddered, and Brooke gave me a sympathetic look.
“First, there are a few things you should know about these guys. They aren’t aggressive toward women. At all. Ever. Yeah, they might look longingly at you, but Mya’s been super strict about consent. Like, they wouldn’t touch any of your fun bits even if you landed on their face.”
She laughed at the disbelief in my expression.
“I swear. It’s true. They might steal your clothes and look until their eyes fall out, but they won’t touch unless they are verbally invited to do so. Or unless you’re in danger. They’ll touch you then, too, but only platonically and only to keep you safe. That’s why Azio brought you to your bed, by the way. He heard you through the door and got to you before you hit your head on anything.”
I wasn’t buying it, and she knew it based on her grin.
“I see that you still doubt me. That’s fine. But I’ll trade you three pot roasts in my freezer for three tests—your choice of what kind—to prove that I’m right.”
“My choice?”
“Yep. Do something you think will upset them. Outcome doesn’t matter. You get the roast just for testing them.”
I snorted. “If I do something I think will upset them, I promise you the outcome very much matters.”
“I’ll be here to protect you.”
“So we can both die?”
“Pfft. So little faith. Come on. What’s something that would have really upset Wayne?”
“Not pulling my weight. Taking more than my share of food. Telling him I didn’t want to have sex. Not having dinner done on time. Making him look bad in front of his friends.” I opened my mouth to keep going but she held up her hand.
“I think that gives us a few options. Come on.” She stood and headed for the door.
“Wait. My shirt.”
However, my protest came too late.
