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I had to look away for a minute. If Adam wasn’t already so hurt, I would have hit him myself.
“Can you even hear yourself?” I asked, letting my hurt show. “Are you honestly going to lie there and tell me you’re okay with another man touching me? Because I sure as hell am not. And Tor? He freaked out when I started crying. Crying because I hadn’t realized it wasn’t my boyfriend between my legs until the deed was done. Crying because, for one horrible minute, I thought I’d accidentally cheated on you. Instead you pimped me out like some unwanted piece of garbage.”
Adam closed his eyes and swallowed hard, saying nothing.
“You’re lucky Tor has no idea what you did. That you used him. That you used us both. And why? Because you’re suffering from some form of inadequacy? I don’t give a fuck about some rumor regarding immunity, Adam. I care that my boyfriend hurt me in a way I’m not sure I can forgive.”
I waited. When he spoke, his voice was rough.
“We don’t live in the same world we did when we started dating. There aren’t any white picket fences anymore. There are no happily-ever-afters.” He opened his eyes and looked right at me. “If having him eat you out brings a smile to your face every morning and brings immunity, then let the man go to town. Turns out, eating out a girl is his lifelong dream. Who am I to deny you two a moment of happiness?”
His complete indifference to the gravity of what he’d done was too much. My hand lashed out, uncaring that he still carried lingering colors on his jaw. He deserved to feel the sting of my hand.
He caught my hand in his own, though.
“Who knows how many moments we have left, June? Don’t waste them on anger.”
“You should listen to your own advice, Adam. Get your head on straight while I’m gone. The world is a different place. I don’t need a man who can make me immune from infection. I need one I can trust.”
He exhaled heavily and released me.
“I’m sorry, June.”
I shook my head, still too angry.
“We’ll talk more when I’m back. Maybe I’ll be in a calmer state of mind to accept your apology then.”
I stalked out of the room without a backward glance and geared up by the front door. It wasn’t the same, strapping on the knife holster without Adam there to help me. But, after the way I’d woken up, nothing had felt the same. Adam’s pain was feeding his desperation to keep me safe. That was the only explanation I could come up with to explain his betrayal. Let Tor touch me and ensure his protection of me.
Heart heavy, I opened the door and spotted Tor and Brog speaking quietly across the street. Tor immediately looked up as I closed the door behind me.
“Are you done talking to Adam?”
“I am. Thank you for giving us some privacy.”
“Of course.” He flashed his teeth at me as I crossed the road, and I did my best to set aside what had happened between us. For both our sakes, I needed to stay focused on the task at hand.
I glanced at Brog. “Thanks for staying with Adam. He might be in a bit of a crabby mood. Please don’t let anything he says upset you. He’s not himself and is saying a lot of things he doesn’t mean.”
Brog grunted and started across the road.
“He will keep Adam safe,” Tor said.
“I know he will. I’m more worried about Adam acting like a jackass and offending Brog.”
“They will both be fine, June.”
“I’m sure you’re right,” I said, walking with him. As the silence stretched between us, I watched the lights on the wall flick off one by one and the sky begin to lighten. Tor’s repeated glances and slowing steps warned me that he was about to say something I might regret.
“I think Adam is right.”
“Oh? About what?”
“It’s not safe for you to go on a supply run.”
I stopped walking and faced Tor.
“I’m angry with Adam for trying to control my life based on what he thinks is right for me. I was born with a brain, Tor. I’m allowed to use it to think and decide things for myself. If you’re going to start acting domineering like Adam, we’re going to have a problem.”
