AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Lowering my voice, I shift on the edge of my seat. “Before he decided to end his life, Damian ransacked his mom’s belongings looking for proof to use against her to take to the police. Tucked in a box in her closet, he found old photographs, not only of himself but…of me.” Nova’s hand captures a gasp as her eyes glaze with moisture, and my leg bounces. “Um, they were sexual in nature. That’s what he sent to my house with no warning, no thought for the pain it would cause. Photographs and the letter I told you about, detailing how someone I’d loved and trusted had betrayed that trust.”
Unable to hold Nova’s anguished, glossy stare, I bend over, resting my forearms on my knees. “He dumped the greatest horrors in my lap, then left this world, leaving me to deal with the wreckage alone. Not that I’m blaming him. I mean, I did at first.” My fingers lock and unlock, fidgeting, giving my mind somewhere to focus. “I spent that summer so angry at Damian for what he did, but that was me being selfish because of how his revelations affected me. I can’t imagine the pain he lived with, knowing not only what his mother did to him but what she did to me. He blamed himself.”
“I don’t understand. I’m guessing you didn’t tell your mom since she never would have pushed you to visit her. And why did you even want to see Tara if you knew?” Shaking her head, tears spill over. “You seemed fine when we met, happy. How…”
Every point she makes is valid. “I had no memories of it, Nova. Seeing those pictures was like looking at an entirely different person, this nightmarish out of body experience. Even after reading Damian’s letter, I didn’t recall anything he wrote. So, after getting mad and sick to my stomach, I chose denial. I decided he was in pain and that he’d made up the stuff about me.” My hand drags over the three-day growth along my jaw. “I rationalized the pictures away. Pretended I hadn’t seen them. Made myself believe he photoshopped the images or something. I forced myself to forget, and I took an offer to accompany a beautiful girl on a road trip.”
“And you were hurting the entire time.Devin.” Her voice breaks.
Looking past Nova’s shoulder, I verify the other couple is lost in their conversation, and I drag my chair closer. My legs trap hers as I lean forward. “Nova, I was falling for you the entire time. Our trip is filled with good memories, not thoughts of Tara.”
Her throat works as she swallows her cries. “That’s why you were so upset. You walked into your abuser’s house, faced her, and then you… God, did I force you to have sex? I can’t remember what I said anymore. You were holding back. You were upset. No wonder you ran.”
I can’t map out where her words end and her sobs begin. Every sound escaping Nova shatters her idea of us.
“Stop.” I pry her hands from her face. “You didn’t force me to do anything. Nova, I wanted you with a fierceness I’d never known. A need I didn’t understand. I told you how I didn’t feel things. Fooling around with girls was a means to an end for the physical relief, but it was never emotional. It never felt good mentally. So, I never allowed myself the intimacy of going all the way. Until you.
“Yeah.” I nod at her wide-eyed watery stare. “You are my first and only, Spitfire, and I don’t regret it for one damn minute.”
She chokes on a sob, bringing her hand up to smother an unintelligible sound.
“Though, I do regret leaving you. It’s just… I woke up in the middle of the night and lost it. I kept seeingherand imagining her touching me, like the memories I’d suppressed were clawing their way out. I realized I couldn’t pretend Damian never sent that letter. I had to face the truth, but I didn’t know how to face you. I felt so much shame.”
It’s not until she places her hands on my face that I notice the wetness her thumbs brush away on my cheeks.
“I called a rideshare, had the driver take me to another hotel, and called my mom. She booked the first flight out before the sun came up. That’s why she didn’t return your calls. That’s why Willa didn’t talk to you. She was on the phone with me for hours while Mom was in the air. There was a moment when I considered ending my life. I broke.”
She leans in, grazing the tip of her nose against mine. My name is a fractured whisper rolling off her tongue. “I knew I had reason to worry. I just knew.”
“I’m okay now,” I try to reassure, my hands drifting to her exposed shoulders and stroking.
Sniffing, I draw back, and Nova swipes the backs of her hands across her cheeks, pulling herself together. “So your mom came to Oregon? Then what happened?”
“Would you believe I still don’t know?” Her brow wrinkles and I continue, “I mean, after I told her everything, she drove to Tara’s house but left me in the car.” For all I knew Mom left the woman for dead. The memory of her face before she stormed into that house will never leave me. Dad’s walking out didn’t hit her the way my story did. And the guilt she had for not seeing her best friend for the sicko she was? I swallow a fresh lump of emotion. “We did go to the police.”
I rub the back of my neck with another deep exhale. “I didn’t want to. I didn’t want my name brought into anything, but my mom said she couldn’t drop it. Ultimately, I agreed to share Damian’s letter and some of the pictures he sent. The ones with him.
“The pictures were from their time in Michigan, but his letter detailed abuse that took place in Oregon. That made enough of a case that they could make an arrest, but rather than charge her, she was found mentally ill. Blamed a psychotic break after her husband, Harrison’s, death.”
Nova’s teeth gnash. “She didn’t seem psychotic when I met her.”
“It’s obvious she was ill, but,” one of my shoulders lifts and falls, “I don’t know. They said she couldn’t face trial, so she’s been in a state hospital for the last few years. I haven’t seen her in person since that night with you. I couldn’t do it. I asked my mom not to tell me anything else about her or her case. I’m done. I don’t want to think about her.”
“My god, Dev.” Her hand clasps around the base of her neck, kneading. “All of these years I wasted being angry with you. I understand why you kept everything to yourself, but I’ll never forgive myself for hating you.”
“I gave you every reason to hate me, Nova. I abandoned you in your most vulnerable moment without any answers—for years. And yet, you’re still sitting with me now. I’m the one who should be seeking forgiveness.”
“Are you kidding? There’s nothing to forgive. Everything makes sense.” She reaches over and curls her hand over mine in my lap. “How are you now, really?”
“I’m doing better, much better.” I offer her a soft upturn of my lips. “I’ve been in therapy for years, and I’ve dealt with my demons, Tara-related and otherwise. You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you. That’s what you do when you care about someone.”
Nova glances at the couple still in the courtyard with us. Though I don’t think they’ve heard our conversation, they eye us with curiosity. Standing, she tugs me up, and I link our fingers as we return to the room. We take turns showering the day’s grime off, and getting ready for bed, a routine we settle into as we did four years ago. Slipping under the covers, we gravitate to the middle. Nova dips her head beneath my chin, and I hook my arms around her, tight. I take the most alleviating breath, my chest no longer heavy with unspoken confessions.
Resting my cheek to the crown of her head, I revel in her familiar scent and the contentment pulsing through my chest. “I often wonder what would’ve happened if I’d trusted you with it all. If I didn’t disappear that night. What would’ve happened if we’d stayed together?”
“I never would’ve left your side.”
