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“Don’t raise your voice at me. And do not speak that name in this house.” His cheeks turned a ruddy red as if his veins could crack through his tough skin. “The son of my enemy is also my enemy.”
I swallowed. I had retorts. I had mean, awful things to say. But uttering any of them was dangerous. Loving Knight had cost so much. Some days I thought I paid for that kind of love with the outer edges of my soul. When my training was over, would I have any pieces of it left or would it have eroded all the way to the center? Would I remember how to love? Would I remember what it felt like to care about someone the way I cared about Knight?
I took a step backward. There were so many times I wanted to run. I wanted to quit my training and abandon my family name.
“If he loved you,” my father continued. “He would have taken you with him. You and I both know that’s true.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know anything about him or his circumstances. How could you? You never bothered to get to know him.”
“I know he’s not good enough for you. I know he’s never going to be good enough.”
“That’s not true.” I was close to cracking. Close to collapsing. Close to showing my father I still knew how to cry.
“Kennedy, he was here for the wedding. Did he call you?”
I didn’t answer.
“Did he call you when he was in New Orleans?” The anger in his voice reverberated around the pool.
“No.”
My pain shouldn’t have been his triumph, but it was. There was joy on his face. A smile that should have been reserved for happy moments, not when his daughter’s heart broke all over again.
“Don’t forget what he has done. What he continues to do.” He balled his fist at me. “Hold on to that shame. The utter embarrassment he caused you. Remind yourself that he deserves everything coming to him. He had a choice. They all did. They’ll realize their mistake. You and I will make sure of that.”
I closed my eyes, unwilling to accept that I was as ruthless and cruel as the man who raised me. I didn’t want to be capable of the things he was. But how else would I survive if I didn’t somehow learn to harden my heart?
“Now, sit so we can finish breakfast together.”
I stood, paralyzed by what had just happened. It was like someone else moved my legs for me. I took one step and then another until I was seated.
“I do need another coffee cup. Mishaps.” He kicked a chunk of the broken mug away from his foot.
“I’ll get another one,” I volunteered, bolting before he could order me to stay put. I ran inside the mansion, but instead of bursting into the kitchen, I darted into the hallway powder room and slammed the door behind me.
I sank to the floor, tucking my knees against my chest. I couldn’t cry. I told myself I could sit for a little while as long as I didn’t cry.
