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“Wanna know a little secret?” I beckon her closer, and when she’s at my side, I lift her into the chair at the table where she clearly sits most often. It’s got a colorful plastic placemat featuring Teen Titan cartoon superheroes all over it. I lean over to mock-whisper in her ear, loud enough for Sirena to hear me as our eyes meet over her daughter’s head.
“Your mama’s the real bossy boss. I want her to be happy, so whatever she says, goes.” I hold my breath, hoping Sirena won’t tell me to leave. I will if she wants me to, but I don’t know if I can make myself stay gone. Whatever it takes to woo her, I’m going to do it.
“Mm-hmm, we’ll see.” Sirena’s eye roll makes me chuckle.
Any other time, I’d want to kiss every inch of Sirena’s blushing skin. For now, it’s everything just to sit at her dinner table and share a meal with her and Lavender. The little girl’s head droops lower and lower over her food until she’s nearly nose deep in her soup. Wisely, Sirena had her put on her jammies when she got out of the bath.
“Let’s take her temp one more time, and then I’ll help you get her to bed.”
Sirena’s nod is grateful as she rises to go grab the thermometer. I know it goes against the grain for her to accept help. The longer I’m here the more I’m recalling the many times when she could have leaned on any number of her coworkers at Loft for help, and instead, she fought to handle everything on her own. Regret presses in on me, knowing that I would have found out about her daughter and been able to help long before now if I’d followed the advice of the guys and pried into her life.
Still, I can’t bring myself to completely regret the time that’s passed. Sirena’s had time to get to know me without the pressure of being in a relationship with me. I’m hopeful that will help her to trust and believe me when I promise her I’m not going anywhere and she can rely on me.
“I planned on keeping her in bed with me tonight, so I can keep an eye on her. Will you lay her down there?”
I lift the tiny body into my arms, her humid breath washing over my neck as she curls against me.
Paternal love floods through me, binding my soul to hers. There’s no rational thought process or growth nudging me along, just pure instinctive recognition of who these two are to me. I look over at Sirena where she’s waiting beside her bed. It feels as if the ground is still shaking beneath me as my entire universe reorders itself around this new family.
Her stormy gray eyes are liquid with wonder as she watches Lavender and me. I can’t tell if she feels this moment as deeply as I do. I can only hope. Once I have Lav all tucked in under the worn coverlet on the bed, I motion with my head for Sirena to follow me out.
I walk all the way to the door, fighting the impulse to allow my feet to chart a path anywhere but there. I know Sirena’s had a stressful evening, and my showing up to help might have made things easier in the short term, but she needs time to process. If there’s anything I’ve learned from having younger sisters and from watching the guys at Loft fall for Lumi and Marlyce, it’s that some things can’t be rushed.
I’m pushing Sirena past her comfort zone by barging into her very private life. If I don’t give her time to think things through and get comfortable with the idea of the family I want to make with her, I’ll set my cause back even further. Much as it sucks to leave tonight, especially when I want to help her unwind and also watch over Lavender, I know she needs me to go.
“Bunny, lock up behind me. I know Fitzy makes sure this place is as safe as anywhere on earth, but I’m gonna worry until I can be on the other side of the door protecting you two for myself every night.” I can’t help the gruff command. She may have been looking out for the two of them on her own, but they’re my girls now. I allow myself a soft kiss against her temple. The tickle of baby hairs that have escaped her messy bun brushing against my lips does more to turn me on than the sultriest moves of any partner I’ve had in the years before I met her.
I take the stairs down to the lobby in hopes of working off some of the pent-up arousal still burning me up inside. At the bottom of the main level stairs, watching me descend as though she ordained my appearance, is Fitzy in all her glory.
The woman is half adorably sweet nana, half fire-breathing dragon, one hundred percent menace. When she claims a stool at the Loft’s bar rail, we always know we’re in for a wild night. She could start a brawl just as easily as decide to perform an impromptu wedding.
That’s no exaggeration, she’s done both. It’s how Lumi and Cal tied the knot in fact. I don’t care if it costs me my manly man card, I silently wish she’ll decide to help me win Sirena’s love.
“JT, don’t you dare try sneaking out of my building without stopping by for a chat!” I haven’t been called JT since I was barely old enough to shave the fuzz from my upper lip. Doesn’t make a lick of difference to Fitzy.
“Ma’am?”
“Don’t give me thatma’amshit, boy. Get over here and tell me the truth. You were up at Sirena’s place tonight. Weren’t you?” The husky rasp of her voice hints at a past no one dares ask her about. I give a chin lift, uncertain where she’s going with this line of questioning, but positive I won’t let her warn me off from pursuing Sirena.
“Good. Girl needs people in her corner, and you come from good folks. You do right by those two. Hear me? And you don’t go spreading her secrets to everybody at that little club of yours, either. Girl needs a place to go where she can be a young woman and not simply somebody’s mama.”
Encouraged and scolded all at once, I give Fitzy my solemn vow. The last thing I’ll ever do is carelessly bring Sirena or Lavender any pain. I only want to love them. Both of them.
CHAPTER8
SIRENA
Lavender’s warm little body is squished up against mine when the sunlight peeking through the blinds wakes me. Even though it feels as if I’m lying next to a furnace, she doesn’t feel feverishly hot anymore. I woke to check her temperature a few times during the night, and each time, it was getting closer and closer to normal. Thank the universe for that. My baby girl being sick has been the worst feeling in the world. Fear and responsibility weigh so heavy on my shoulders.
I’m really lucky she’s been such a healthy little kid. Insurance premiums are so far outside the budget it’s laughable. It takes me most of the year to pay off each well child visit and checkup. Add in the worry about how to juggle everything when she gets sick, and it’s no wonder my hands are shaking even now. Useless to wish for things that’ll never be, but damn, it would be nice to have a mother who could help me navigate this shit. What’s the saying? If wishes were ponies, beggars would ride? I think that’s it.
The quiet buzz of my phone vibrating on the table next to my bed is the only warning I have before a quiet knock at the door has me rushing to untangle myself from Lav’s octopus wraparound. I scoop up the phone as I tiptoe from my room and check to see nearly a dozen text messages. I skip the ones from the girls at Loft and go straight to Jonah’s name.
Don’t freak out. My mom’s on her way to your place. I tried to stall her. She’s insisting, and I can’t tell her no.
I look through the peephole to see a woman I don’t recognize standing in front of a tall man who looks like an older version of Jonah.
Oh, and my dad will probably follow her because since he retired. It’s practically all he does. I’m really sorry. I’ll be there asap!
