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“It’s been years. I’m not sure I can go slower.” The tip of his nose trails along my jawline, inhaling.
“Dev.”
His head nods against my throat, but his lips keep their path. “Okay, slowing down. My lips just can’t get enough of you, Nova. They’ve been starved for too long.”
My fingers sink into the strands at the nape of his neck as his kisses soften and lave. “I’m not complaining,” I say, breathless. “You just make it very difficult to think.”
“Come to Florida with me.” Devin’s kisses pepper my collarbone.
“What?” My eyes pop open. “Florida?”
Working his way back up my throat, he meets my gaze. “Yeah, why not? It’s a fresh change of scenery. This is your chance to toss out the plan. I’m in Pensacola right now, but the coaches in Miami have hinted at bringing me to Jupiter for spring training. If I can prove myself and move up. There are lots of opportunities in the sports industry there. I’m sure you could find something you love there.”
I probably could. Leaving behind Vermont is more than appealing at the moment, but I can’t follow Devin to Florida. Running out on my wedding was impulsive enough, but moving south with him? That’s another level of irresponsible spontaneity.
When I don’t respond right away, Devin lifts up on his hands, hovering above me. “With your life up in the air, the possibilities are limitless. What would you do back home?”
“I don’t know. Maybe since I interned with Burton, they’d consider giving me a full-time position.”
“Don’t you want something different? I know how close you are with your dad, but you were moving to, what was it? Wyoming? Why not Florida?” His eyes shine with enticement. “We work pretty well together, Spitfire.”
We do. We really do.
I smile, the rhythm of my heart speeding up. “You don’t know how much I want to say yes. To throw caution to the wind again for you.” Reaching up, I cradle his rough jaw. “But three days ago, if you hadn’t written me that letter, I’d have married Anders. I would be Mrs. Nova Danielson today. Even if it would’ve been the biggest mistake of my life.”
“But you didn’t.”
“I can’t leave my fiancé at the altar and then jump into moving to another state for another man. You have to see how wrong that would be, how thoughtless. You deserve a woman who can go all in with you. And I have some things to work through before I’m ready for any kind of healthy relationship. I think maybe I need time to find myself, Dev.”
“You don’t have to do that alone, you know.” His eyes bore into mine, a penetrative temptation to chisel away my resolve. “We can do it together. I don’t have it all figured out, either. You can find yourself beside me. We can go as slow as we need.”
Caressing his stubble with my fingertips, my eyes fill with tears. “It’s a sweet sentiment, but we need to think more clearly. Our time here has been incredible, exactly what my heart needed. I’m not saying no, but I can’t say yes. Not yet. In a year maybe you could call me, and I might say hell yes.” I let out a teary laugh. “But today, I can’t give you that. And I don’t expect anything from you. I don’t expect you to wait for me or put your life on hold for a woman who has no idea where she sees herself in a week, let alone a year.”
“If you’re saying we have a chance, why wouldn’t I wait for you, Nova?” Devin’s thumb strokes over the scar running through my eyebrow.
I turn and kiss his palm, holding my hand over his. “In the course of four years, we’ve spent a cumulative of like three weeks together. We know each other, but we don’t. I love how highly you think of me, but I’m not the same person you knew on that road trip. Who knows who we’ll be in another year or two?”
“Don’t let Anders’ mistreatment of you taint your confidence. I know who you’ve been with me. You deserve every bit of praise.”
“From here on out, I won’t, but I think that’s exactly why I can’t move to Florida. He did chip away at my spirit, and I want to find it again, but it would be reckless of me to jump from one relationship to another. And it wouldn’t be fair to you when I’m not able to invest myself in us one-hundred percent. I need time.”
Devin’s stare of heartbreak nicks at my fragile decision. The last thing I want is to hurt him, but that’s exactly why I can’t dive headfirst into something that has the potential for greatness. I’m not ready, and I truly believe it would only hurt us more in the end.
With a slow close of his eyes, wetness slicks my fingers. He nods, a shaky breath leaving him.
“These last few days… I owe you everything. I can’t thank you enough for saving me from myself.” Raising my head, I press a kiss to his salty lips. “You’re the type of man women dream about, Devin Hawthorne.”
He rolls off me, searching the tangled covers and finding my pajama top. “I’m going to need you clothed if we’re not taking this further.”
Putting an end to four years of celibacy would only complicate the emotions that run so deeply between us. Nodding, I cover myself and squirm into a comfortable position as Devin tugs me against his chest.
In a tight embrace, he kisses the top of my head. “In case you were wondering, you’rethewoman this man dreams about, Nova Pratt. Never forget it.”
* * *
DEVIN
The following morning, Nova and I sit in a comfortable silence on the flight back to Burlington, reality closing in. I never thought I’d return more brokenhearted than when I first landed on the morning of her wedding.
